to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

1 bottle of wine and some crackers with no cheese. Not generous.

It's tricky though - hosting at Christmas is horrifically expensive, and you don't realise it until you do it! The turkey, the ham, the veg, the odds of ingredients (stuffing, sauces, etc) the starter, dessert, cheeseboard, liquers, aperitif, wine, whatever.
I first hosted in my 20's, for 12 people, and I was staggered by the cost of it. Now I'm way more thoughtful when I am being hosted about contributing - particularly stuff that doesnt go off (booze!) that can be enjoyed by hosts way after the event. I would prefer to pay, but theres no way my in-laws would accept that - even though we probably have more disposable income than them.

Bringing a course isn't always helpful as you'll need space for last minute prep, fridge space, etc.

So, good for sil to ask for cash contrbution.. Embarrassing to do it, and you should probably give nearer 100 than 30.

A big turkey and ham vs mashed potatoes or string beans?! How did you see that as evening out? Good job your parents paid for the meat. Hosting is so labour intensive. Doesn't compare with making some mashed potatoes.

Offer to bring more items , agree with her first so you don't double up.
Dessert and starter , children's drinks , Christmas crackers and buffet items , if you supplied those it would cost more than £30

I think the charge for children should be half price. Babies free. Vegetarian family members should pay a reduced fee as they don’t eat meat. If family members don’t drink alcohol, there should be a reduction in fee as well. If you’re a Boomer, pay double cause we know you’re all loaded 😁.

Just the meat we put on is £100 here… we also buy a 12 bottle box of nice wine… some crackers and some wine doesn’t cost very much. How many is she feeding?
I don’t charge, but my family do all offer to bring things like cheese board, and make starters or a dessert…so I think you’re being super tight actually OP.

Do you realise how much the turkey alone costs? Unless you normally take turns hosting without charging, & it's only £30 then yabvu. Why should she foot the whole bill?

You sound fun!

My friend has hosted her entire family for as long as I can remember - going back decades. People do bring food but she wouldn't dream of charging anyone. If your sister can't afford to host then she shouldn't offer.

However, I do think you could contribute more than just wine and crackers.

I once hosted Christmas for my parents, brother, his DP & my MIL. My parents rang me in advance to ask what should they bring - we agreed that they would bring cream, wine, port, & some things for a buffet in the evening. In the end they brought most of the buffet - I'm talking bread rolls, nice butter, cheeses, crackers, <home made> chutney, pickles, salad stuff etc. Mum made some truffles & chocolate covered mint fondant sweets & put them in fancy boxes for everyone to take home with them. That was generous of them and I was grateful.

Brother & his DP also brought wine, a bottle of expensive whiskey a tub of Quality St & flowers for me to thank me for doing all the cooking etc.

MIL turned up completely empty handed - well, when I say that, <now> XH collected her & took her home so that she could have a drink - and she certainly enjoyed a few drinks(!)

Needless to say MIL was never invited again, even though she dropped plenty of hints about what a good time she had had.

A bottle of wine & some crackers is not enough of a contribution to a Christmas dinner IMO.

Erm, because she's happy to, because she's got the space to accommodate everybody and the location that suits everybody else.

Imagine having the audacity to complain about being asked to contribute a small amount of money towards the cost of ingredients because the person who is saving you from cooking, cleaning, travelling much further etc etc is happy to do so, and it is convenient for everybody else to let her, but she is struggling with the cost of it. Now imagine being resentful of contributing a meagre amount to an actual member of your family that you supposedly like!!

Christmas dinner for multiple people must cost a fortune i would not be bothered if was asked to contribute

We always split the cost of christmas day!! I genuinely DO not understand why people think its ok for one household to bear the cost of what is a very expensive day. It depends on how you frame this, doesnt it surely??
If some people want to say i "charge" my family for christmas day, then thats their opinion. We, as a family do not see it that way
We all contribute. With money. Not a random bottle of wine, or a packet of cheese biscuits. And thats fair. We have NO problems with hosting, and everyone gets a say in what we eat, and we discuss this as a family.
how much more complicated than that does it need to be.?

Cost of living crisis is a thing. People's financial circumstances change.

It suits the rest of the family just fine for her, the person with the big enough facilities, central enough location and Nigella-level cooking skills, to host. It suits her to host, it sounds like she's happy to do so but is struggling with the cost, having foot it for the last 5 years she is unable to do so this year for whatever reason. Another member of the family is welcome to offer to host, but everybody would be cutting their nose off to spite their face if the cost of keeping it hosted by happy Nigella in central centresville is £30.

Another way that it could be made fairer would be if they all benefitted from her central location, big house and cooking skills, but each family unit paid whatever the total cost of all of the food and drink is, each year in turn. But - and how hard this must be to believe - absolutely nobody has offered this!!! I KNOW RIGHT?!! And if they did, I think they'd all be rather shocked and put out to discover that the true cost was much, much more than £30 a year, with the first 4 or 5 years free...

I would never ask someone for money for hosting at Christmas but I’ve hugely appreciated it if they have offered. It’s incredibly expensive to put on a decent spread for that many. Suck it up.

YABU. I'm not sure you understand how expensive everything can be for a proper full Christmas Dinner. Yes the Veg is super cheap, but the meat absolutely isn't. It's cost us over £100 for the meat from the butchers this year - granted it's not all for Christmas day, but the Turkey and Gammon is.
I always host Christmas as I have the space, but I also wouldn't like others bringing food/a dish along, as I like to prep and cook it all myself.
In the past I have asked my sister and her family for a contribution towards the food, as times were hard - she was more than happy to help.

we host Christmas often fr lol ur big family. People bring stuff but there are a lot of extra hidden cost that add up associated with people coming. Like buying extra glasses, ice, decorations, things get broken, people bring wine but we have to provide extra, soft drinks, crackers, etc. My sister brings pudding but there are a I have to do the brandy cream and custard etc. Plus it is a lot of extra work with the cleaning of the house before and after. We don’t ask for money but there are family members who never ever host and I often feel unappreciated. I know people will just say “don’t host then” but it’s nice to have a get together and the kids see their cousins. Plus the oldies would be on their own.

Wine and cheese board is a piss take.

Everyone should contribute by bringing a course plus wine/drinks.

Stay at home, christmas with cousins and grandparents in another persons over crowded house sounds like a literal nightmare.

My DH grew up doing that every other year and hated the years they got dragged out to family. I grew up having Christmas at home then as I got older my step dad started bring his family, I preferred it without.

Honestly do not get why people act like being forcibly crammed together with extended family and having to act certain way or host is the 'good' bit, its really not.

Stay home and have the best Christmas without any stress.

I’ve been busy sorting dinner and helping my children with their homework and reading, I didn’t expect to get so many replies, and don’t have time to read every post before we start the bedtime routine. Even now every time I get to the end of the thread there’s 10 new replies to read.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

I feel the need to defend myself again about the crackers and wine. The only people who drink the wine are sister, BIL and DH. My parents are devout catholics who don’t drink and raised us in the same tradition, and while I don’t go to church as often as I’d like, I also avoid alcohol and am the designated driver. Out of respect when we’re around my parents, DH, DS and BIL usually avoid booze altogether but make an exception to share a special bottle at Christmas. I think my dad would have a heart attack if we showed up with a case of wine and several bottles of spirits!! The crackers I have are the fancy crackers I know sister likes - multiple cracker types, flavours, and shapes. It’s not a half opened packet of Jacob’s like someone said.

It was ONE meal which we ALL contributed to.
My sister lives in a very large custom home with a very large kitchen - we easily heated everything for the entire meal and enjoyed it every year.
It’s quite a feast considering 15-20 people contribute something to it.
Now, my niece hosts. She also lives in a large, custom home and we continue our Christmas tradition - only our parents are no longer with us.
However, we manage to have a turkey and ham, mashed and sweet potatoes, a variety of vegetables and a cornucopia of desserts.
Everyone Contributes.

Would you like to be sarcastic about that?

Haha, this is how DH and I felt. DS (9) asked this year if we were having a "boring Christmas" or if we were seeing family - clearly want what we don't have!

Some right tight arses on here - resenting on the op’s behalf that her £30 might go towards the leftovers and not be 100% spent on what op eats. That the sister might not be buying the cheapest of meats and vegetables and wasting the op’s £30 on her la-di-dah poncy food instead of letting op go down to Netto and choose her own cheese.

I’m also utterly flabbergasted by this Victorian style ridiculousness about asking family to chip in for an expensive one off event that they don’t reciprocate. ‘Hosting’ is such a twatty word as well 😁

She would be bitching of her sister didn’t host as she’s made clear by ‘we just all want to be together.’ She won’t give her sister any money to find herself and her multiple children eating there so I doubt she would pay for a meal out either.

I’ve transferred the money. I still don’t like the thought, but if £30 is the price my sister puts on nice having a family Christmas so be it.

Good lord.

So after all of this you'll be hosting next year, right?