to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

I buy all mine from M&S because I want to. Not everyone is on a budget.

Turkey x 2 (Serves 12) £130
Ham £50
Pigs in blankets (£3.50 pack of 10) x 10 £35
Pancetta (2 packs) £7
King Edwards (4 bags) £7.20
Maris pipers (2 bags) £3.60
Goose fat (5 jars) £30
Butter (500g) £4
Carrots (3kg) £2
Brussels Sprouts (4 trees) £8
Leeks (2kg) £6
Cheese (for leeks) £6
Parsnips (2kg) £3
Honey £2
Milk (4 litres) £4
Cream 600ml x 4 £12 (for sauces and desert)
Turkey stock (fucking gallons) £12

We do have a huge family, but that’s just the main course for 20 odd people. It’s over £310 so far.

Then there’s starters, desert, cheese and biscuits (easily another £50 on cheese), 5 bottles each of Prosecco, red and white wine (Am I fuck buying champagne for 20 people), cases of beer and spirits (about £300 worth of booze) soft drinks, nice coffee, chocolates. Plus Christmas crackers, nibbles and table decorations.

And we haven’t even started on the evening buffet! (Though that’s mostly leftover meat/cheese).

It’s a once a year feast, not a common or garden Sunday roast.

ETA: These are Sainsbury’s prices

@Crispynoodle 2 meats costing £50 - for how many people and where are you getting it from?
cba to list the ins and outs of every item we’ll need but things like the beef for 24 people will be about £200 from the butcher, maybe more. Chipolatas and bacon will be another £30ish? A ham will be about £60.
totally depends on how many you’re catering for and the quality of ingredients.

Don’t ask what you should bring. Just take stuff- take a starter, cheese, pudding, etc. don’t wait for permission, just take it.

There are too many unknown variables here to come to a conclusion. For starters, is the wine a luxury wine and the crackers the expensive kind? Or are we talking about the type of wine that costs a tenner at Aldi and a box of Ritz crackers?

Because when you invite people to your home you don’t normally charge? This is the strangest thing I’ve heard on Mumsnet.

I’d be really pissed off if I was hosting and had planned, bought the ingredients for, prepared and cooked a starter and pudding, bought a cheeseboard etc and then a guest turned up with another one! What would we do with it? I’d far rather have some cash towards the meal I’d prepared.

Absolutely. Wouldn't you just love to hear the sister's POV on this? I bet she's right royally pissed off at how mean OP is - and has been for years!

@cupfinalchaos but sister’s house is being used for convenience (and for many years).

Because they’re inviting themselves to sister’s place as it’s most central and she has room. By default she’s stuck with it.

You don't think Christmas dinner is something of an exception to this given the cost to the host? This is also quite a strange thing to hear on Mumsnet.

Didn't you read OP's posts? In her second one she wrote: "DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner." (They just take one bottle mind.) And "I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…"
Loads of excuses for not putting her hand in her pocket. 🙄

I don’t see the problem here. You are going to your sister’s, not a formal dinner party and we all know Christmas food costs. If you’ve offered to bring a dish etc but she’s said no, what’s the problem in contributing £30 instead? She’s doing all the work- planning, cooking etc and you just have to turn up with a wine you like and some crackers. You’ve got a great deal! I get that she likes to cook and maybe is food snob etc but you benefit from eating nice food. If you host Christmas dinner at home I think you’ll find you’ll spend more than £30. If you really are just about ‘I just want us to be all together’ then just suck up the nominal amount of £30 and be grateful someone else is doing all the work. You said that ‘cash feels cold’ but isn’t there more to your relationship then this meal? For me it’s ‘cold’ for someone to expect their sister to formally host them as a guest.

This would really piss me off as host - I've paid for a trifle, spent time making a trifle, have no more space in the fridge - and now here's my sister with a second bloody trifle!

I dont think its unreasonable to contribute financially to a Christmas family meal. You tell us nothing about the number of people attending, your sisters circumstances. Catering is expensive. An average fresh supernarket turkey for say 8 people is about £25 min, then there is everything else and of course you'll want a drink. I wouldnt be too happy if all you show up with is a box of crackers for cheese or to pull and a cheap bottle of plonk. Im sure she's not charging you £30 each but £30 per family. But you would pay £30 each for a Christmas meal in a restaurant. Then do you roll your sleeves up and get stuck in with the dishes or sit down while your sister runs off her feet? . Yeh! She's voting with her feet and Im doing the same. Im a pensioner and I ask my children to contribute they have more money at their disposal than me! Cough up gladly or organise your own Christmas and see what things cost!!

I think this trend of charging family for Christmas dinner is bonkers. Don’t invite people for dinner if you can’t afford to host for the love of being with your family. It’s the same with every other aspect of Christmas. If you aren’t religious you really don’t need to celebrate every aspect of it. If you do Christmas to spend time with family then don’t charge them. A turkey is expensive but it doesn’t have to be a turkey. If you can’t share your time and your table for the love of it then don’t bother. And it’s really not a cost of living issue because most people who genuinely have very little usually know the value of things and are happy to share the little they have.

I could host. I could cook turkey, ham and all the trimmings. Starters, mains, puddings, drinks. Tea time treats, the lot. There’s 12 of us. I couldn’t afford it.
my daughter is hosting this year. I am taking the beef and pigs in blankets, her mother-in-law is doing the turkey and she is doing everything else.

But you would pay £30 each for a Christmas meal in a restaurant.

Most local pubs even charge £80-100 a head for Christmas lunch!

Well you just have to look at the vote (81% of people think OP is BU to not want to contribute) to understand that you're the one who's out of step. The CoL crisis has changed things for a lot of families and sharing the cost burden for Christmas is entirely reasonable and now very common. (And I'm sure that no-one would charge guests to host them for a common-or-garden lunch or dinner at any other time of the year - we're talking specifically about the cost of hosting large numbers at Christmas which is already an expensive time of year.)

I think it’s different when it’s assumed a particular family will host every year. It’s not exactly voluntary and Christmas is a whole day and a lot more £££I suspect after years of assumed host with nothing being offered in return the sister has had enough.

i personally won’t be charging for hosting, but it’s not always me that hosts. My mum has in past years offered to buy the turkey which I gratefully received.

I agree under normal circumstances you wouldn’t charge for a dinner party. Unless of course, again if only 1 friend can host I would always contribute.

Brilliantly put 😂 I feel exactly the same.

Do people normally water down hand and dish soap?

Normally, no. But if you’re trying to save some money, perhaps.

Is that a law somewhere? I don't think it is. You just made it up.

There is no "pay to cook" rule! That doesn't make sense.

It's OP's ego that's a problem here. She's butt hurt that her sister doesn't trust her to make a decent culinary contribution, but OP is clearly not an aspirational cook. She laughs at her sister for caring too much about the food. You and the OP are in the minority here and not my kind of people.

You take a bottle of wine and some crackers? YABVU.

Christmas dinner is now very expensive. No, she shouldn’t really charge, but the cost is now extortionate. Either offer to take 8 bottles of wine, or buy the turkey. Otherwise £30 each isn’t too outlandish to be honest.