to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Fair enough, still way cheaper than going out for a Christmas meal and everyone probably gets far more.

One bottle of wine is miserly, even if it is a nice one. It costs a fortune to cater a full Christmas meal and while it sounds like your DSis has been happy to absorb the cost until now, the price of food at the moment means she's right to ask for a contribution. You should at least take a bottle of wine each, for you and your DH, even if you don't drink it.

A normal meal or perhaps a dinner party maybe, but Christmas is different I think, extremely expensive, why should one person have to shoulder the cost for what is essentially a family day ?

I host my family and pay for all the costs. How it balances is that they give me more expensive gifts than I give them. I'm not cheap... they're just really generous.

The thought of CHARGING for Christmas dinner is insane.

I would aim to bring two homemade desserts, wine for the hosts and also alcohol that I plan to drink, another treat like biscuits etc to say thank you and some sweets / games etc for the kids. And I still would not think I had made a dent in the cost of hosting.

I was going to post this too!

There is another thread on MN at the moment about annoying things guests do that they think is helpful but isnt, and one that keeps coming up is guests bringing something that actually doesnt fit. She wants to control the food and I dont actually blame her as she is hosting. if she has to ask 6 families for different things to bring that would be a nightmare and how would that even work - some of it would need to be before Christmas day. And even if they weren't, would be an added stress to have to get everything off everyone and put out etc. She has managed before, this year she cant and she has asked for a contribution. Up to you what you do.

So how many does she cook for & what does she provide?

And nobody has even mentioned the cost of gas/electricity to cook the meal - which isn't exactly cheap these days.

I have never turned up at a family Christmas with only one bottle of wine. It's half a case at least, to match the different courses of someone else is cooking. Your DH is a skinflint to only take one.

You clearly don't have high enough standard for her if you can't be trusted with the cheese course. I get that - I wouldn't let my brother near the cheese or I'd end up with mild cheddar and some Wensleydale with cranberries in it. So instead, she buys the decent stuff and asks you to chip in.

That you are balking at a paltry £30 contribution to the bill after abusing their hospitality thusfar makes you look a right CF.

Maybe also if you are always running late, they don't want to risk you bringing something that's needed by a particular time.

I'd say stay home this year, if you're happy with spaghetti hoops, you'll do it for less than £30.

Is it 30 each, or from the family?
If you have... You, DH, 2 DC under 3; then 120 is a bit much. 30 quid for the whole family on the other hand... is a bargain!
I don't care how good your wine and crackers are, they won't touch the sides of the cost of your DS's hosting.

Funny how its always the people who have never hosted the big family Xmas who object to paying isnt it?

If you think £30 is cheeky then book yourself into your local pub and see how much that costs you.

I think the £30 is for the whole family so very cheap.

I don’t think it’s poor form when the same family member is hosting Christmas every year.

A family of two adults and two children would be hard pushed to eat or drink the £30 worth of food and drink between them.

At Christmas? ha very ha. I can't cook a Christmas dinner for 4 with £30, and certainly not if there's any wine or cheese added.

It's not the amount, it's the principle of the matter. Charging for hospitality is crass and tacky. One should cut one's cloth.

If she wants total control, she pays.

If she wants to organize a communal family dinner, offering her home as venue, then the way to spread expenses is to have everyone contribute part of the meal. Not pick their pockets while withholding control over the menu, quality and amenities.

Contribution by way of a dessert, crackers or a bottle of wine is a miniscule offering when it comes to all the preparation/costs that a Christmas dinner can involve.

Do you and your DM include your Dsis when your sharing jokes about her?

Maybe stop joking about her and come up with a plan on how to contribute, as your Dsis is providing electricity/Gas/oil maybe you could offer to buy the Turkey and share the costs of the veg between you and your DM and let your Dsis buy the dessert, wine and crackers...

Yesterday there was a post about vitriol on Mumsnet. About how sometimes people start piling in to verbally do the equivalent of beating someone up online. It isn't nice. People should be able to ask questions, express a view without resorting to personal insults.

OP has said that her offers to contribute are rejected.

If you can't afford it, don't do it. It is not for you. Very poor form. Just say 'I am afraid I am unable to host this year'. End of.
Charging for attending is the same as charging guests at a wedding for drinks - if you can't afford a proper wedding, don't do it. It is beyond grasping. Same refers to destination weddings or stag dos - unless you pay for everyone to attend, don't do it, you can't afford it. What is next then? Pay to attend a birthday party? Bring a present, and pay on top? But I would not be surprised.

Food is really really expensive this year. I would either give her the money or eat at home.

I’ve hosted a few relatively modest Christmas dinners and it does add up very quickly. She’s allowed to want her dishes to be to a certain standard. If you don’t agree with the £30, then don’t go. Even £30 per person doesn’t sound steep when you consider how much prep and food is involved.

My sister always hosts family dinners as they have a big dining room, no-one else could fit so many people! She asks for money and I'm happy to pay and to never have to cook.

I take cheese, crackers, wine and a dessert and contribute financially to Christmas dinner. I am not asked for the money but do it anyway because I am grateful that someone else is cooking and hosting.

Do you understand how much food costs now? You are being very mean.