to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

If your sister hosts every year, then £30 is a bargain. Why should she pay for everything? This is CF territory !

I can understand why you would feel distaste at the idea of being "charged" to attend a family meal...
But think of it from the hostess's point of view who has to clean the house, do all the shopping, prepare the food, keep everyone happy while they're there, and then do all the clean up.
I didn't catch how many people would be attending the dinner, but I know as a very frequent host of my family dinners, even if you don't pick fancy wine/top-tier desserts/multiple exotic food courses, oh my God does the cost ever add up!

I didn't catch if you mentioned she wanted ask for £30 per person or per family but either way, that's a deal. You'd be paying a lot more than that at a restaurant, and I'm sorry that you think that she's ripping you off, because you brought a bottle of wine and some fancy crackers and that should be admission enough, but no.

The alternative would be that she does all the buying, and then when you all arrive she takes out all the receipts and divides it by the number of people and then you all pay or share, so her asking in advance, for the money, is at least fair and gives you a heads up.

Sorry, but You're being cheap.

Yes, can't possibly be a vanity project on that budget. Unless it's a very highly subsidised one.

I think the OP said she would be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast. So hard to say what she calls ‘fancy’. I am imagining a ‘normal’ Christmas dinner with turkey & trimmings. Possibly another joint of meat too, as otherwise OP would be giving us details of the extravagance.

At first I thought it was awful to charge for the dinner. But if she does it every year - because it's convenient for everyone- then it's fair enough that you should all contribute. The ingredients for Christmas dinner are quite expensive and she must go to a lot of trouble. Have any of you offered to help with the cost before? If not, maybe she's decided it's time you all realised how much she's putting into it.

It does. And since dsis is hosting, best that she's the one with control.

I suspect somewhere the OP thinks her family will not eat £30 worth of food and drink at one meal/day.

That DS ends up with lots of leftovers of both drink and food. That will service many meals.

Someone mentioned ten people. So say that is roughly £100 towards the cost of one meal for ten people. And drink.
Not bad as a contribution to one day I guess. Someone has said veg is cheap. Sides not too much. Waitrose sell puddings for a fiver.

That DS does Christmas every year doesn't surprise me. OP says she lives centrally to all but crucially that she enjoys being the host. It is not a drudge to her. She thrives off it. And has main person syndrome at any gathering. That she goes to town. And refuses any offers OP has made to bring food.
So would spend quite a bit on her own Christmas in any event.
She would likely buy a turkey, the sides, booze and trimmings anyway. These are not things she would not normally get I suspect.

I think it's fair, especially if she always hosts. Saves you a lot of work.

Christmas meal cost a bloody fortune. Of course give her some money

Her sister has refused such offers in the past.

If you feel that your sister tries to put on too much of a fancy affair and doesn't trust you with assisting to bring food, and that she buys everything too exotically top end and you don't like this, then your alternative is not to go to the dinner, or host one yourself!

Then you serve tinned spaghetti hoops and toast for your dinner, (nothing nigella worthy, nothing fancy, but I'm sure that op'll be able to provide a wine that pairs perfectly with it and she has lots of cracker experience so, there you go.)

Nope it’s completely reasonable. It’s so expensive to buy for so many people and you’re getting a steal, we’ve always paid at my in laws for Christmas! For 6 adults and kids, the joint of beef alone costs £100! Pay up and shut up

If you don't want to go, I'm happy to go in your place...

£30 is brilliant value.

So are you going to pay or not?

I think it depends:

• is hosting a choice, or is she expected to do it (due to size of house etc)?
• does she provide a good Christmas experience?
• have you ever hosted?

I absolutely love hosting Christmas but I won't do it every year as it can easily cost me £300 for the whole day when drinks, food, evening food, snacks etc are factored in.

Unless you bring something significant, that she's aware of in advance (and therefore doesn't need to buy 'just in case') then I think shes being fair enough if she hosts every year.

She hasn't been on here since 4 so I doubt you will get a reply.

To be fair, I would refuse offers from someone obviously tightfisted & who thought spaghetti hoops was fancy enough for Christmas dinner. Goodness knows what left overs out of the fridge she’d turn up with.

TBH I think its reasonable to ask for a contribution given the cost of food. To sell it as a charge sounds crap and she should have worded it better. Give her 50 quid

After the post I read today about someone who spends a fortune hosting Christmas every year, I can see why people ask for a financial contribution. It's an expensive time of year for most of us as it is, having to feed the whole family luxury food would be quite a strain for a lot of people.

The initial outlay is a lot. But you are left with all the leftovers of course.

She hosts apparently due to location and size of house. Combined with the fact she likes to do it.

I think this has been taken out of context. She meant she wouldn't mind something simpler, less fancy and said spaghetti hoops.
I very much doubt she meant that.

I usually host and cook but we all go food shopping together and share the cost as it would be far too much for me to afford every year just because I’m hosting it.

Cost of food has risen a lot over the last couple of years. It seems fair to help.

YABU and entitled. Why do you expect your sister to foot most of the bill? Wine and crackers are just a token contribution. You should all be splitting the cost between you.

I've just done the same! My sister hosts a dinner on boxing day which she lays on a lot for. None of us have money woes, thank God. We don't have hosting space at the moment so she always offers to do it. I'm looking forward to next year when I can be the hostess but in the interim, I recognise now how not on it is that I haven't offered before.

I think it’s ruder to just turn up with a bottle of wine and some crackers than it is to ask for a financial contribution. Why should you have Christmas dinner for free? Is your sister also cooking it all? If so, you’re expecting her to pay for AND cook your dinner? And then you complain about it?! 😂 We have an extended family Christmas dinner. Which we all pay towards because I absolutely wouldn’t expect one of my relatives to spend their Christmas cleaning for visitors, cooking, hosting and paying for everything on top of that.