to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

I would happily pay money for someone to host Christmas for me and my family!

@imsoverytired82 sister is the one expected to host every year

The cost of hosting Christmas isn't one roast dinner. It's also starters, puddings, drinks, snacks, perhaps breakfast(s) and the third meal(s) if people are staying over. Coffees and chocolates and wine and spirits and biscuits and cheese and crackers and, and....

The cost of living crisis is real, and I think many medium and even high earners are struggling with the cost of hosting Christmas, let alone lower earners. I think if it's the same person who always hosts, then it's very sensible to share the cost, and if that £30 is for two adults plus kids then I would bet more than that that it isn't covering the cost of everything you will consume.

If you haven't had to buy a turkey and all of the things needed for a 3+ course Christmas meal plus drinks and snacks for X amount of people in the last few years, you really are in for a bit of a shock. I used to do a roast dinner every week, but the cost of a chicken has become so prohibitively expensive that roast dinners are now only for special occasion in my household.

As for her liking everything "Just So..." well, yes. It's a special occasion, and I'd feel the same as a host. Partly because when multiple people get involved in bringing different dishes it gets overly complicated and there's so much room for error. And partly because if I'm the one cleaning and tidying before you come and after you go, and cooking for and serving you all, all day and evening (and maybe multiple days), do you know what, I'm darn well going to buy the specific types of cheese and chocolates that I particularly like! 😁

My (very comfortably off) PIL tried to charge us £10/head for our family of 4 a few years ago. This is in the context of a rotation-hosting arrangement where we have never charged, and they’re insisting they host that year. Usually we’d bring booze, make dessert, etc etc. It was really odd and we stopped hosting them after that

She does host every year but that’s only because she lives centrally to everyone so it makes sense.
And maybe she'd rather not have that expectation put on her every year. There's always this sort of reasoning as to why one person gets lumbered - they live most centrally, they have the biggest house, they are better off etc then there's no breaking the tradition.
I imagine it costs her a small fortune to host everyone and it sounds like she's doing it to a high standard. Do you actually appreciate her efforts?
Answer the question - is £30 for all of you (cheap) or each (a bit much maybe)?

So have you PRESUMED she should host EVERY year?
Have YOU offered to host ever?
Is SHE happy with this arrangement?
Do you know HOW MUCH SHE SPENDS EVERY YEAR?

I suspect she's got fed up of being taken for granted.

£30 is reasonable and totally understandable if she does it every year rather than you all hosting in turn especially with the cost of everything now.

You are cutting off your own nose to spite your own face. It looks petty and ungrateful.

I’d be fine with this. We spent £180 at the butchers last year for a fillet of beef, sausages and bacon, for a dozen people.

They there’s all the veg and other trimmings (and the time, and the effort).

If it’s £30 for two adults plus kids, I’d suck it up and be thankful.

If you alternate its cheeky, if you always go to hers, its totally reasonable. You might take a few crackers and bottle of wine but hosting costs ££££ - a decent turkey and ham can be £100-150 alone, let alone nibbles, starters, cheese, pudding, drinks, crackers, extras, booze... plus if she's catering xmas eve and boxing day.

Stay at home if you'd rather...but that seems meaner than just paying it.

Clearly the wine and crackers isn’t all you’re allowed to contribute as now she’s asking you to contribute cash and I think you’re downright cheeky to refuse.

You literally couldn't buy three burgers chips and cokes in Wetherspoon's for £30. Unless you each do Christmas on alternate years, it really wouldn't hurt you to help fund the festivities. Do you have any notion what it costs to put on a fancy spread for an extended family? A bottle of plonk and a box of crackers doesn't cut the mustard.

A bottle of wine and some crackers and you feel that a sufficient contribution. I think it's your turn OP - let's see how you manage it.

You're not going to be putting on Christmas dinner at your home for 4+ people for £30, are you? So your proposal is that you pay more money in order to do all your own cooking and cleaning and not have Christmas with your parents, sibling(s) and nieces and nephews. And you'll do that all in order to gain or avoid... what? Showing your sister she isn't in charge? Making her feel guilty? Ensuring that everyone in your family knows that bringing up cost and money with you will have negative consequences?

I don't understand what you're trying to achieve or why. Your sister didn't ask for some extravagant contribution that is way out of proportion to what you would end up spending otherwise. You're her family and she wants to host you all for Christmas and feed you well, but food is expensive. The time and labor isn't what she needs help with here, so she asked someone she should be able to be vulnerable with for the help that would actually be help - a cash contribution to the shop. I can't believe you're considering boycotting Christmas with your family in response.

How do you think the cost of a bottle of wine compares with even the turkey alone? 🤦🏻‍♀️ If you don’t want to feel like you’re being “charged”, then why don’t you offer to pay the bill at the butchers this year instead? 😂

I absolutely get this,if money is an issue for the host. If money isn't an issue for the host, and they've extended the invitation,it's unforgivable- mercenary in fact.

i think family is the one group it absolutely should be ok to say hey can everyone chip in some cash for this

Maybe she would rather the money than people saying they they will bing a dish, but then turn up with nothing saying they forgot or the dish got ruined thus still getting free foer all food.

Just pay its not much or if the sour taste its left you with buy and cook your own and stay at home

I have assumed it is just Christmas dinner as this is the title of the thread. DS charging for Christmas dinner. Not anything further.

Even learning that your sister is a bit of a food snob - she’s still not being unreasonable. She’s hosting, you’re getting looked after on Christmas Day, a contribution is more than fair, and if she specifies money rather than stuff it’s easier for her.

And making life easier for her is the order of the day, given she’s hosting.

Maybe your family are offended by you being late all the time. It’s fucking annoying and shows no consideration for other people.

And YABU about paying towards the Christmas dinner. Your sister hosts every year and the only contribution you’re making aside from the crackers is ONE measly bottle of wine! Tightwad!

Hosting 15 but doing some serious delegating, one family brings all the cheese biscuits and starters for 15. One brings all puddings and crackers. All attendees bring serious amounts of booze. Only fair surely?

I host every year and when my in-laws ask what they should bring I’ll say.. A box of Quality street/ crackers/ chutneys. These are food items that they can’t really get wrong and like your sister im
a Christmas food snob.
I don’t ask for cash because I don’t need it but if my sister was hosting for my family of four I’d send her a text saying I’d transferred her £50 towards the food shop before she had to ask for it.
I think YABU, she’s obviously going all out and just because you wouldn’t mind she’s obviously not going to serve up spaghetti hoops on toast.

Just cough up. £30 for food for a whole Christmas day for a family of 4 is a bargain. You'd spend double that at home and 10 times as much if you ate out, and that would just be for one meal.

You sound mean to me.

Depends on a few things, is she wealthy, how far are you travelling, if far and by train or other costs like emissions charge and lots of petrol then maybe it balances out. I go to my eldest brother's every year over the Christmas holiday as he has a big house and can host the whole extended family, he never wants to come to ours but would never ask for a financial contribution but then again he doesn't need to!

I should add, we never go from Christmas day though. He just says he wants our good company 😂

I am afraid for some it isn't about a contribution but a way to subsidise their own Christmas dinner. Given they get all the leftovers.
Bearing in mind they would not be without the usual gubbins if not hosting.
Saying it all cost a fortune ; it may do. But nobody will ever know.