Page 24 | to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 2025-12-01T15:26:14+00:00

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 01/12/2025 20:25

DreamTheMoors · 01/12/2025 20:02

My sister used to host Christmas every year.
She’d cook a big turkey and a big ham and then the rest of us would bring mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes and a salad and string beans and another hot veggie and other miscellaneous sides - it evened out quite nicely.

I was visiting my mum once and she spilled that she and my dad bought the turkey and ham every year because we wouldn’t let them bring anything.
But - my sister neglected to tell anybody that.
I mean, who cares, but it sure takes the balance off.
Except hosting is a gigantic job. I’ll give her that.
I think hosting 18-20 people evens the whole situation out. All the table-setting, all that stress, all the mess, even though we all pitched in with the cleaning up.
Yeah - it might be lopsided in the host’s favour.
You hosts know what I’m talking about. ❤️

Yeah, that's really not remotely anywhere near even, and not in the way you're thinking...

Llamallamafruitpyjama · 01/12/2025 20:26

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 20:21

I’ve been busy sorting dinner and helping my children with their homework and reading, I didn’t expect to get so many replies, and don’t have time to read every post before we start the bedtime routine. Even now every time I get to the end of the thread there’s 10 new replies to read.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

I feel the need to defend myself again about the crackers and wine. The only people who drink the wine are sister, BIL and DH. My parents are devout catholics who don’t drink and raised us in the same tradition, and while I don’t go to church as often as I’d like, I also avoid alcohol and am the designated driver. Out of respect when we’re around my parents, DH, DS and BIL usually avoid booze altogether but make an exception to share a special bottle at Christmas. I think my dad would have a heart attack if we showed up with a case of wine and several bottles of spirits!! The crackers I have are the fancy crackers I know sister likes - multiple cracker types, flavours, and shapes. It’s not a half opened packet of Jacob’s like someone said.

£30 for you and your husband and your multiple (3?) children to all eat multiple courses? INSANE you’re complaining! Good luck finding a meal yourself for that much and you’d have to do the cooking. You’re horrible to your sister who is nice enough to host you all when she really doesn’t have to. She could just invite your parents and leave you to it and have you over just for a cup of tea etc which is what a lot of families do. You’re very lucky! Maybe tell your sister THANK YOU or stay home.

itsthetea · 01/12/2025 20:27

OP how much do you estimate you spend vs what your sister is spending on your family ? Does it seem even - one bottle and some crackers compared to 4 roast dinners ? With starters ? Plus anything else ?

if there is a reciprocal arrangement over the year fine - but if the cost is always on her you can see why she might start to find it tough

Widestripeson · 01/12/2025 20:27

£30 is a bargain!!!!!!! Can’t believe how ungrateful people are.

Llamallamafruitpyjama · 01/12/2025 20:28

itsthetea · 01/12/2025 20:27

OP how much do you estimate you spend vs what your sister is spending on your family ? Does it seem even - one bottle and some crackers compared to 4 roast dinners ? With starters ? Plus anything else ?

if there is a reciprocal arrangement over the year fine - but if the cost is always on her you can see why she might start to find it tough

And OP is begrudging her sister despite never hosting. I doubt she has any idea how bloody expensive this must be for her sister to pay for her own family, her sister and her kids and their parents.

wrongthinker · 01/12/2025 20:30

So you contribute one bottle of wine that most people don't even want, and a packet of crackers. And you think your sister is being stingy asking you for a tiny contribution for a huge meal for you and all your family?

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 01/12/2025 20:31

DreamTheMoors · 01/12/2025 20:22

It was ONE meal which we ALL contributed to.
My sister lives in a very large custom home with a very large kitchen - we easily heated everything for the entire meal and enjoyed it every year.
It’s quite a feast considering 15-20 people contribute something to it.
Now, my niece hosts. She also lives in a large, custom home and we continue our Christmas tradition - only our parents are no longer with us.
However, we manage to have a turkey and ham, mashed and sweet potatoes, a variety of vegetables and a cornucopia of desserts.
Everyone Contributes.

Would you like to be sarcastic about that?

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Oh I'll bite.

If one person (or couple) is buying two turkeys and a large ham and another person is buying potatoes, it isn't even remotely even.

If you were under the impression that the person who did the hosting was also the person who purchased all that meat, that's even worse.

It sounds like an absolutely lovely tradition for everybody to bring a dish, and I would love to be involved in something like that, but you said that it worked out even, and it definitely didn't. That's what people are picking you up on.

PinkyFlamingo · 01/12/2025 20:32

Betsylee · 01/12/2025 19:31

I think this is dreadful, I can't understand why you would host if you're short of money. I cannot imagine asking anyone to my home and charging for anything. What has happened to the world, if you host you're happy to do so!

Yea if everyone was taking turns and didnt insist it was at yours every year!

RabbitsNBears · 01/12/2025 20:34

wrongthinker · 01/12/2025 20:30

So you contribute one bottle of wine that most people don't even want, and a packet of crackers. And you think your sister is being stingy asking you for a tiny contribution for a huge meal for you and all your family?

no, not everyone drinks it, but importantly the sister and BIL do drink it, and as they are the hosts I think thats fair enough.

I can't believe how this thread has gone. In my day Christmas was about family coming together around a dining table, and who gives two stuffs about posh grub, it really is such sad days we are living in.

AngelicKaty · 01/12/2025 20:36

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 20:21

I’ve been busy sorting dinner and helping my children with their homework and reading, I didn’t expect to get so many replies, and don’t have time to read every post before we start the bedtime routine. Even now every time I get to the end of the thread there’s 10 new replies to read.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

I feel the need to defend myself again about the crackers and wine. The only people who drink the wine are sister, BIL and DH. My parents are devout catholics who don’t drink and raised us in the same tradition, and while I don’t go to church as often as I’d like, I also avoid alcohol and am the designated driver. Out of respect when we’re around my parents, DH, DS and BIL usually avoid booze altogether but make an exception to share a special bottle at Christmas. I think my dad would have a heart attack if we showed up with a case of wine and several bottles of spirits!! The crackers I have are the fancy crackers I know sister likes - multiple cracker types, flavours, and shapes. It’s not a half opened packet of Jacob’s like someone said.

"I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it." Even in this comment you couldn't resist a dig at your DSis could you? Nasty. I hope she sees this thread and never invites you again.

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 01/12/2025 20:37

Betsylee · 01/12/2025 19:31

I think this is dreadful, I can't understand why you would host if you're short of money. I cannot imagine asking anyone to my home and charging for anything. What has happened to the world, if you host you're happy to do so!

What happened is the cost of housing and everyday items massively outstripped wages, creating a cost of living crisis. Previously comfortable families in the UK now struggle to afford day to day, and someone who could previously afford to host their extended family now cannot. Yet from OP's comments, it sounds like the family tradition has become that the sister is the Christmas host as she lives right in the middle of the various branches of the family - so she maybe offered to host years ago when she could afford it, but now struggles to provide such a large special meal for so many.

TheKeatingFive · 01/12/2025 20:37

RabbitsNBears · 01/12/2025 20:34

no, not everyone drinks it, but importantly the sister and BIL do drink it, and as they are the hosts I think thats fair enough.

I can't believe how this thread has gone. In my day Christmas was about family coming together around a dining table, and who gives two stuffs about posh grub, it really is such sad days we are living in.

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It's not about 'posh grub' though. It's about the cost of feeding that many people, which is very significant these days, regardless of how posh anything is.

The fact that the OP thinks her share is covered by one bottle of wine and a box of crackers is absolutely ludicrous.

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 01/12/2025 20:38

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 20:21

I’ve been busy sorting dinner and helping my children with their homework and reading, I didn’t expect to get so many replies, and don’t have time to read every post before we start the bedtime routine. Even now every time I get to the end of the thread there’s 10 new replies to read.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

I feel the need to defend myself again about the crackers and wine. The only people who drink the wine are sister, BIL and DH. My parents are devout catholics who don’t drink and raised us in the same tradition, and while I don’t go to church as often as I’d like, I also avoid alcohol and am the designated driver. Out of respect when we’re around my parents, DH, DS and BIL usually avoid booze altogether but make an exception to share a special bottle at Christmas. I think my dad would have a heart attack if we showed up with a case of wine and several bottles of spirits!! The crackers I have are the fancy crackers I know sister likes - multiple cracker types, flavours, and shapes. It’s not a half opened packet of Jacob’s like someone said.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

Sounds like you still have bad grace about it.

I'm flabbergasted that you can't see that splitting the cost of the ingredients when the same person always hosts is just plain fair and reasonable.

sittingonabeach · 01/12/2025 20:40

Poor sister she has to host and can't even have more than a glass of wine

wrongthinker · 01/12/2025 20:40

RabbitsNBears · 01/12/2025 20:34

no, not everyone drinks it, but importantly the sister and BIL do drink it, and as they are the hosts I think thats fair enough.

I can't believe how this thread has gone. In my day Christmas was about family coming together around a dining table, and who gives two stuffs about posh grub, it really is such sad days we are living in.

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Well, clearly OP's sister cares about putting on a nice experience for the family. It doesn't have to be 'posh grub' to cost a fortune. The price of food is ridiculous at the moment. Even basic things have gone up two or threefold.

Why shouldn't family make a contribution so that they can spend time together and enjoy a meal? Or to put it another way, why should one person have to do all the work and cover all the expense while the rest of her family turn up basically empty handed?

Original poster

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 20:41

FlockofSquirrels · 01/12/2025 20:24

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

Good lord.

So after all of this you'll be hosting next year, right?

I won’t partly because I know she won’t come. I’m putting the family first by going to Christmas at her place and paying the money she asked for. Like I said before, she’s really into her food and clearly doesn’t think that my food is what she wants for Christmas Day. I know everyone will be screaming about spaghetti hoops, but I can make a nice simple Christmas dinner. Turkey, pigs in blankets, stuffing balls, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, mash, carrots, sprouts, and peas. I can already hear the disappointment about shop bought gravy (the fancy stuff in the packet - not Bisto!) and not honey roasting the carrots. Everything she makes is in a sauce with herbs and nuts sprinkled on top and that’s not the kind of cook I am.

OP posts:

RebeccaofSunnybrookFarm · 01/12/2025 20:43

WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 01/12/2025 20:31

Oh I'll bite.

If one person (or couple) is buying two turkeys and a large ham and another person is buying potatoes, it isn't even remotely even.

If you were under the impression that the person who did the hosting was also the person who purchased all that meat, that's even worse.

It sounds like an absolutely lovely tradition for everybody to bring a dish, and I would love to be involved in something like that, but you said that it worked out even, and it definitely didn't. That's what people are picking you up on.

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“If one person (or couple) is buying two turkeys and a large ham and another person is buying potatoes, it isn't even remotely even.”

Yeah, but the person bringing the potatoes isn’t going to be eating the two turkeys and large ham all by themself, are they? They might not even eat meat (lots of people are vegetarian or vegan nowadays), in which case the person or couple buying might actually be quids in.

Cosyblankets · 01/12/2025 20:43

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 20:21

I’ve been busy sorting dinner and helping my children with their homework and reading, I didn’t expect to get so many replies, and don’t have time to read every post before we start the bedtime routine. Even now every time I get to the end of the thread there’s 10 new replies to read.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

I feel the need to defend myself again about the crackers and wine. The only people who drink the wine are sister, BIL and DH. My parents are devout catholics who don’t drink and raised us in the same tradition, and while I don’t go to church as often as I’d like, I also avoid alcohol and am the designated driver. Out of respect when we’re around my parents, DH, DS and BIL usually avoid booze altogether but make an exception to share a special bottle at Christmas. I think my dad would have a heart attack if we showed up with a case of wine and several bottles of spirits!! The crackers I have are the fancy crackers I know sister likes - multiple cracker types, flavours, and shapes. It’s not a half opened packet of Jacob’s like someone said.

What does being Catholic have to do with not drinking?
I don't care how posh the wine is. It's still a bottle of wine.
We rotate Christmas in our family. But we still take bits an be a few bottles of wine to each other's houses.

SomethingFun · 01/12/2025 20:45

£30 is not bad for Xmas dinner - you’d be hard pushed to do it for less even with packet gravy 😁 If you resent it that much say you want to do a small family Xmas next year at yours and if you can’t/ won’t say that then suck it up. It could be worse 😊

wrongthinker · 01/12/2025 20:45

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 20:41

I won’t partly because I know she won’t come. I’m putting the family first by going to Christmas at her place and paying the money she asked for. Like I said before, she’s really into her food and clearly doesn’t think that my food is what she wants for Christmas Day. I know everyone will be screaming about spaghetti hoops, but I can make a nice simple Christmas dinner. Turkey, pigs in blankets, stuffing balls, roast potatoes, Yorkshire puddings, mash, carrots, sprouts, and peas. I can already hear the disappointment about shop bought gravy (the fancy stuff in the packet - not Bisto!) and not honey roasting the carrots. Everything she makes is in a sauce with herbs and nuts sprinkled on top and that’s not the kind of cook I am.

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So have your own Christmas at home and don't invite anyone? Bet you still can't do it for £30. And honestly, your food sounds basic - a Sunday dinner, essentially. Your sister goes the extra mile and clearly you take advantage of her generosity. But even if she cooked something as basic as you describe, it would still be costing her a lot of money and you should still contribute.

AutumnAllTheWay · 01/12/2025 20:46

Wish we could pay £30 and go round someone's house for any fancy meal, would-be heaven. Bargain.

I wish people would split costs gor thongs more often, especially a meal that takes so much effort and expense

MrsLeonFarrell · 01/12/2025 20:46

£30 is a token amount, it's sad that you begrudge contributing.

Actupfishy · 01/12/2025 20:46

You're kinda stingy

RabbitsNBears · 01/12/2025 20:46

Cosyblankets · 01/12/2025 20:43

What does being Catholic have to do with not drinking?
I don't care how posh the wine is. It's still a bottle of wine.
We rotate Christmas in our family. But we still take bits an be a few bottles of wine to each other's houses.

Show quote history

many Irish catholics practice abstinence. My darling Nanny was from Cork and wore a 'pioneers pin' and refused to have alcohol under her roof. Another old tradition sadly dying out.

Cosyblankets · 01/12/2025 20:49

RabbitsNBears · 01/12/2025 20:46

many Irish catholics practice abstinence. My darling Nanny was from Cork and wore a 'pioneers pin' and refused to have alcohol under her roof. Another old tradition sadly dying out.

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I was brought up on a Catholic family and there's none of that in my family