to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Right, you host everyone this year then.

Why should she host every year and foot the entire bill? It's a shame she had to start asking for money; you all should have offered long before now! It's the cheapest Christmas dinner with all the trimmings on offer out there. I can't see why you'd boycott it! So ungrateful after all the years she's gone out of her way and spent fortunes, no doubt, on your family having a fab Christmas.

The wine and crackers are all we’ve been allowed to contribute. Like I said in an earlier post, I’m not even allowed to bring the cheese because she wants it just so. I don’t think it’s fair to keep bashing me for the crackers when I’ve tried to offer to bring a starter, dessert, cheese and it’s all been turned down. I’m happy to bring along more, it’s just the payment which feels wrong from family to me.

She’s probably spending hundreds OP. Be the bigger person, reply saying you’re more than happy to contribute, the cost of food is astronomical etc etc and ask if there’s anything else you can do to help.

Why not suggest she provides a list of what's needed? And you could all help with cooking.Charging is just wierd

If you're bringing enough (decent) wine for a whole family surely that's more than £30 anyway?

If only! OP says they bring ONE bottle of wine but her DH is a "wine buff" and it "pairs perfectly with the turkey"! Given that there are at least 6 adults involved here either everyone gets a thimble of this perfect wine or DH hides it and drinks it all himself.

You need to decide if £30 is worth going. For me its a no brainer £30 for a fully cooked Xmas meal with all the trimmings and no cooking for me to do. I'd be there in a shot. It would cost more to buy, prep and cook it yourself.
I have the opposite problem we go to my parents and they won't allow us to give money and tell us to just bring ourselves. But like you I always bring stuff with us. Ive bought the Xmas pud before they can this year and plan and doing that for other bits so they have no choice but to let us contribute.
£30 really isn't much for a family.

It's not charging, it's asking for a contribution to the day to fair things up a bit.

I’d just say fine. It’s lovely of her to host and I think it’s such an expensive thing, it’s nice to recognise the effort and cost involved.

Perhaps your dsis just finds it easier to know she has everything under her control, rather than one person turning up with a starter that still needs to be plated, or a massive dish that has to go in the fridge, or someone turning up with the world’s smallest side dish of parsnips, or whipped cream when you wanted single, or whatever.

One year my absolutely lovely SIL brought a beautiful dessert that needed to be in the fridge - I wasn’t expecting that, and I ended up having to rapidly reorganise the kitchen to fit it in the refrigerator and that mean to had move all my “veggies in progress” out to the garage to keep cool!

It hasn’t come out of the blue for her!

She’s been paying for years and has at last managed to speak up and bring up the fact that one bottle of wine and a box of crackers is not a contribution.

If she’s a food snob and you are a wine snob then that makes for a brilliant Christmas dinner. Take more wine as well as paying.

So she wants all the control, but for the expenses to be shared? That's not how it works.

Anyone who is paying is entitled to help set the menu and other arrangements.

Did they specifically request just one bottle? Because it’s unusually low unless the 6 of you only drink half a glass of wine each for Christmas? If wine is all you’re allowed to contribute, then you take 6 bottles to something like this.

Its getting very expensive now to buy food.
Turkeys are like 60 quid for a decent one plus the trimmings. Can easily get to 150 quid for a large family to eat one dinner.
I think its reasonable to ask for money nowdays. In thr past I would have said it's not, but the price of everything and that everyone is squeezed no matger what your income means that hosting a large dinner dent a huge hole in family finances. I would pay and still bring the wine and crackers as she is doing all the hard work of hosting.

We’re 5 people and Xmas dinner costs about £100 not including booze so £30 for a family of 4 is nowt. You could do it yourself buying a frozen turkey and the cheap veg deals the supermarkets often do around Xmas but it wouldn’t be a delicious Nigella style feast which I imagine your sister is still subsidising for your family even with the audacity to ask for a contribution.

I think has to be a reverse and the OP is having us all on. Are you the Sister really?

Just in case you are serious, a (good) bottle of wine and some crackers? I hope it isn't just one bottle you take? Honestly you really are a CF and should give the money graciously without hesitation.

Asking for cash is a bit cold. If you’ve offered to bring stuff but she keeps saying no then that’s on her.

£30 per head would be a LOT but if it’s £30 for all of you that is not super spendy - think you probably just need to say ok.

Cooking Christmas dinner for a large number is very expensive and a lot of work, especially if nobody else is reciprocating and she is doing it every year. I think £30 is a bargain and you certainly shouldn't be moaning about it.

Well, a decent turkey can cost the better part of £100, with all the other stuff on top. So people turning up with a bottle or two of wine probably isn’t going to spread the financial load. That said, I would tackle the problem by asking family to bring specific things, eg one brings the Christmas pud and brandy butter, another brings a couple of sides, etc. I wouldn’t like to be asked to contribute actual cash either. If you want to host a group, host them. If you don’t, dont’t!

Christmas dinner is insanely expensive when you're catering for a large number. The turkey alone is hugely pricey. A single bottle of wine, however classy, makes very little difference. I understand that you've offered to bring more and she's declined, and i get that asking for money seems very cold, but on the other hand you're getting the whole Christmas dinner cooked for you.

But you're wildly offended that your sister - after years of providing a free dinner at great cost to HER family - wants you to chip in and pay for your freeloading dinner this time.

Since she hosts every year and never usually charges, she must only be asking you now as she has realised she can't cover the full costs herself any longer, so needs a contribution.

Sounds like she puts on quite the luxury spread and puts a lot of effort in, so it doesn't sound like she is trying to short change you. The £30 probably would only get you a basic spread if you decided to stay home and do it all yourself for just your family

BIL and SIL charged me and DH £50 each about 10 years ago, so I think you're getting off lightly.

I’m going to my sister’s house for Xmas this year. There are three of us arriving, plus her and her husband and we’ve arranged that I will pay for the turkey. It’s £140 but a bargain for us as she provides the main meal, Xmas tea/nibbles etc, all the booze and a nice breakfast the next day. We’ll probably take a bottle of gin as well

If she is so particular about the food so bringing a food contribution is difficult I am surprised you have neither offered some monetary contribution before or provided more alcohol (what with your DH being such a wine buff) @OneTicketForChristmasDinner

Has the price of meat and such escaped your attention in todays world.
I know my christmas dinner will be a lot more expensive than it was last year.