To just let 2 year old sleep in my bed?

[Tykia]

We have 2, 9 & 13 year old and the 2 year old has always been a rubbish sleeper, he’s never slept through the night, constant wake ups ect and I didn’t do anything different with him compared to the older two.

Me and DH both work full time in fairly stressful jobs and I just need to sleep!

He used to go down in his cot really quickly but would only last a few hours then he would be up every hour or so just wanting a cuddle/to sleep on me (even if it was me holding him in his bedroom sat on the floor). The last couple of weeks he seems absolutely traumatised even entering his bedroom.

We have tried the CIO method and it just didn’t work, I think it made him scared of his bedroom tbh, and it just didn’t feel like that is the right approach for him.

As a last resort last night I put him in my bed with a baby monitor on (i went up to bed around 2 hours after him) and he slept for 11 hours STRAIGHT!!!

is it stupid to just let him sleep with us so we all actually get a decent nights sleep? Or am I truthfully just setting ourselves up for disaster further down the line?

Any advice would be massively appreciated.

I completely understand your view on it but how would you actually get a child to sleep alone if they refuse? I’m not talking about leaving them winging, crying for 15 mins. I’m talking about screaming, throwing up then absolutely terrified to step foot through their bedroom door.

we have two other kids, a commute to work and long days like many people do, but doing it on broken sleep makes it that much harder.

I have a 3 year old and a 21 month old in my bed still 😆

I co-slept with my youngest until he was 14. We had our own duvets by the time he was 8 as I am willing to share my bed but not all but 3 inches of covers!

You have the best conversations when tucked up together. Don’t regret a minute of it!

Oh, should add that before I did it I would definitely have found it weird to co-sleep for so long but once living it it felt like a natural and good choice for us.

DS is 18 now and a well adjusted adult!

Oh heavens do it. Whole family will be better if everyone sleeps well. My 10 year old occasionally will sneak out of his room and into our bed when we are downstairs. I just love that he thinks the safest place in the world is our bed.

I literally cannot function with no sleep. I feel sick and jet-lagged, bad tempered and unable to plan and execute even menial tasks. After 6 weeks when DS, previously unconscious the majority of time from 8 weeks to 3, would not sleep in his bed his nursery worker told me in no uncertain terms to do whatever it took to sleep. So, DS slept in my bed with DH and I spelt in DS’s single bed. Life improved in days. It lasted only a few months. It was the best decision ever.

Mine is only a year but I drove myself to distraction trying to get her to sleep in her own space when she was small. It was torture for everyone and she never got better. She's sleeping in the bed beside me now, as at least that way we both get some sleep...

I really don't know the right answer, but I think if you can get a decent chunk of sleep yourself with him in your bed, I'd let him sleep in the bed.

CIO isn't a method. No wonder he doesn't want to go into his room

Sleep is king, co sleeping feels safe for kids. People are weird about not sharing a bed with their partner but expect little kids to sleep alone.

Absolutely go for it, DD3 used to go to sleep in my bed, she stopped gradually by about 5 or 6. DD4 is 5 and will still sleep in my bed when my husband is away with work. She'll stop eventually like her sister did.

I’m amazed you made it 2 years with that kind of broken sleep! I started co-sleeping with my 2.5 year old when she was around 9 months as she just wouldn’t sleep in her cot. She’s always needed lots of comfort and cuddles during the night. I hope she’ll grow out of it eventually but I love co-sleeping at the moment.

I sleep with my dd(6)

She has autism and i just needed sleep - no regrets tbh although I would one day like my bed back

Is he your last? I would, even as a temporary measure

Or could you put a bed in your room for him? xx

We co-slept with both of ours for years each from the start. Big gap, neither comes near our bed now. Miss those little cuddles.

Not read everyone’s replies but I don’t think it’s a bad idea. I have a 2.5 year old terrible sleeper, what we tend to do is put him down in his room the grab him out and in with me on first wake. Partner goes in spare room. Honestly we have had more than two years of sleep deprivation and it’s done terrible things to us so right now I do what I can to get the sleep. I’d have him in with us from the start of the night if it wasn’t for the fact my eldest would then want to do the same.

I love sleeping with my babies. They’re little for such a short time really. And yes, age 2 is super little still. My youngest is almost 2 and he needs me there to sleep well. Recently have been putting them to bed in their own room but they can come back in with us whenever they want/need to.

Your youngest is telling you he needs your physical presence to feel safe enough to sleep. Once everyone is more rested you can look to make gentle changes when you’re ready.

Check out Lyndsey Hookway for gentle holistic sleep advice. She always discusses things in a very nuanced way which I appreciate as what works well for one person doesn’t work at all for another. She has lots of ideas around transitioning away from cosleeping when you’re ready.

When our eldest was about 12, he went through a phase of being scared and we put a single bed next to my side of the bed and next to his brother who is much younger than him, then me and then DH. After about 3 months he moved back to his room. Never to return again.
Eldest is now 17 and huge, no little cuddles anymore or until grandkids may grace our presence, they are only little very briefly. Youngest will be double figures next year.

We co slept with ours. They now are in their own beds but we are trapped in the room still so still somewhat co sleeping. Its hard, but sleep is way too important.

Of course let him sleep with you, it's a no brainer. He's scared and needs you and you need to sleep so it's perfect all round.

My kids both have double beds. We're lucky to have the space for that. If they need me next to them to go to sleep, at least I can lie down in comfort. And then I retreat to my own space when they're settled.

We co-slept with our autistic son until he was around 7.

On nights where he just wouldn’t settle - straight in with us.

Otherwise we’d usually do 1 or 2 wake ups and then after that, give up and just move him.

Like you we have full time jobs, and he had school. Everyone needed some rest, because the lack of sleep was absolutely unreal.

People worry about not sharing a bed with their partner, there’s nothing worse for a relationship than years of sleep deprivation.

He’s 9 now, and does still wake up most nights. But he can self settle (with a light on), and on a morning will watch a film or something in bed before we are dragged out of bed. He’s actually started trying to put himself to bed, which is going to be strange when it happens.

But if you’d have asked me 2 years ago, I’d have thought we’d be cosleeping or crawling across the landing when he was 17.

Do what you can to survive, just get him to sleep wherever he can for now.

We sleep in a super king bed with an almost four year old and an 18 month old. It seems normal to us. I have five children and slept with them all for at least two years. It’s brilliant for getting the rest you need and also raising well rounded secure children. Our preschooler has in the last week or two said that he is ready for his ‘big boy bed’. It’s currently set up ready to go next to our bed and he sleeps in it now about 50% of the time.
Other cultures sleep together for at least five or six years. It hasn’t impacted mine and DH’s relationship at all, he loves it. We still have a very full sex life (in the spare room) and feel very close and loving with our family.

Doesn’t sound like he’s stubborn, just that he has needs at bedtime that are best met at the moment by co-sleeping . I had one child who just needed way more contact at night time. I actually feel sick at the extent to which we tried to ‘sleep train’ him. It worked for my older child so why not for the younger? Answer: he is a different child with different needs. I wish I myself had stopped being so stubborn (!) and seen my child’s needs for what they were, namely a need for physical contact that my elder child just didn’t have in the same way

This might sound random, but have you ever slept in his room?

I relented after serious sleep deprivation and let my then 3yo into my bed. We all slept much better.

As she didn't even need me in my bed to go to sleep I put a bed in her room. First night I woke up three times. Second night four. Had no idea that her room was actually subject to a few weird noises from lorries parking up nearby at various different points of the night. Took me a bit to work out what the noises were and I realised that dd was probably woken, and spooked by them.

Left her in my room (surreptitiously swapped my king size bed for a double when she was out one day) and set up my room in hers. I quickly got used to the noises, she loved my room and we all slept much better.

Thank you for this. You’re completely right, I keep comparing him to his brothers, and he’s a completely different child.

My first baby was the same, in desperation i coslept and she slept like a dream. I had 2 other babies quick quickly afterward and we coslept with them all. My husband would sleep with one, i would another and by the time the yougest came - the oldest was sleeping in their own bed.

I didnt make a rod for my back - they all turned into great sleepers and very independant kids.

I miss it now, i would love to snugge with them again. However, they are teenagers now who dont like to be touched.

My just turned 2yo cosleeps with us because otherwise he won’t sleep! He has always been high needs and hated separation.