to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

This is a good way to think of it. Why should she shoulder all the cost ?
I was the default Christmas house for a good many years as I had reasonable space and cooking skills. It cost an absolute fortune to do, but all my family members contributed which was very much appreciated .The turkey alone cost around £100. They used to stay for a few days too, I was always shocked at how much loo roll and butter we used to go through !
Just stay at home and do your own Christmas lunch for £30 🙄.

This isn’t a new thing. Even back in the 80s/90s everyone used to financially contribute to my aunt who always did Christmas dinner for the family. We still do it now.

It’s easier for the host to do the meal rather than everyone bringing bits and bobs as they can control the timings for cooking

What is not easier is having to pay for it all

If you think wine and crackers are a sufficient contribution then you are a CF

It's embarrassing that you've never offered to contribute tbh, there is nothing wrong with asking for a financial contribution, your sister obviously takes pride in making a lovely dinner for you all, that means choosing ingredients and components for the courses carefully and not just lobbing sketty hoops on toast.

I think you need to insist on hosting next year to get some realistic perspective back, the only people that feel affronted handing over some money in these circumstances are entitled brats.

I get what you mean about it being a bit awkward with a family member ‘charging’ you, but I think you are looking at it the wrong way. You say she always hosts because it makes the most sense in terms of size and location, but why does that mean she should get stuck with 100% of the cost each year? If she’s hosting why do
you think it’s reasonable to suggest she make cheaper food - dictate what she makes and then gets to eat herself on Christmas Day (and why would it be any fairer for her if she’s still shouldering all of the cost, whatever that might be?!)

Shes doing everyone a favour in cooking and hosting a meal that you are happy to go to. I think everyone contributing to the cost of that, given that it’s always on her to do this, is very reasonable actually.

If you ate out for Christmas lunch somewhere doubt you would get it for £30 a head, never mind £30 for a family.

One of our local pubs is charging £70 a head for christmas dinner , staff to pay at triple time on christmas day etc...

Why don’t you look back at how much your sister has spent over the years (and how much you have saved) and £30 this year is a bargain. I hope you share your ‘special’ wine with all the adults

Anything else you don’t like about her, OP?🤣

Are you quite sure you aren’t this Christmas hostess’s sister?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5452814-aibu-to-refuse-to-host-christmas-again-after-what-my-family-said?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

If she always hosts Christmas, and has done for a while, why haven't you already offered to share the cost?

I like things clearcut, so this would work for me, otherwise I would be trying to work out what my/family costs would be and offset with the equivalent in contribution, usually loads of beer and wine and some flowers/arrangement.

Ugh, not for me. We all bring a dish, drinks, extras etc to whoever is hosting and the hosting rotates. No one has ever considered charging to my knowledge - and to do it out of the blue just feels wrong, I wouldnt be happy either op.

Somehow I have a vision of half a packet of Jacob’s cream crackers in a ziplock bag……

You're viewing this the wrong way. She isn't "charging you". She is asking for a contribution towards the cost of providong food for everyone. I don't thing that is at all unreasonable. YABU in expecting her to feed you all AGAIN.on Christmas day. Your wine may be good but it isn't equivalent to providing Christmas dinner for you and your family.

I think the OP should decline the invitation and spend all Christmas shopping, prepping, cooking and cleaning up herself and see if it was worth saving that £30.

i think the OP has poor form actually.

I’m trying to imagine my brothers reaction if I was to charge them for a meal at my house and how long would I have before they call a mental health crisis team or something gets chucked at me.
What is wrong with you people?

She has every right to want to cook in her own way in her own home.

She always hosts and food is expensive. I don't blame her for requesting a cash contribution.

Exactly. And to be honest having people faffing about my kitchen trying to help would drive me nuts.
Im very organised and have pretty much everything ready the night before, turkey stuffed, veg peeled etc. I just want to be left in peace to cook !

It’s not about being able to afford it. Even if she can afford it why should she spend her money feeding you all every year? Are you charity cases?

This!
It's not a "charge" or a "payment".
It's a contribution towards sharing the cost.

It would be useful to know precisely what the meal will involve. And for how many, and whether the cost requested is per person or family.
A family of two adults and two children would be hard pushed to eat or drink the £30 worth of food and drink between them.
The reason being the host has all the leftovers.
The initial total outlay of course will be far more.
But if you portioned it out then costed it would be interesting to see the cost of food eaten by the OP and her family.
It isn't a restaurant of course.

I can see why it’s much easier for her to shop for everything if she is cooking, ensuring there is enough etc.
Last time we went to DSis’s for Christmas we covered the butchers order (turkey, ham, stuffing and pigs in blankets), Dbro was on wine and champagne, Dsis2 ordered two deserts from a local maker that the host collected on Christmas Eve and our parent brought the cheese board & port. The hosts covered all sides, crackers, cream, ice cream, soft drinks, nibbles and cooked it all!

Do you take a whole box of good wine? Otherwise one bottle and a packet of Jacob’s is a bit of an insult to your sister and I’m surprised you don’t supplement with chocolates, snacks or flowers etc. and also that she hasn’t asked before. So under £8 each for a slap up meal and whatever else she provides on the day, I’d say is very fair. I would expect you to still take the bottle as well.

Wow, have you listened to yourself?
Your DSis isn't asking for an "admission payment" - she's asking for a modest contribution to the cost of laying on a fabulous Christmas for the whole family that you've totally taken for granted for at least five years, and you and your DM even have the cheek to "joke" about her "trying to outdo Nigella" when you both benefit from her excellent hospitality - that's just plain nasty.
And the irony of you talking about your DSis being "a bit of a snob" in the kitchen when you then talk about your DH being "a bit of a wine buff" and so the wine you bring is "good stuff that pairs perfectly with the Turkey dinner." 🙄
The fact that you seriously compare bringing a "good" bottle of wine and a box of crackers to all that your DSis provides and the effort she puts in (and has done so for years) is laughable. Cheeky fuckery of the highest order!
I agree OP, you shouldn't go - give your DSis a year off from your ingratitude and spite. Hopefully, she will have a light-bulb moment and next year only do Christmas for her own DH and DC - when the rest of you have to make your own arrangements maybe you might finally appreciate her and all she does to make Christmas special.

I can’t imagine not offering to pay a contribution for Christmas dinner if someone was hosting, unless you’ve travelled very far and then maybe the travel hassle outweighs the hosting hassle

I used to think it was poor form.

I have never charged and only have a couple for dinner.
However some people have large extended family members over for dinner. The CoL has made things very expensive.

I now think if someone is prepared to cook, host, make their house available on Christmas day ,do all the tiding up as well as the shopping and preparation, maybe its not a bad idea to contribute and help lift the burden, especially if it is the same person hosting every year due to either house size, family dynamics etc. If not one person could end up with all the cost and everyone else is having a free meal for no effort.
The old saying applies here about if everyone does ( pays) a little then no one does ( pays) a lot.

Personality i would happily contribute with cash as well as bring some treats such as a special dessert or extra booze.