to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

This is spot on, exactly why a straightforward £30 is easier for your sister, and so much easier for you. I'd happily pay £30 and have no work 😁

Maybe she doesn't want to "offer" her home as the venue. OP wrote "She does host every year but that’s only because she lives centrally to everyone so it makes sense." Maybe she feels she has no choice as the rest of the family find her home so convenient? And then she gets stuffed with all the expense year after year because OP and her family are a bunch of entitled CFs. I hope her DSis withdraws her "offer" to host next year - then OP can find out how much hosting Christmas costs.

It’s sickening that people except to rock up and eat without contributing anything. Hosting costs a fortune.

Surely a reverse?! Some crackers and a bottle of booze goes nowhere near the cost of a proper Christmas dinner/associated drinks/sides/table decorations/the time needed to shop/prepare the stupid amounts of veg/cook/tidy the house.

I’ve been invited to my cousin’s, she will be hosting at least 15 and I would send her £100 in advance, I know the table will be groaning, all from M&S. I wouldn’t eat more than a teaplate sized meal due to my surgery, wouldn’t touch cake/chocolates/booze etc (would be driving), but I can afford it and she’ll be running round like a blue arsed fly as the host, before and during.

As uncomfortable as cash requests can be, it is often more helpful and easier to do that rather than figuring out who can manage what. Sounds like your sister goes to a lot of trouble for you and works hard on hosting. 30 for a family with several kids sounds like a bargain!

I think £30 is more than reasonable and I would hand it over willingly. My sister hosts every year as her kids are small and her house is the biggest and she likes it. We bring food and wine contributions and I absolutely INSIST on contributing financially as it costs literal hundreds to host everyone for the day. It's not 'cold', it's practical, and I wouldn't think twice about not contributing!

Ask her could I come for dinner I’d happily pay £30 and would also take plenty of wine chocs etc . She’s the having all the stress of the shopping cooking and cleaning up after u all . I’d be biting her hand off and would be so grateful to her

She shouldn't have had to ask, you should have offered. In the region of £100-150 for a family of 4 would be a minimum amount to offer.

I can't believe that you're so tight as to turn up year after year with a meagre offering of one bottle of wine and some crackers!

You need to apologise to your DS for your rudeness. Why not offer to cover the whole cost of Christmas this year, as she has done every year up to now.

I do think you are being mean not contributing more. A case of wine would have been more appropriate. Not to drink on the day but as a way of saying thank you. Now, you've put your sister into an embarrassing situation by having to ask for a monetary contribution

Yeah this is the thing, it's more organisational load. Doesn't matter so much on most occasions, but with something like Christmas where people often have emotional attachment to traditional dishes, might not want to take the risk.

I'm surprised by a lot of these responses. I wouldn't dream of charging people when I host them. I would expect them to ask what they could contribute and I would give them specific directions - wine or dessert or a canape, etc. But if you can't afford to host you shouldn't.

So she normally feeds your whole family the biggest meal of the year, for wine and crackers. I'm amazed she still invites you.

Yes I agree. The OP and her family are a bunch of CFuckers. Big time.

£30 sounds like an absolute bargain to me. The rising cost of food can't have escaped your notice. Plus she's also the one putting in all the hard work and effort.
Take a few tins of hoops and a loaf of bread for you, your dh and kids to eat if you don't want to contribute the £30. Ridiculous, but if that's what you'd be happy with, just do that.

But she's not "asking for an admission payment", she's just asking people to chip in to help pay for everything. Which is perfectly reasonable. Your wine and crackers don't bring down the overall cost for her. Things are tight, food prices are through the roof. I think you're being unreasonable.

That is because you are decent. I was not even remotely thinking about decency in this scenario 'pay me to host you'. If only all people were like you, putting their hands in their pocket before being asked. But regrettably, people are not like that - it is me, me, me first - just look at the majority of MN posts, there is only one theme - my gf, bf, dss, dsd, dp, dparents, dstepparents, IL, etc. short-changed me, me, me.

That's what hosting IS. If one can't afford it, one should refrain. She could have everyone over for cocktails and finger foods, instead. Or just tea and sweets. Or not at all. She could suggest meeting in a restaurant. She could enlist people to bring various aspects of the meal so she doesn't have to source and do it all.

Instead this hostess wants to do it ALL her way, but have others foot the bill.

Not on.

Is it £30 each, or per family. How many of you are eating Christmas lunch in total?

I know my mum is worn ragged by doing Christmas. She has started some of the prep - like making Christmas pudding, already.

Its days of prep if she goes all out for it to be done properly - sourcing, ordering, going out to various places at various times to pick up all the ingredients. Day before prep, and probably up at the crack of dawn to make sure all timings etc are working.

Then there is the tidy up. Im hoping that you do all chip in and do that at least. Then the mid afternoon nibbles... its pretty ongoing doing the Christmas dinner, and so much more than just dinner.

But people who are asked to help pay for things are entitled to a say in what is being purchased. Sister doesn't get to decide on the shopping list and then expect others to pay for it.

If she wants to organize a "potluck" the other members of the group should have a role in deciding what is served.

I wouldn’t charge for Christmas dinner, but if you didn’t reciprocate by having us over at your expense and effort to even it out, then I’d stop doing it.

I’ve had to push back very hard over the years WRT expectations of presents and hosting of certain people.

Maybe she’s sick of only being the one with standards and having to pay for everyone else’s enjoyment.

FYI if I was going to someone’s for Christmas lunch and they told me not to bring anything, I’d take at least 2 bottles of wine, flowers and chocolates for the host.

Unless you live under a rock and never eat you know everything costs a fortune and that it isn’t fair to expect your sibling to financially subsidise your gourmet Xmas dinner. I also cannot fathom the whole giving money is some horrible bullshit but buying a load of cheese and wine and making a pudding no one has asked for is perfectly acceptable. Why not just help out the person doing the work instead of coming up with silly rules about what is an acceptable ask of you and your money? Or don’t go and suit yourselves.

Husband just ordered himself, me and our wee lad a meal each from McDonalds delivery (don't judge, I'm on a cycle and wanted to eat crap) 😆 🍔 🍟

Over 30 quid. 😨
Yep. 😭
I would cough up the 30 quid to your sister tbh. 👍
Or enjoy your spaghetti hoops 🤷‍♀️
@OneTicketForChristmasDinner

Yeah, I wouldn't want people to bring dishes. Much more faff than just cooking everything myself.

I will have spent about £1k by the time everyone has eaten and drunk (me dry). Yes we are a big family, yes I buy nice wine, but £30 is frankly not going to cover 1/2 a turkey!

Yabu. She's prepared to do it all - cook and clean up and have everyone in her house, and all she wants is £30.

How many adults go? Just how many mls of your one bottle of fancy wine does each person get? It's not really a great contribution to the day. If she won't let you make a course then, bring six bottles of wine and chocolates & flowers and a special present for the host.