to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

Well this op has made me just text my sister and offer to pay half.

They aren’t short of money but it seems unfair for one person to have the burden of shopping, cooking and hosting everyone.
Thanks for the reminder.

That's how it should be done. £30 for Christmas meal is a bargain. Yabu

Stay home then and she how much more it costs. Very reasonable to ask others to contribute towards food if she’s hosting as central location.

Best not to go then. Cook your own this year. The Turkey alone will be more than the £30. Good luck with the starter, sides, pudding, snacks and booze. You and your husband can drink the good bottle of wine between you while nibbling on the crackers regretting the fact that you’ve spent far more than the paltry £30 you’re objecting to. Happy Christmas.

That bit made me laugh too🤣

One bottle of wine isnt going to go far. Pay the £30 or offer to host yourself.

If we get together at Christmas it's always at my sister's. If she said "can I have a £30 contribution this year" I wouldn't hesitate to send over the money. Food is so expensive atm.

You’re a rather ungenerous guest to turn up with only a bottle of wine and some crackers. A real Scrooge.

If we get together at Christmas it's always at my sister's. If she said "can I have a £30 contribution this year" I wouldn't hesitate to send over the money. Food is so expensive atm.

We go out for our Christmas dinner and with myself, DH and our wee son, it costs £200 minimum.
YABU. 😨
@OneTicketForChristmasDinner

You should host a family gathering at another time of the year, eg BBQ.
Your kids will miss out if you go on like this, it can’t be all take or matter who earns more.

£30 each plus the wine, crackers, and a massive acknowledgement of her kindness and hard work sounds completely reasonable.

OP, if you're not allowed to bring a proper contribution then it's really easy just pay up.

The other side of the coin. I suspect £30 per family is barely covering the meat and one bottle of wine won't go far either. A cheeseboard will be the best part of £30 by itself. If you are a family of 4 and it's £30 a head, I can see why you would be a bit taken aback. She is probably committing all the cost now too as super market slots must all be available already

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5452814-aibu-to-refuse-to-host-christmas-again-after-what-my-family-said

I think you are having your backside handed to you on a plate. You might not be fussed about spaghetti hoops but your sister appears to be going to huge trouble and effort. If £30 is a stretch then you are quite within your rights to say that you will stay at home for lunch and pop over in the late afternoon to say Happy Christmas and exchange gifts.

If the host wants to choose the food, she pays.

If she wants a contribution, she has to put up with what others choose to bring.

She's trying to have it both ways.

£30 for the family is more than reasonable, especially as you say she prepares such fancy food

I'd gladly pay double that for someone else to do all the work so yes, YABVU indeed

I agree but can top this.

We went all out last year and - along with PIL - put together a huge banquet. Massive seafood platter to start (crab, prawns, smoked salmon etc) with salads, breads, sauces, a main of 3 different meats (turkey, beef and gammon) with all the accompaniments, homemade puddings and chocolates and wine, champagne, Port, Baileys etc...

BIL and his wife and kids turned up with..... Absolutely fuck all!!! Oh sorry, they brought some presents for their own kids to open so they didn't feel left out when others were opening their presents 😂

Genuinely.

They're not invited this year.

My sister hosts every Christmas Eve, initially because her house is more suitable for a crowd and I hosted our parents for the rest of the week, which seemed fair. Now there are no parents and she has little grandchildren so her house is still better for them going to sleep. She would never ask for money but I always take a fancy hamper that she can use over the Christmas period, a small “hosting” gift for her (we no longer exchange gifts for adults) and gifts for the little grandchildren.

Surely not just one bottle of wine, is that even enough for a glass each? Why not half a dozen bottles of this perfect wine or a bottle of champagne as well?

I wouldn’t charge and in the past have asked people to bring something. But tbh that’s more trouble sometimes. There are the endless questions, and I’ve been really specific, someone will bring something that someone else has bought, or not bought anything. They will bring too little or too much, bring it in Tupperware and I’ll need to find a dish. Then there was the couple who bought an uncooked gammon thinking I could pop it in the oven whilst we had pre dinner drinks! Then there were the still frozen prawns for starters. Nope, far easier to say give me £30.

Considering the cost of living crisis and the fact previous contributions have been a bottle of wine and crackers, I think your sister is well within her rights to ask for a contribution. But if offended, do your own!

There is a difference between hosting people who are invited by you and coming together as a family which happens to be in one person's house for [reasons]. Christmas is often the latter and in that case, it seems logical that the costs should not fall on one person or family.

The wine of crackers are neither here nor there and probably don't even make up for the time she puts in, let alone the costs she incurs.

Got to be a reverse….

It is icky and transactional, but it’s also a bargain so I think in this case I’d put up and shut up. Or if it really bothers you and they’re relatively local, just drop round in the afternoon.

Or, she doesn’t host and everyone stays at home.