to think family charging for Christmas dinner is poor form?

[OneTicketForChristmasDinner]

My family are going for Christmas at my sister’s house and she’s just said she wants £30 for us to attend! It’s not like I show up empty handed, I always bring a bottle of wine and some crackers for the cheeseboard. It’s put a bad taste on my mouth and I’m tempted to tell her to sod the charge and we’ll spend Christmas at home, but then the children will miss out on Christmas with all their cousins and grandparents. IABU to think charging family for their Christmas dinner is wrong?

I'm sorry, but the day I have to parse the gas and electric bills to figure out how much hosting a dinner is costing me, is the day I shouldn't be hosting. That's just being stingy.

"pick their pockets"?! Heard it all now! That is literally a line from A Christmas Carol!

I wonder what the family's reaction would be if she said "Ok, I am not hosting this year as I cant afford it" if the other thread is anything to go by they would all be up in arms that they can't have their traditional family get together and that the sister is being selfish.

Frankly anyone who is angry at having to put their hand in their pocket for a measly £30 when everything is provided for them, then they have no place at the table in a season of Goodwill.

Yesterday there was a thread from an OP who was expected to host but noone wanted to contribute to the cost (and effort). She was happy not to, but the family was guilting her.

You provide all the food then if you think its unreasonable

Can they also take home all the leftovers if they do ?

Do you actually know how much a decent quality turkey costs these days?
TBH if your DSis puts good quality nosh on the table you are being a right tight arse...family or not.

Sounds like she puts in a lot of effort. I think to ask for £30 is perfectly reasonable tbh. I've hosted Christmas for big numbers before and it's wild how the cost escalates when you have to buy everything - even the goose fat costs £3 a jar and you'll need two of those for a large number of people.

I would pay the £30 graciously and thank her for being the host again. Surely it's more important to spend the time together.

Except you and your family rotate the hosting, which makes it fair as the cost is also rotated. OP happily admits she hasn't hosted since Covid and that her DSis "does host every year but that’s only because she lives centrally to everyone so it makes sense." Yeah, it makes sense to all the family who have to do sweet FA year after year, in terms of effort or cost, except to bring a box of crackers and a "good" bottle of wine. And they can't even be gracious about DSis' efforts, but "joke" about her behind her back. Nice - not.

She's not charging for admission. She's asking for a tiny contribution towards the enormous ingredients bill, plus all the drinks you drink that aren't your one bottle of £25 wine.

Hosting is a massive pain - the small upside is that you get to choose what to cook.

I wouldn't want a guest to bring lumpy bread sauce or cold overcooked veg that needs to be reheated either.

I think I read it too, and fair dos, she can't afford it, they expect it, bugger it, she just says 'not this time' - without a 'sorry', just 'not this time'. There are lots of things I would love to have done, but having calculated what it would cost I did not, but the last thing I expect is to ask somebody else to pay for what I want - like a destination wedding or a drinks at my wedding, just absurd.

The very fact that the OP's Dsis is asking for a monetary contribution towards the meal tells that she'd prefer a sensible offer of a contribution not a measly bottle of plonk.

If you offered to bring all the wine (including champagne to start, nice white and red options, plus maybe a port or similar for after dinner) that would be more financially equivalent to her outlay- a nice turkey is really expensive nowadays, let alone all the rest of it.

Wine and crackers? You couldn't even spring for a few ounces of cheese? If it is $30 per family, you should gratefully hand it over.

Totally agree with this.

Asking for cash is crass. If it's too much for her, she can stop hosting, or organize a sign-up process where people contributing get a say in what the menu will be, and what food/drink they are able to contribute.

She can't have it both ways.

That’s just the framing of it though, charging vs splitting costs.

Like you could say the OP is a CF for not paying a penny for a Christmas meal for her family in years, and expects this to continue indefinitely at the expense of an adult sibling.

I’d cut my cloth by not inviting you.

It also sounds like OP isn’t that bothered about food, since she admits she’d be happy with spaghetti on toast. I imagine the sister wants to offer quality food, and would rather provide this herself, rather than risk OP bringing items that doesn’t meet her standards.

OP, can’t you just treat this £30 as your contribution towards the meat?

I’m not disputing it’s expensive, what I can’t get my head around is why/how has it come to charging one’s own relative for a meal. Don’t you talk to your sister: I’m trying to contribute but you’re being weird, love. Kindly shove your £30 and act like a normal human being or you’ll spend your Christmases with the table napkins and the fairy lights.

I think £30 is reasonable. You would pay a lot more than that to eat out on Christmas day. Have a look at this thread and see what your opinion is if you were in OP's shoes

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5452814-aibu-to-refuse-to-host-christmas-again-after-what-my-family-said

I would agree when it comes to weddings and birthday parties but think Christmas is different. Families often all want to be together. In my family my parents always host as they have the space but it’s unfair if the cost is all on them. If people can afford it and want to take on the burden that’s great but that’s not reality for a lot of people. My parents don’t ask me for money but I give it to them anyway as I have awareness of how expensive life is.

This has got to be a joke.

it’s only convenient to YOU that she lives centrally, not her.

how many is she hosting?

a bottle of wine & box of crackers is cheeky as fuck. The crackers are even the cheap bit of the cheese board!

£30 is hardly busting the bank if you are taking 4x people along.

Maybe next year offer to host yourself and see how expensive it is hosting everyone.

If your sister insists on "doing" Christmas at her place how about agreeing to fund the entire cost for one year ?

Central for hosting making it sensible only works if you are the people being saved the hassle of travelling. It's not really very fair.

Sounds like you have other issues with her...

When my SIL hosts everyone for Christmas dinner (she has a big house unlike ours), there are 14+ people and we all happily chip in and split the costs per family. Last year we contributed £60 plus I made a proper trifle for the dessert/tea time.

Now don't forget the "good" bottle of wine "that pairs perfectly with the Turkey dinner". 🙄