to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Our turkey cost £100 and we are also having gammon and various different pigs in blankets. We are a family of five adults.

Dear Lord.

"Putting the family first"

Quick MN get out the violins!

I can't believe after everyone has said on this thread that actually £30 is still very reasonable you are STILL begrudging of someone COOKING FOR YOU AND ENTERTAINING you as if it's a massive chore and hardship to you.

Just don't go if it bothers you so much.

I'm sure the entire family will be happier rather than have to deal with the Grinch Stealing The Day.

Not every household can afford to cover the cost of everyone's food at Christmas.

Do you think it's more important that the host pays or that families get to spend Christmas Day together?

So three meat centrepieces for five people? Truly we have become a nation of gluttons, no better than the yanks.

It does cost a fair bit, we save throughout the year for Christmas so it doesn’t feel as big of a problem. Aldi/food offers from the shops during the lead up are my best friends!

For Thanksgiving we got two frozen turkeys (60) potatoes, veg, cranberries, bread and chestnuts for American stuffing, crisps and nuts for beforehand, ice cream and soft drinks and some other bits - plus a few bottles of wine. Totalled around £150 because our friends brought wine. If we’d done as we have in previous years and provided everything it would be more like £200 or so with desserts and another few bottles of wine. And it’s not fancy food for the most part as we don’t do a starter and make everything from scratch.

So this is what everyone does then? Charge for Christmas dinner? I had no idea.

No wonder she asked for a contribution if all you normally bring is wine and crackers!

That’s really tight. Christmas food costs a bomb. Get a grip!

You didn't answer my question.

Seems reasonable to me. We split the hosting so one year one family does Christmas Eve one does Christmas Day one does Boxing Day. Then rotate the next year. However, if we only got together on Christmas Day and one sibling always hosted then we wouldn’t need asking to contribute we’d have been offering long before it got to that point or at least being more than wine and crackers!

I'm trying to work this out.

There's plenty of ways to do a slap up dinner which is extravagant without buying it all from bloody M&S or Waitrose.

YABU. You will be eating and drinking more than £30 worth of food and drink. I understand why its often easier, if you are hosting, to be responsible for buying and cooking everything instead of people bringing a dish. You want to be sure that you have what you need and not risk asking someone to bring the turkey or ham and then fails to deliver. She shouldn't have had to ask tbh, you and the rest of the family should have offered.

We go to my DB and SIL every year as they have the room to host a large family gathering.

I transfer £125 to contribute for 5 of us (all adults) and we bring champagne, wine and beers on the day too. I also cook one of the turkeys and bring it with me. They don’t charge as such, but I think it’s only fair we pay our way. I also spend a fairly decent amount on their presents by way of thanks. If your contribution is £30 for your family, I think that’s still very generous on their part.

I would always take wine, chocolates, etc make pudding,whatever was needed but would never expect to pay towards it, not would I expect anyone to do that for me.

For a normal meal, maybe. For actual Christmas dinner, though? Good grief.

£30 is nothing to feed you, DH and your kids.

Please do take wine and crackers too and be grateful for her effort, you are taking her massively for granted.

You know you have a good thing here, which is why you’re going to her for Christmas again.

We’re having fillet of beef this year for Christmas dinner. We’ve just ordered it from the farm shop… £140. Yeah we could buy a cheap turkey, but we don’t want to. We don’t have any other meat though so probably pay an extra £20 for veg and dessert, and maybe £20 on canapés that we have in place of a starter.

A supermarket turkey, e.g. Asda medium quality, would be around £40. A ham or beef joint in case not everyone likes turkey £15. Plus 2 types of stuffing (sausage meat & say sage & onion) say about £15. At least 3-4 different veg and 2 types of potatoes for 15-20 people, probably another £20. Pigs in blankets at least another tenner if you have 2-4 each. So at basic level already heading for a hundred quid for the main meal assuming everything is basic standard.

Starters, probably at least £2-3 per person. Choice of desserts (not everyone likes Christmas pudding) say £30-35. Half decent crackers another £20 minimum, another hundred quid or so.

Cheeseboard with a decent choice & biscuits, probably £40. Mince pies, chocolates, soft drinks, coffees. If there's more than just the main meal, bread/rolls etc for the evening to go with cold meat.

So minimum £250, unless you want to go up a level or 2 on the quality. One person I knew it was costing her around £500 about 8 years ago for 12 people plus alcohol just for dinner (everything fresh & local including the meat, M&S rather than Asda etc).

You don’t seem to get it at all, so let’s turn it around…….My sister and her family come to my house every year for Christmas. They’ve offered to bring things before, but to be honest she’s a terrible cook and I’d prefer she didn’t. Thing is - they bring one bottle of wine, don’t help on the day and have never once offered to host or cover the cost. She says I love the hosting and am picky. But whilst Christmas means a lot to me and I love treating my family, I’m actually sick of it feeling so unappreciated me planning, cooking, hosting, entertaining and cleaning up after everyone had become the status quo. On top of this, financials have got a bit on top of me this year - mumsnet what do you think I should do?

Absolutely NOONE would be telling her to put up with it. They would all be saying you are a CF and to not invite you or charge you cash. Actually, it’s mumsnet, they might suggest Low contact 🤷‍♀️🫣.

So maybe, rather than voice your opinions about why Christmas shouldn’t be transactional or why you feel you are the martyr going to her house, maybe ask yourself WHY she’s after £30.

It depends what you want.

A fresh good quality turkey is expensive.

A big rib of beef with the fillet in , well unaffordable for us except at Christmas when we all chip in.

Home made Stuffing with dried apricots and real nuts / decent chipolatas and streaky bacon, sausage meat.

I just made Nigella’s Classic Christmas cake in a 23” tin (big), I kg of fruit plus glacé cherries, ground almonds, eggs, had to buy a bottle of brandy (Lidl) to use half, 4 packs of marzipan @£2 each…

Stuff really adds up, for the whole day. Smoked salmon canapés, different drinks etc.

We never get anything ready made/ ready prepped from M&S or Waitrose (or anywhere).

You can do it on a budget but if you want lots of nice stuff you can’t afford all year the overall bill can be high.

Ah yes, we spend about £70 on a cheese board too.
(Nothing comes from M&S or Waitrose. Meat and veg from the farm shop. Cheese from a really good deli near us. I make the canapés and dessert).

I know more fat Brits than I do fat Americans so there’s that. We are doing ham on Christmas and just with that and basic sides it’s costing £150 for 4 of us.

@Crispynoodle how many puddings can you get for £10 to cater for at least 3 families

Wine and crackers! God you are completely taking the piss and her suggesting you all contribute financially is likely because you are not contributing generously in terms of food and drink. I always host and my sister and her husband always buy the big turkey crown as well as a fillet of beef and lots of bottles of wine.

Yes - possibly. I guess it depends on the family dynamics at play. Asking for contributions might actually be her way of signalling that this is becoming a burden and she'd like a year off...