to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

We’re always joking about me that you have to tell me a time half an hour before you want me because I’m always running late

Maybe she doesn't want to rely on her sister for being any sort of dish/course for Christmas dinner because you are unreliable. She obviously knows you better than we all do, and from what we know about you, we know that:-

you pitch up to Christmas with your family with one bottle of wine and some crackers and think that's an acceptable contribution.

You think that being asked to pay a £30 contribution is completely unreasonable.

You're known for always being late.

I would imagine she's thinking that if it's your job to do, the starter, you'll pitch up an hour late with some cans of Happy Shopper tomato soup.

When I used to host my whole family for 2 days, so a good 10-15 of us. I would ask for a financial contribution, its easier than trusting people to bring what they are asked to, in enough quantity to be useful, and not have someone forget, or suddenly get sick so can't attend a vital component is then missing.

Christmas costs a lot if there is a lot of people attending, I cant quite believe you haven't offered to financially compensate your sister before given you know she doesn't want you supplying food, money is obvious!

Just pay this tiny amount, & maybe just bring a bottle of plonk if you're so tight-fisted.

Oh, I WOULD offer to contribute. It's the sheer brass neck of people actually ASKING their own flesh and blood to pay for food at their house that leaves me speechless. You must excuse me. I've been decorating my mum's house since last year and I've never asked her to PAY me! I must go have a word in her shell- like!🤣🤣🤣

It sounds like she works really hard to produce something really special for the whole family and takes pride & pleasure in doing so.
£30 sounds like a bargain - pay it with good grace

i've asked before, but it's because people come for the whole day, so i'm not just catering for lunch, we also put out a 'picky' spread in the evening with salad, cheeses, cold meats, crisps, dips, trifle & cake...etc, and provide alcohol, and free reign on soft drinks.

Feeding 8 people two fairly substantial meals is a bit of a hit to the pocket these days.

And maybe OP's DSis could "heavily hint this will be the last time" she hosts the whole family for Christmas entirely at her own expense.

Have you considered bringing more than one bottle of wine and some crackers?

Anyway, I don’t know what your problem is. If you want to go pay, if you don’t want to go, don’t and stay at home.

Yeah, no issue with contributing cash here - she does it every year, sounds like she does it well and the price of food and sundries have skyrocketed in the last year or two. Surprised you haven’t offered to pay towards it before, @OneTicketForChristmasDinner. I’ve paid towards family Christmas meals for years now. It’s REALLY unfair otherwise.

The fact she is ‘central to everybody’ isn’t a good enough reason for her to do Christmas every year. And pay for it.
The fact you’re sniggering at her efforts because she likes to do things a certain way won’t help either.

Id suggest next year, you’re the one hosting. Doing all the cooking, the cleaning, buying all the food. And your dsister brings the crackers and the wine.
That way you dint have to pay £30.
You can have the food I related your way, with no fuss. Wo being Nigella.
It sounds like a good compromise I think.

And next year, come back and tell us how it went. Easy? Any comment on the food you’ve prepared from family, your mum? Any comparaison maybe 😱😱
Seriously, try it.

OP do you actually have any idea whatsoever how much it costs to do a full Christmas dinner with extras like a cheeseboard, I’m presuming some form of dessert and perhaps a starter too? And you have the audacity to suggest that £30 is a bit much for her to ask?

On top of the actual cost of everything, have you also not considered the fact that she’s cooking, probably most of the day? And also the time shopping for everything too?

£30 is absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. If you’re that put out about it, buy a slightly cheaper bottle of wine and crackers to make up for it. Or just don’t go and stay at home with your wine, crackers and make your own Christmas dinner for less than £30.

£30 seems fair, if there’s 2 of you that’s £15 a head (less if you have DC’s).

I am a bit like your Dsis when it comes to cooking, I am a bit of a food snob so wouldn’t want people bringing food items as I like to have the best for Christmas.

I would happily pay not to host Christmas, if you were eating at a pub Christmas Day it would cost you around £100 per head so I don’t see the issue. I am sure she didn’t really want to ask you all for cash but boasting costs a fortune and it sounds like she does it most years.

Pictures emerge of OP's sister and family....
😂

The fact you have offered to bring dishes etc shows you know you should be contributing so I don't see what the problem is. You should have all been offering money a long time ago.

If you've got a problem with how she hosts and what she makes and the fact she wants the best - don't go.

Id suggest next year, you’re the one hosting. Doing all the cooking, the cleaning, buying all the food. And your dsister brings the crackers and the wine.That way you dint have to pay £30.

Yup, this.

Hosting Christmas dinner costs an absolute fortune. The meat alone can cost upwards of £20 to feed 6-8 people. Do they always host or do the family take it in turns? If nobody else takes a turn hosting I think it's fair that others contribute in some way. Personally I would not like to ask, but we host every year and it really does cost so much money, I have started asking family to being specific things - someone brings a starter, someone brings dessert, my parents buy the meat. We get everything else and usually spend the entire morning or the night before prepping everything.
If we couldn't afford it but it meant there was no other way to spend Xmas together I would explain we could host but can't afford to foot the whole food bill and would ask if people could chip in so we can still spend time together - or just invite for drinks in the afternoon instead of Xmas dinner.

I think the dsister should very heavily hint, this is the last time she cooks Christmas dinner for everyone.

The whole family is taking her efforts for granted. Basically insinuating that if she wasnt trying to ‘do it perfectly as if she was Nigella’, it would be easy and no problem.
No consideration for the work and money involved in preparing Christmas dinner for the whole family.

Has everyone been asked to contribute? It seems very unfair for them to host every year, do all the work, and pay for food and drink for up to 10 people!

Fwiw, now our kids are adults and have families of their own, we go to them. We arrive laden with goodies, including lots of wine plus either pay for the meat (turkey, pork, big gammon joint, ect ect) or put an equivalent amount of cash in the kitty.
You shouldn’t have waited to be asked- just given a suitable generous amount in the Christmas card.

Crackers and a bottle of wine! Blimey

Next year, if she offers to host you could accept and suggest that you'll sort the meat order. (You could do that for this year, but probs a bit late.) My mum & dad suggested that to me (as host) this year and it's a really practical offer that also lifts the financial burden.

I think that's quite cheap, it would cost a lot more if everyone did their own Christmas Dinner in their own house. In the 80s my FIL would give me £10 "just for the turkey" and they would bring wine, beer, gin, some savory food, probably some fancy cakes or biscuits, plus sweets and lots of stuff for the children.

I can’t even imagine being offended by this. She’s hosting, she’s spending a lot of money, she’d like some help with the costs 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think a bottle of wine and crackers is not only easy, but quite cheap. Sorry, but my family are hardly well off and we make more of an effort and each chip in because only a couple of us can host and it wouldn't be fair for the same family members to shell out.

I'm hosting a small get together and I'm not asking for anything, as it's children and grandchildren, but even just setting the table to look nice, make sure we have enough glasses etc, crackers, and activities costs money before we even buy food and drink.

I think you've really underestimated how expensive it is.

That's such a weird attitude to take, though.

Every year the entire large family descend on this sister's house for Christmas. Presumably she is happy to host, but is finding the cost is harder and harder to foot all by herself, and is perhaps feeling resentful that some people turn up empty handed or near empty handed, get waited on hand and foot and then fuck off again.

If as a family you presumably love your relatives and want them to enjoy seeing you and not dread your arrival, why the fuck wouldn't you be happy to share the cost of the pricey event they are putting on for you?! Why the fuck wouldn't you be grateful for the huge time and effort and resources they are gifting to you and your entire family every single year, and not want them to also be left significantly out of pocket when the cost could be shared?!

If you can't ask your own family to share the cost of the things that they will eat and drink, I despair.

They aren't paying for her labour in planning, shopping and, preparing and cooking the food and washing up afterwards, and I presume you aren't buying a new set of decorations for your mother every year!

I think if she has hosted for many years and is only now asking, its clear that she is asking as she needs it.
Not because she is being tight.

TBH if my sister asked me for £30 as a contribution, I'd prob just give her £40 or £50, as it won't have been easy for her to ask.
And its less than it would cost me to cook for us a family of 4 at home, and probably a bit more of a reasonable contribution towards what she is spending for a party of 10+ people.

Go to a Toby Carvery with £30 and your family of four and see how you get on 😂