Page 12 | to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 2025-12-01T15:26:14+00:00

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

TheAlertLimeSnail · 01/12/2025 16:55

She's not charging £30 for you to attend, she's requesting a £30 contribution for the food, which is more than reasonable.

It would be cheeky for her to ask for a contribution if she were hosting a dinner party, but being the one to host Christmas Day isn't the same IMO, especially if she's hosting every year.

Sounds like you've had a very good deal the last few years.

GasPanic · 01/12/2025 16:56

How far does the magic turkey matched bottle of wine and box of crackers go anyway ?

Surely we are talking at least 4 adults and maybe 4 kids. Maybe more likely 6 adults and 6 kids.

Sure it is not quite feeding the 5000 with a box of crackers and a bottle of wine but not far off, unless each person is just getting a munificent swig from the bottle and half a cracker.

I am guessing this might be a reverse.

nicepotoftea · 01/12/2025 16:56

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

Yes, times have changed and the cost of food has increased.

HanSB · 01/12/2025 16:56

I don't think you grasp how much it costs to host Christmas, both in time and effort. Why don't you ask her to send you a shopping list for some sides and see how much that runs you instead - it will definitely be more than £30!

It's a really poor show from you that you mock her and don't consider contributing more towards her hospitality.

AngelicKaty · 01/12/2025 16:57

CurlewKate · 01/12/2025 16:28

Anything else you don’t like about her, OP?🤣

IKR. The best OP could manage is "She’s lovely, but ...". Talk about damned by faint praise! I hope her DSis is on MN, sees this thread and uninvites the entitled lot of them.

zoemum2006 · 01/12/2025 16:58

YourOliveBalonz · 01/12/2025 16:49

That’s just the framing of it though, charging vs splitting costs.

Like you could say the OP is a CF for not paying a penny for a Christmas meal for her family in years, and expects this to continue indefinitely at the expense of an adult sibling.

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but it’s hosting though and you can’t charge to host. Maybe that’s just my Irish roots lol.

she could offer to host Christmas herself or take everyone out for Christmas dinner?

Ghostmartin · 01/12/2025 16:59

If you think it's a "charge" I think she should put together an invoice for you and do it properly:

Cost of food and booze
Cost of planning time
Cost of shopping time
Cost of prep and cooking time
Cost of gas/lecky
Cost of cleaning up

DonicaLewinsky · 01/12/2025 16:59

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 16:18

The wine and crackers are all we’ve been allowed to contribute. Like I said in an earlier post, I’m not even allowed to bring the cheese because she wants it just so. I don’t think it’s fair to keep bashing me for the crackers when I’ve tried to offer to bring a starter, dessert, cheese and it’s all been turned down. I’m happy to bring along more, it’s just the payment which feels wrong from family to me.

Try to think of it as giving her indirect cheese then.

She's NBU and you're being a bit precious. That being said, if giving her the cash rather than the equivalent value in food would bother you to the extent you'd prefer not to go, maybe just leave it.

VisitingInkMonitor · 01/12/2025 16:59

She should have made it clear when she invited you (or have you just assumed you are invited?) but your snippy comments about her are unnecessary. I’ve hosted 15 out of the last 18 years. I’ve never charged anyone but after my DB presented us with a £6 box of chocs and nothing else last year (that was our Christmas present) we are not hosting anyone ever again. The rib of beef for 11 cost £145 alone. I like to cook as does DH but I’m sure my family make crappy comments about us like you have about your sister. They won’t have to endure our hospitality again because we’re not doing it ever again. Don’t like it - stay at home and be happy with your spaghetti hoops on toast. A single bottle of wine and a box of crackers is tight fisted.

Shatteredallthetimelately · 01/12/2025 16:59

Differentforgirls · 01/12/2025 16:50

I’d cut my cloth by not inviting you.

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Exactly this...

But then this thread would probably be about how Dsis always does Christmas dinner but has cancelled the dinner this year because she's cut her cloth, and that cloth doesn't fit us all in so she won't provide the extended family with a dinner.

The Dsis would still be in the wrong.

SpaceAngel1999 · 01/12/2025 16:59

I always host my family. 11 of us. I always foot the bill but this is the first year I’m feeling the resentment. My sister will turn up with her partner and 2 kids and never bring anything at all. The food shop cost is in an average £160. A bottle of wine and crackers is a piss that tbh!

Oioiqueen · 01/12/2025 16:59

I've read all your posts. Your options are to pay it or do it yourself. Yes you miss seeing everyone else but you've got to decide whether you pay or not depending on your principles. She wants to go all out and that's how she hosts then that comes with her wanting to charge I'm afraid.

If you really want spaghetti on toast then have the main dinner at home and ask if you can go round in the evening and bring some things with you then.

SchrodingersKoala · 01/12/2025 17:00

She hosts every year and you bring a bottle and some Jacobs crackers 🤣 as your family of four's contribution. Bringing a dish only works if you live 10min away, we do this some years and even then it doesn't exactly go completely smoothly, the thing ends up reheated and not it's best. I can see why she is saying I am happy to do it but chip in for the cost, if you were rotating each year that would be different. Hosting christmas is ££££, she's told you what she'd like you to contribute, money instead of a dish. To be honest I'd prefer this to having the faff of preparing something and trying to transport it, it sounds like a vv good deal to me.

Littlejellyuk · 01/12/2025 17:00

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 16:18

The wine and crackers are all we’ve been allowed to contribute. Like I said in an earlier post, I’m not even allowed to bring the cheese because she wants it just so. I don’t think it’s fair to keep bashing me for the crackers when I’ve tried to offer to bring a starter, dessert, cheese and it’s all been turned down. I’m happy to bring along more, it’s just the payment which feels wrong from family to me.

I'm sorry OP but 30 quid to throw in towards a christmas dinner with all the trimmings for a family is beyond a bargain, and I would jump at that. 💯 👏 ❤️

Don't see it as hard cash, bear with me.... 😆

When me and the girls go on a (very rare) night out, we all decide on drinks that are similarly priced or agree on drinking the same wine /prosecco etc, and we all throw money into the 'kitty' purse, and buy rounds with it. 🥂
This is no different. You are just throwing in money to the christmas meal kitty purse 😉
It's a steal in my opinion 👏
Only 30 quid so that your DS can whip up a great meal and a nice memory for you children?
Sign me up! 😆

DayOfSummer · 01/12/2025 17:00

YABU just give your sister £30 and bring some wine and crackers. You’re still getting off lightly compared to your sister who is hosting the whole thing. I wish I had a family member willing to do that and I’d be offering to contribute financially without having to be asked! What a luxury to be hosted by someone who goes to so much effort.

Fibrous · 01/12/2025 17:00

I paid £150 toward's my sisters Christmas last year, as I was staying there for a couple of days. My brother did the same. Fortunately we're all on the same page regarding food - high welfare, organic, and lots of it, so we don't mind stumping up. It was delicious. If they were coming to mine, I'd also expect a financial contribution. It all gets very expensive very quickly and none of us are rolling in it.

Monty34 · 01/12/2025 17:00

Oriunda · 01/12/2025 16:50

It also sounds like OP isn’t that bothered about food, since she admits she’d be happy with spaghetti on toast. I imagine the sister wants to offer quality food, and would rather provide this herself, rather than risk OP bringing items that doesn’t meet her standards.

OP, can’t you just treat this £30 as your contribution towards the meat?

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And how would the OP know how much the meat will cost ? £100 or £50.

Starlight1984 · 01/12/2025 17:00

AlohaRose · 01/12/2025 16:20

If you're bringing enough (decent) wine for a whole family surely that's more than £30 anyway?

If only! OP says they bring ONE bottle of wine but her DH is a "wine buff" and it "pairs perfectly with the turkey"! Given that there are at least 6 adults involved here either everyone gets a thimble of this perfect wine or DH hides it and drinks it all himself.

This. The OP is making multiple excuses but if my offers of providing starters, desserts etc had been turned down, I would be taking at least 3 bottles of wine! And probably a bottle of Baileys, Port, Whisky for after dinner... One bottle of wine between 6 + adults?!

And I also don't see why you can't take a nice box of chocolates or biscuits?

WiltedLettuce · 01/12/2025 17:00

YABU.

Why don't you offer to host everyone and see how much change you get out of your £30?

GertieLawrence · 01/12/2025 17:01

OneTicketForChristmasDinner · 01/12/2025 15:57

DH is a bit of a wine buff and so the wine we bring isn’t cheapo plonk from the corner shop, it’s good stuff that pairs perfectly with the turkey dinner. I feel people are being unfair about our contributions, DS has a bit of main character syndrome when it comes to hosting, I’m not even trusted to bring the cheeseboard, I think she tolerates my crackers as you can’t go too far wrong there…

I’m sure her hosting is expensive but she takes it on herself to make such fancy food. No one is asking her to. I’d be happy with spaghetti hoops on toast for Christmas dinner as long as we were all together.

I admit I’ve not hosted Christmas since the sad covid years when it was just our little family unit. It seems times have changed and asking for admission payment to family homes is now perfectly acceptable. Her asking is completely out of the blue.

I think you should stay home with your spaghetti hoops and old wine buff can choose a lovely bottle to accompany them. Invite your mum if being together is what you like and chuckle together festively as she snarks at your cooking efforts.

Meanwhile your sister can prep dinner her way with a lot less expense and a lot less passive aggy undertones. And without trying to work out timings for you rocking up late.

Ghostmartin · 01/12/2025 17:02

I think you should stay home with your spaghetti hoops and old wine buff can choose a lovely bottle to accompany them.

😂

Littlejellyuk · 01/12/2025 17:02

SpaceAngel1999 · 01/12/2025 16:59

I always host my family. 11 of us. I always foot the bill but this is the first year I’m feeling the resentment. My sister will turn up with her partner and 2 kids and never bring anything at all. The food shop cost is in an average £160. A bottle of wine and crackers is a piss that tbh!

I would tell your sister its her turn to host. Stop the tradition of you doing it.
Let her have the stress and foot the bill 👏

Shinyandnew1 · 01/12/2025 17:03

It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard

Is that your £10 possibly £15 contribution to the whole meal?

Some people really take the piss.

Sassylovesbooks · 01/12/2025 17:05

My husband, son and I usually have my sister-in-law and my parents for Christmas Day. I don't ask for money. My sister-in-law will bring things like chocolates, biscuits etc over and my parents wine. I wouldn't ask people to dinner, if I couldn't afford to host. However, if one family is hosting, so that grandparents, siblings, cousins etc can all see each other, and there's a lot of people, then I can understand why it may be asked to contribute financially.

Teajenny7 · 01/12/2025 17:06

Why don't you invite everyone to yours this year?

Say that you appreciate all her hard work and expense and thought it would be good to give her a break from hosting.

By the way 'reasonable' supermarket cheeseboard for 10 people would cost more than £30. A heck of a lot more it you were to pair wine or beer for the cheese.