to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

She's doing the work and it's her kitchen - of course she decides what food she's serving. She's perfectly entitled to say "this is what we're having and this is the amount I'd like you to chip in."
OP is perfectly entitled to say "No thanks, I prefer to have my shitty spaghetti hoops and perfectly matched wine."

Anything short of £100 and the OP is getting a bargain. My dad sends us £100 towards the Christmas hosting and we never ask for a penny. He just knows all the work and cost involved in planning, shopping and cooking.

In my family we're all pretty well off, and we don't tend to count the pennies between us. But I offer a wedge of cash to the sibling whose house I tend to go to for the Christmas break. Or I pay for a supermarket shop for the family.

Because I'm not a dick.

And of course my sibling decides what we're eating - it's their house!

@OneTicketForChristmasDinner can you confirm that you just bring one bottle of wine. Which you say complements the turkey, would it complement the spaghetti hoops that you would quite happily have instead.

So what wine goes well
with spaghetti hoops on toast?

I see your DH is a wine buff, but SIL is described as a food snob

Double standards, I hope SIL changes the cost and just doesn’t invite you at all as you’re not being very grateful or nice.

To be fair, OP has said she’d be happy to host but everyone would be eating spaghetti hoops.

I’d agree with the vanity project theory if the sister was insisting on spending a fortune on fancy food and then expecting everyone else to pay for it but she’s asking for £30 towards the costs from a family of four.

I can't imagine many people would be delighted with that offer.

I expect the sister's approach will remain the preferred option. Contribution or no contribution.

I don't think this is unreasonable as long as it is agreed in advance. We used to go to our friends & I always paid for the turkey (they chose where it came from & picked it up & I just transferred the money). I thought it was a great deal, they are great cooks & love to host & I don't. I would also take a bag of soft drinks & wine & I always helped clean up.

@DayOfSummer she hasn't offered to host, she said she would be happy for spaghetti hoops, but sister would have to provide those too (along with her house)

@OneTicketForChristmasDinner do you turn up late for Christmas dinner?

A bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheese board...jeez that's awful and you're being very prickly and defensive about it OP.

Nonsense. Asking to be paid for one's hospitality is beyond the pale.

She is not entitled to dictate the menu and the cost unless she is paying for it all herself.

If she wants others to share in the costs, they get a say in the plans. That's the way it works.

Whether X amount is reasonable or not is beside the point.

Read the room, OP - 82% have voted that you're being unreasonable to complain about the £30 charge! Isn't that evidence enough for you, on top of all the comments saying that of course you should contribute with cash if that's what the host has asked for? Stop arguing, be the bigger person and just cough up graciously, like everyone is advising you to do.

I think the replies would be much softer if you put all details in your post. What people are saying hosting is expensive and it’s not unusual for people to do money contributions rather than a dish.
It feels like your sister doesn’t want team work and only wants things how she wants and it annoys you. I completely get this as I have the same with my older sister. I don’t visit for Christmas, we live too far away but when we visit it is a bit annoying.
I think you need to decide what works better for you and what is more important. If it’s about the principle I would let it go. If you don’t like her choices and don’t enjoy Christmas dinner in her house it’s very different.

"But if you can't afford to host you shouldn't."
OP started a thread on MN because her DSis asked for a meagre £30 contribution to the cost of hosting the entire family for the day (as she has done, unreimbursed, for years). I imagine she'd have a touch of the vapours and need to lie down in a darkened room if her DSis cancelled Christmas at hers because she couldn't afford it.
These CFs are taking the piss and they know it (or, if they didn't, they do now).

She isn't being paid for her hospitality. That would be making a profit. She's asking family members to help offset a small amount of the cost of doing their family Christmas meal for them all.

She's not charging you. She's asking for everyone to contribute towards the cost of an expensive day. It's a joint effort, not one person's responsibility! If it was you paying out for food for everyone, you might think twice about funding it all yourself!

Don't be so tight!

If you are willing to stump up more for more food then why not just stump up the £30 cash instead ?

Sure everyone can stick to their principles if they want. But that would just end up in a miserable time for everyone and a massive row.

Be the bigger person. If you don't have a problem spending the £30 on food you shouldn't have a problem providing £30 cash instead.

This sounds more like a "vying for control" thing than an actual money issue.

Well I think it's a cheek to expect your family to cater year on year (because they have the most convenient house location) and to never have even offered to contribute to the cost.

A bottle of wine and a few crackers doesn't cut it.

I’m on the fence to be honest. We’ve hosted both sides of the family for the last few years (anything from 10-15 people) and we pretty much pay for everything other than telling everyone to bring their own drinks (we’ll get a couple of bottles of Prosecco/nosecco for Buck’s Fizz but anything more than that they bring their own). Even without providing drinks it costs us a fortune to provide Christmas lunch and usually a buffet teatime. We can afford it so we wouldn’t ask for anything and we probably wouldn’t offer to host if we couldn’t afford it. Depending on your sisters finances this might be the only way she continue to host…presuming it’s £30 for the family, that seems reasonable to me.

My friend was telling me yesterday that her in-laws are charging them £60 per person (including their 4 year old)…..now that’s completely unreasonable!

Then don't go.

Honestly. She's doing you all a brilliant favour: hosting and cooking lovely food because you've all decided she should host as she's 'central'. Those things cost money, a lot of money these days, especially nice food. The fact she hasn't been asking for financial help up until now should not have gone unnoticed and you all should have offered in the first place!

As does OP. She could offer to host next year to give her DSis a break, but I bet she won't. (And the rest of her family wouldn't be thrilled having spaghetti hoops on toast - with a "good" bottle of wine of course!)

My parents always hosted and never asked for anything but once all post uni - we divvied up the weeks food
Breakfasts supplied by joe
Alcohol by Joe, Dad and Jimmy
Meat Mum and Dad
Veggies poorest person
Cakes, mince pies etc - Anne and Mary
Chocolate -eveyrone had something to bring
Crisps,nuts, snacks - Joe

If you culd not get it you gave Mum the monies and she got it locally.
30 quid 10 yrs ago for 4 would be a bargain - now a days that is 2 bottles of wine and some soft drinks for 4

@CheeseIsMyIdol well the rest of the family expect the sister to be host, don't see any of them offering.

Wonder if OP would be happier if sister turns round as says either I host and you pay a contribution, or you host

Her cooking can’t be that fancy if she’s cooking turkey

@OneTicketForChristmasDinner if someone offered to host Christmas dinner for me and my family for £30 I'd bite their hand off! The food for a lavish Christmas lunch is really expensive these days and a great deal of work. Count your blessings!