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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just let 2 year old sleep in my bed?

103 replies

Tykia · 01/12/2025 12:38

We have 2, 9 & 13 year old and the 2 year old has always been a rubbish sleeper, he’s never slept through the night, constant wake ups ect and I didn’t do anything different with him compared to the older two.

Me and DH both work full time in fairly stressful jobs and I just need to sleep!

He used to go down in his cot really quickly but would only last a few hours then he would be up every hour or so just wanting a cuddle/to sleep on me (even if it was me holding him in his bedroom sat on the floor). The last couple of weeks he seems absolutely traumatised even entering his bedroom.

We have tried the CIO method and it just didn’t work, I think it made him scared of his bedroom tbh, and it just didn’t feel like that is the right approach for him.

As a last resort last night I put him in my bed with a baby monitor on (i went up to bed around 2 hours after him) and he slept for 11 hours STRAIGHT!!!

is it stupid to just let him sleep with us so we all actually get a decent nights sleep? Or am I truthfully just setting ourselves up for disaster further down the line?

Any advice would be massively appreciated.

OP posts:
CocoPlum · 01/12/2025 12:40

I coslept with one of mine for years as it was just much easier than trying to get him to sleep alone. It didn't bother us so we just carried on. Do what works until it stops working then reevaluate!

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/12/2025 12:42

Why would it be stupid? It’s the norm for our species to sleep together, it’s really a very odd modern western idea that babies (and 2 is still a baby) should sleep alone in other rooms. His behaviour is letting you know what he needs - you, and comfort and the safety of being close. Do whatever gets everyone the most sleep and don’t worry about it.

SJM1988 · 01/12/2025 12:45

I 100% believe in doing what works before for everyone involved.
I've had 2 bad sleepers (Now 8 and 4). My first we stuck it out and barely let him in our bed. It was awful for months, years on end of not sleeping great. He didn't sleep through until nearly school age. With my second I decided to just let her sleep in our bed when needed. We had a few months of every night but 90% of the time now, she sleeps in her room. She settles quicker than her older brother. I always start in her room going to bed but if she comes in I just leave her to sleep with one of us and the other parent decants to her bed if needed. It's saved alot of nights not sleeping for me.

ACatNamedRobin · 01/12/2025 12:45

People say oh they won't be in your bed forever...
Have a look on this site at the posts saying 5/6/7/11 year olds (yes 11 yo!) that still sleep with the mothers, and the mothers' desperate posts.
This is only in the most recent years, as the consequences of co-sleeping adoption by everyone. (Unlike the majority of our parents generation,)
They may be the exception but they are increasing.

Nothankyov · 01/12/2025 12:46

No it’s not stupid at all. You all need rest and if it’s the only way to get it just do it! I have 3 kids and my girl always wanted to sleep with us. Was told over and over again not to do that, that she would get used to it and that I would never get her out of our bed. I caved and let her sleep with us when she needed it. Fast forward to today (she is 11), she takes herself to bed and generally by the time I go up to say goodnight and tuck her in she’s fast asleep in her bed. Just do what works for you

DarkPassenger1 · 01/12/2025 12:48

Short term gain, longterm pain.

I would do everything in your power to get proper advice on sleep training before you go down this route.

Nothankyov · 01/12/2025 12:50

Also to add all my kids know that if they are scared or have a nightmare they can come in our room and sleep with us! It works for us, they don’t do it all the time so we still have alone time but it’s nice that they know they are welcome in our bed if they need to. The only rule is they start off in their bed. Never had any issues with either of my kids, so it’s worked for us!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/12/2025 13:00

If he’s scared of his room I’d work on that first, maybe let him choose a new blanket and night light etc to make his room cosy and exciting to him again. But other than that I’d let him sleep in your room, I know it’s not popular but it works for some and it doesn’t last forever. I always used to let DS in my bed to sleep as I needed to survive at work. Over the years he grew out of it, he’s 11 now and my bed is not a cool place to be. It’s not like your child will still be sharing a bed with you as a teenager

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/12/2025 13:13

ACatNamedRobin · 01/12/2025 12:45

People say oh they won't be in your bed forever...
Have a look on this site at the posts saying 5/6/7/11 year olds (yes 11 yo!) that still sleep with the mothers, and the mothers' desperate posts.
This is only in the most recent years, as the consequences of co-sleeping adoption by everyone. (Unlike the majority of our parents generation,)
They may be the exception but they are increasing.

And are also still the norm around the world. In India for example the average age children sleep with parents until is 8. It’s only a problem because we’ve made it one, our society is obsessed with children being ‘independent’

Meadowfinch · 01/12/2025 13:16

I shared with mine until he was three. Then he moved gradually to his own room and was in his own bed full time by the time he went to school at 4.

At least we both got more sleep.

Jellycatspyjamas · 01/12/2025 13:18

Whatever gets everyone the most sleep - he won’t still be there when he’s grown.

W0tnow · 01/12/2025 13:19

If I had my time again I’d get a king sized bed.

Honestly, I’m assuming he is your last child? You’re not going to end up with multiple children in bed with you (as I did). There’s a small risk that you’ll be struggling to get him into his own bed at 8 years old, but I’d risk that. Go for it.

Original poster
Tykia · 01/12/2025 19:46

Thank you so much for everyone’s replies, it’s really good to get different perspectives on it. I don’t have much family and my friends kids are all the same ages as our eldest and it seems like a world away from when they were all toddlers.

I completely understand the opinions on it ‘creating a rod for your own back’ in the future and it’s funny because if someone asked me before DS3 was born if I’d let the other two come in with us I’d say absolutely not!! But I genuinely never thought i would have such a sh*t sleeper 😂 if he managed to sleep 11 hours last night it’s obvious he just feels content sleeping with us.

He’s currently fast asleep in my bed (baby monitor on, fully baby proofed) whilst me and DH are watching a series downstairs and we all definitely feel much calmer.

Thank you again for everyone’s replies and putting my mind massively at ease.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tykia · 01/12/2025 19:49

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/12/2025 13:00

If he’s scared of his room I’d work on that first, maybe let him choose a new blanket and night light etc to make his room cosy and exciting to him again. But other than that I’d let him sleep in your room, I know it’s not popular but it works for some and it doesn’t last forever. I always used to let DS in my bed to sleep as I needed to survive at work. Over the years he grew out of it, he’s 11 now and my bed is not a cool place to be. It’s not like your child will still be sharing a bed with you as a teenager

We actually re decorated his room and bought him a toddler bed - he seemed really excited and was asking to play in his room and we thought we had a little break through!! But unfortunately didn’t make a difference at bed time. He’s a stubborn little thing!

OP posts:
Calendulaaria · 01/12/2025 19:52

My son wanted to sleep in my bed for years. I let him and he went into his own bed quite happily then. My daughter never wanted to and she was happy in her own bed. All children are different. I think whatever gets everyone the most sleep in the early years is the go.

TadpolesInPool · 01/12/2025 19:54

I regret not co sleeping with my eldest. Literally the only person who suffered was me, getting up multiple times a night for YEARS.

Co slept with my youngest until he was 3 (DH slept in his single bed in with DS1). So much better getting some sleep!

DS2 is now 11 and has SN and a lot of anxiety/school refusal etc. He needs me with him to go to sleep however he refuses point blank to sleep in my bed anymore!

Original poster
Tykia · 01/12/2025 20:06

TadpolesInPool · 01/12/2025 19:54

I regret not co sleeping with my eldest. Literally the only person who suffered was me, getting up multiple times a night for YEARS.

Co slept with my youngest until he was 3 (DH slept in his single bed in with DS1). So much better getting some sleep!

DS2 is now 11 and has SN and a lot of anxiety/school refusal etc. He needs me with him to go to sleep however he refuses point blank to sleep in my bed anymore!

When you say you regret it I completely understand why as I think I would end up doing too. I was so exhausted last night and I just thought to myself ‘is it even worth keeping trying to get him into a sleep routine?’ I’m knackered!! Then I started feeling guilty thinking I was giving up on him by letting him sleep with us. It’s weird how mum guilt works.

I’ve realised it’s clearly a lot more common than I thought!! And I’m not so hard done by after all! 😂

OP posts:
Stardogchampion · 01/12/2025 20:12

I co-slept with my eldest until around 3, still co-sleeping with DS2 at 2.5 (while DH in the other room with DS1). No regrets, I find it much easier as otherwise I'd be having to go through to the other room at night for wake-ups, it's not forever and this gets me more sleep!

BaronessBomburst · 01/12/2025 20:13

Meh, I co-slept with the cat so it seemed a bit ridiculous to banish my son.

timenotime · 01/12/2025 20:16

I did this and never regretted it. In fact I loved the closeness that sharing a bed brought. I didn’t share with an adult though, so didn’t have issues of lack of space etc.

Jk987 · 01/12/2025 20:21

No it’s not stupid. It’s no one else’s business.
Why do people think it’s a problem?

lolly427 · 01/12/2025 20:21

I co slept, ds went fine in his own bed at 3 or 4. I loved being allowed to sleep in my parents bed when I didn't feel well, I wish I'd been allowed to sleep in there more.

user22765423 · 01/12/2025 20:22

I think you have to take your cues from your child and the moment you're in. I have three, and child 1 and 3 were amazing sleepers. Child 2, nightmare. Life got much easier for all of us when we let him sleep with us. And funnily, we had much more time as a couple because before that one of us was inevitably spending the whole evening trying to get him to sleep. He was happy to go to his own bed by the time he was four. He's university aged now and could sleep for England 😂

EchoedSilence · 01/12/2025 20:24

What ever gets everyone the most sleep.All of mine slept with me at some point. All stopped when they were ready.

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