DH kicking off as I want to uninvite DMIL/DSIL from Christmas Day

[Christmasdayissue]

NC’d for this. Please can people let me know if they think IABU.

Background - DH and I recently moved into our own home after renting for years and having limited space.

Yesterday we hosted DMIL and DSIL for a roast. Both have stomach problems - fine. However, they spent the hour following the roast sat in our living room openly breaking wind and making no attempt to hide this fact. In front of our two young DC (both found it hilarious). No apology from either of them, the only acknowledgment being ‘well you know we have stomach issues and eating that makes it flare up’.

DH didn’t say anything to them. When I told him after they left that I found it disgusting, he said I was prudish and that they can’t help it. I asked why they couldn’t leave the room. He said it’s good they feel at home and he grew up with them being like that so doesn’t see the issue.

I’ve told him today I don’t want them to come on Christmas Day as planned if that’s how they will behave, and set such an awful example to our DC. He said how dare I threaten that and if I ever thought that was appropriate then he’d simply go out for lunch with them to a pub instead.

She said nothing about size or weight.

That depends on the house surely. I don’t have a downstairs toilet and wouldn’t expect anyone to e able to hold their wind in long enough to leave the room and go upstairs. Besides which, I don’t see why anyone should leave the room to fart - or do people on Mumsnet think they should also leave the room to belch? Wjat ablut hiccuping?

Oh give over. How long have you been waiting to find something to be offended about? OP was clearly implying her SIL is greedy. If your first thought is that she must be fat then that's on you!

Yes, please leave the room to belch. Not interested in hearing others’ eruptions.

if a house is that small, the door to the garden or front should be handily within reach.

Stairs are a really bad idea with wind, as is bending over.

I've never much suffered from wind, but the other day I bent down to wipe up a spill and was really glad to be alone. Hadn't thought about blaming peri till I read this thread. Anyway, it's made me more open-minded.

Dear God, the level of lunatic belief here is mindboggling.
These two dames haven't been presented as disabled anywhere at all by OP, just unwilling to behave with any self-control as guests.

I really don't believe that the population at large views enthusiastic farting like this as socially acceptable, unless the farter is indeed known in the family to be suffering almost Blue Badge-meriting, officially diagnosed and foods-limiting gastric problems.
Normal post-sprouts gas is a not sufficiently urgent problem for this ‘Screw you’ attitude from OP’s in laws, and on their first bloody visit as well!

Call the bluff and let them go to the pub. If they do it, great! They'll learn for next year. Or they can take the feedback onboard like adults.

Dear God, do it! Call their bluff. Let them all sit in the pub eating shite and you prepare dinner for people who can control themselves.

🤣🤣. I live in quite a large house and the front and back doors are not within easy reach of the dining room.

I’m not actively trying to offend anyone but some things cannot be helped, I can only comment on what I have witnessed. Since moving to the UK, I am shocked at how common this sort of behaviour is. Particularly from women, I have learnt recently there is a term for this behaviour; ladette.

In my home country, we do not have such Ladette culture. But regardless of gender, in my culture farting excessively in a performative manner and laughing in someone else’s home, man or woman, is the height of disrespect. But here so often such things are seen as funny, and you are labelled as prudish? (As seen on this thread) Are standards here really so low?

I am not speaking for all British people of course, I have many lovely friends who are like minded. But I’m shocked at the low class behaviour and lack of manners. It all appears to be from a certain calibre of people, who have a particular way of speaking.

OP you sound like a classy lady. You are not the problem. As another poster said; you married down.

Then tell him to enjoy hosting, cooking and cleaning up as you and the kids are going out for lunch that day. And then follow through.
I really, really hate it when someone uses the "I pay more than you" to get their way. They conveniently "forget" how little they do to make these events happen. Now, he can learn!

The ableism is assuming because you are able to hold in your farts, everyone else is too. You don't need to know others medical history to acknowledge that not everyone is able to do what you can.

Yes its a crazy assumption to think if you can hold in your shit long enough to reach a toilet, you can hold in a fart

That's not "ableism" ffs.

And there are ways to mitigate the effects on others, even for those with a legitimate medical excuse. Sitting on the sofa after Sunday roast, laughing and competing with your daughter for the loudest / most obnoxious emissions, is hardly due to any medical condition or disability.

But presumably SOME door is available, for you to remove yourself from the proximity to others.

Those laughing emojis say a lot.

@CheeseIsMyIdolYes, someone could go and stand in the hall if they do wished. I would think they were behaving very oddly if they did and would never expect anyone to leave the room to fart.

Honestly @Brooklans MN sometimes boggles my mind. I have family in the South, South West, North East and in Wales ranging from what you could call very working class to upper middle class and no-one I have ever come across would think these two women's behaviour was anything other than extremely rude and bizarre. Over the years I have heard the odd elderly fart which due to (their) embarrassment you just don't make a big deal about. During the 70s, 80s and 90s the word 'fart' was seen as a no-no in the NE almost akin to swearing.

Fart jokes can be funny, but the reason they are is mainly down to playing up the social embarrassment.

Well, many of us would.

There is such a thing as "pretext." People can imply they are looking for their phone, need a tissue, getting a drink of water, getting something out of the car. Anything to just step away for a couple of minutes.

Better that, than subjecting others. Or worse yet making some sort of crass, lowdown show of the whole thing.

Out of curiosity, if you were in close proximity with your manager/boss, your co-workers, neighbour, volunteer group, etc., would you just have at it, or would you attempt to step away? Why wouldn't family members deserve the same courtesy?

How much pre-meditation really goes into farting though?

By the time I'd waited for a break in the conversation and had time to announce my departure excuse then fled the room, I'm sure it would arrive to betray me.

This is in fact very true, and @DressOrSkirt makes a decent point.

But actually it was me who first mentioned ableism and I was partly joking because the idea of someone being fart ableist amused me and I'm surprised some pp got so whipped up about the allegation.

But not everyone CAN hold them in and so I guess it isn't really a joking matter.

Poss a genetic thing if both mother and daughter need to fart for hours?

Yes and I have dim memories of something like that in Like Water For Chocolate? Have not seen that movie since I was very young, so can't really recall the ins and outs but do remember having one of those attacks of side-splitting giggles during the fart scene and my mother getting very sniffy (wrong word!) about it as we were watching it on video (in those days!) at her friend's house.

Might rewatch it actually, as I'd probably get rather more out of the rest of it now!

If I need to fart, I don’t have the luxury of holding them in that other people on Mumsnet seem to have, and I don’t have time to leave the room. Much if my working time outside home is spent in meetings, and in that situation, I can’t leave the room. I try to let farts out quietly if I’m in a meeting but I can’t hold them in for a two hour meeting.

Interesting to read @Mothership4two I totally believe this is not the norm amongst the majority of society here. However, unfortunately I have unpleasantly come across the minority far too many times for my liking. And it’s goes beyond worse than just farting.

For example, just the other week, a girl in my office was laughing and telling a whole room of people about the time she got so drunk she sh*t herself, and because she was so intoxicated and wearing a onesie, her mother had to cut her out of it with scissors.

Another time, a friend of my friend bragged (yes she was excited to tell this story) that she was on a mini bus with friends, and she peed in a cup, which spilled everywhere all over the seats and the mini bus driver was so angry. She thought this was hilarious. Her attitude was very similar to the OPs MIL “Well I can’t help it so screw you, deal with it. It’s my bodily function and I don’t have to make an effort to control myself, or ask the driver to pull over”.

I would say I am well travelled and have explored different cultures before I move here, it appears to me the UK breeds a specific types of women (men too) who take pride in participating in low life, animal like behaviour. I have not experienced this anywhere else. In my culture, and our neighbouring countries, this type of behaviour would only be typical of people with mental health disorders.
I will never understand why this behaviour is endeared or considered funny, or acceptable.

The posters who are defending the MIL/SIL and calling OP a prude are really showing a lot about themselves. Remember, social decency and etiquette is what sets us apart from animals.