to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

I charge £20 a head for adults! I feed 12 for breakfast lunch and dinner and spend approx £400, my family appreciate all the effort that goes into preparing the meals, they wouldn’t dream of expecting me to fund it all as well. I still spend about £250 on top of what they contribute so I think you’re getting a fair deal

If your cooking efforts are the culinary equivalent of wine and crackers she has a point! Cash might feel cold to you but it is what she has asked for, think of it like paying in a restaurant, (they wouldn’t want crackers and wine either!)

@CheeseIsMyIdol if the host buys most of the food at the same shop, local to them, which we do for Christmas, how would guests contribute to that, if they don't live locally. If guests are travelling from afar by public transport do you expect them to carry food as well as presents, and possibly clothes if staying for a few days. Surely clothes and presents take priority, not a side of ham. I bet guests like that would be happy to contribute cash towards the Christmas shop rather than trying to manhandle a trifle on and off a train

Having read the 'annoying things people do at Christmas' thread, I think I'd just pay her the £30 and be done

You’re a CF.
and I can’t believe in the past if you’ve made so many offers that have been turned down that you haven’t just said “well let me just transfer you some cash towards it then, it costs you a bomb to provide special food for me and my family year upon year because your house is the most convenient to get to, some money would help redress the balance a little bit.”

We always host as we have the biggest house, it’s fine, dh likes cooking and me and the dc do the hosting while he slaves away in the kitchen. We host for 20+ people every year and would never ask anyone for a penny. We shoulder the cost ourselves but it’s in part our choice to host as otherwise we just wouldn’t all get to celebrate together.

But it IS expensive, the food shop for Christmas is around 1.5K I reckon, works out about £75 a head give or take depending on exact figures. It’s our choice to provide what we do, we could definitely scale it back but don’t need to. If we couldn’t afford it I’d definitely ask for contributions and not mind if anyone declined based on that.

Maybe just stay at home this year and enjoy your spaghetti on toast.

Yes I agree.
I don’t get why the OP isn’t insisting on paying for the turkey every year and sending a case of wine. The OP sounds tight.

How many bottles of wine are you taking? If she hosts annually, then I think you need to be taking at least 3. I’m assuming you and your husband alone get through nearly a bottle between you.

It’s not common to charge. But it’s also not common to host every year.

Be grateful. Be aware. Be willing to change things up. She goes out of her way to host, there’s really no need to be posting on mumsnet, with a good chance she’ll see this.

You might be happy with spaghetti on toast, but I like my Christmas dinner to be a bit special, so I buy the things I like.

Maybe suggest she feeds her own family the yummy Christmas dinner and you'll make hoops on toast for everyone else?

Would it feel wrong to you if you were hosting Christmas and your SIL gave you £100 towards it. I doubt it.

Food is expensive now and I'm sure she is spending well over £100 and probably £200-300 hosting you all. Stop being tight.

Bet the OP doesn't really mind the fancy food, otherwise they wouldn't be turning up year on year. They would just stay home with their tin of spaghetti hoops!

Exactly, I don’t drink

I dont think you've answered about the cost being per person or for all of you so assuming the latter
I understand about it seeming mercenary and about her not letting you contribute through bringing more
But given the overall position I would offer one more time ( politely!) to bring and prepare more. If this doesn't work then suck it up but heavily hint this will be the last time...

I will never understand in a million years why anyone would ask family to pay for a meal at their house, unless they are struggling financially.
When my friend told me her well- off brother and his spouse had asked her and her mum for £50 each towards the Christmas meal, I literally nearly choked on my drink.
Why does everything have to have a price these days?
It makes me sad.

Or perhaps they "turn up" to see their family members.

Can I just say, as the host, don’t bring flowers. Because that means finding vases for them all, arranging them etc. it’s just another job in the middle of cooking, getting drinks and snacks etc. Just bring a candle or something. Not bring a gringe here but I hate getting flowers as they’re just more work!

@CheeseIsMyIdol who all expect to be hosted by the sister

Absolutely. I would be embarrassed at even putting my DSis in the position of having to ask for a contribution to the escalating costs of hosting the entire family for dinner after years of taking her generosity for granted, let alone start a thread on MN about it. 🙄

Heavily hint this will be the last time?

Why? Is OP making her family spaghetti on toast next year?

Because hosting everyone for Christmas every year is expensive and sharing the cost is a sensible thing to do.

Is this something that’s new for your family? Surely you ‘repay’ when you host?

Not something I have come across (or would do) but I'd happily pay it, especially as it's traditional that she hosts. TBH it would be a relief to be able to pay and not have to put in any other effort.

I think a bottle of wine (if you’ll be having some yourself) and crackers doesn’t cover your share, and it’s reasonable for a family to share the costs of one of them hosting a group for Christmas. We’re taking £100 of good wine to our in laws plus cheese etc, so a bit more than we’ll consume ourselves. I wouldn’t expect someone to pay hundreds for everyone and have to cook it.

You go for free to someone’s home for Christmas, contribute nothing and make her pay for you all and have the audacity to make fun of her for being better at cooking than you? Do her a favour and yes stay home and good luck with your paltry wine and cheeseboard 😆 no way would you be able to cater for 4 on £30 if you don’t go and you don’t even have to bloody cook. Why exactly should she be paying for YOUR family to have a cooked Christmas meal when she is also cooking it all? You’re a cheeky moron.

@CiderandSprouts because things do have a price! And most decent people would offer to contribute before being asked. OP knows her sister likes to cook a certain way and therefore monetary contribution better than food contribution, just like OP likes to be late. I know which one I see as ruder.

It can be a pain if people bring a ‘dish’ as it’s a bit of a military operation doing Xmas dinner - last year my sister brought a chicken which completely threw my timings and oven space. I personally wouldn’t charge but it’s really expensive hosting - I do it every year- and it can get bigger each year/ eg when I first started hosting it was three young kids and five adults - now it’s one young kids and ten adults and even though I like to host it is kind of assumed that I’ll do it, pay for everything and people can bring a token contribution that probably cost under £10. I grit my teeth because my big family cost everyone a lot in gifts.