To just let 2 year old sleep in my bed?

[Tykia]

We have 2, 9 & 13 year old and the 2 year old has always been a rubbish sleeper, he’s never slept through the night, constant wake ups ect and I didn’t do anything different with him compared to the older two.

Me and DH both work full time in fairly stressful jobs and I just need to sleep!

He used to go down in his cot really quickly but would only last a few hours then he would be up every hour or so just wanting a cuddle/to sleep on me (even if it was me holding him in his bedroom sat on the floor). The last couple of weeks he seems absolutely traumatised even entering his bedroom.

We have tried the CIO method and it just didn’t work, I think it made him scared of his bedroom tbh, and it just didn’t feel like that is the right approach for him.

As a last resort last night I put him in my bed with a baby monitor on (i went up to bed around 2 hours after him) and he slept for 11 hours STRAIGHT!!!

is it stupid to just let him sleep with us so we all actually get a decent nights sleep? Or am I truthfully just setting ourselves up for disaster further down the line?

Any advice would be massively appreciated.

Why are you horrified that an 11 year old might be happier sharing a bed with a loved one? Do you sleep alone @ACatNamedRobin? Or are you cosy with your spouse at night?

Stop fearmongering. All children become independent, and sharing sleep is biologically normal for humans.

I tried so hard to sleep train and put my son in his own room and bed and he was fab until he was about 4 and then wanted to keep getting in with me in the night. I fought it for a while but now I just let him sleep in my bed. We both sleep better and enjoy the warmth and company. I wish I’d done it from an earlier age. He is 7 now and whilst still sleeps with me, he is wanting more privacy when changing and showering so I think the end of it will be coming.

Humans were not made to sleep apart so do what works for you and your family.

Just snuggle up with your little one. My velcro baby that I couldn't leave alone for a second has just driven home after watching a film with friends aged 18. She still remembers being a tiny tot and she still needs Mum

Sounds very joyless (apart from the laptop bit). We are mammals and mammals sleep with their young!

I wouldnt do it myself. I would have the cot the 2 year old sleeps in next to the bed though.

We usually did, until the kicking or shifting about got too much.

Do what you need to do to survive. They won’t be little forever.

my 10 year old daughter is going through a phase of wanting to sleep with us - she’s all arms and legs and I really love being walloped in the face whilst I’m sleeping by flailing arms (HA) but closeness to us seems to be what she needs some nights so I’m not stopping her. OP, if it means you all sleep, then do it.

Split from husband almost 2 years ago should never have married him he is a narcissist bully made home life terrible... we have 3 dC boy 14 autistic girl 12 and girl 11 since ex husband had left my house its a massive breath of fresh air... I did have police involved and he did go prison for stalking harassment and assault on myself anyway back to my point both my girls co sleep with me if I fall asleep on age sofa I wake up and they are next to me. I dont mind at all

We’ve co slept with all of my 3, until they were 4/5 years old and decided to go into their own rooms (my 5 year old is currently snoring next to me).

We are both really lazy and they sleep through the night. We’ve never had to get up and down with a child in the night or battle bedtimes.

I can confirm they definitely won't be with you forever. It's lovely, it's cosy, it improves your bond and most importantly you all get to sleep.
I remember co-sleeping with my parents and my kids all did with me. They grow out of it when they're ready. The 'rod for your own back' stuff is rubbish.

I co-slept with all of my DC from being babies. All of them left my bed naturally by 4 max. As babies I would put them directly in my bed, from about 2 I would put them in their own but they’d inevitably end up in mine during the night. My youngest is 5 and he still gets in my bed in the middle of the night.

It represents safety for them and they’re only small once. It just seems worth it for everyone really, you all get solid sleep which is vital and he feels secure.

I’ve never understood the rod for your own back thing.

I’ve seen friends run themselves ragged with babies and small children who won’t sleep more than a couple of hours, exhausting themselves being up and down in the night, two/three hour long bedtimes where they have to return children to bed constantly, beating themselves up if the sleep routine is disrupted, tying themselves in knots over CIO etc.

Now, that’s a “rod” for me. I couldn’t be arsed with that. For what? A few hours of broken sleep on my own in bed. I’ve never had to get out of bed from day one and everyone has slept.

Erm our 2 year old twins were in single beds from 15months and never looked back, there now nearly 4 did exactly same with the rest of the tribe. None liked cots at all

Starting a post with “Erm”
does not convey wisdom as much as you may like to think.

Every poster on here that has dealt with a non-sleeper has obviously attempted that path.

The OP is looking for guidance for when this path of parental luck, and it is often luck, fails.

OP I am happy to report that DS, now 19 and 6’5” does not display any inclination to co-sleep except with his GF. Which is an entirely different thread.

I asked my mum as DGM is very deaf. There were 8 of them in a 3 bed house. The kids co-slept with siblings. It’s a different world, but still really the same.

I cosleep with my 3 year old. I also coslept in my parents bed until I was 10. My memories are of feeling loved and safe and remembering being snuggled up with my parents still makes me feel loved and safe decades later.

dont sweat it. He loves you and you love him

People will tell you that you'll end up co sleeping forever but that doesn't have to be the case. I have 4 and 3 slept with me until they were were about 4. They all sleep in their own beds now no problems. Sleep was the priority in those "trenches" years frankly.

My 6 yo has her own double and we take it in turn to sleep with her. If she only had room for a single, she'd almost certainly be in our bed.

Almost everyone I know with small children sleeps with them to some extent. I think it's very much the norm and I haven't yet heard anyone voice any regrets about it. I certainly don't mind sleeping with my child - quite the opposite.

I coslept with mine until the age of 2, then put them in their own floor beds at the start of the night and they'd come in with me at some point in the night. I knew over time it would tail off and it has. Enjoy the snuggles while they are little.

DGM IS DEAD, not deaf

Do what ever works for you my 4 I had a cot mattress on the floor next to our bed when they got up in the night they just came in and went straight to sleep. I never tried to take any of them back to their beds I wouldnt have got any sleep. They all grow out if it eventually.in

I co slept with my parents as well, and I have the same memories.

Thats why there was never any other way for me than to co sleep from birth. It’s all I knew as a child and I remember the feeling of security I had having my mum and dad there.

Dh had the opposite. He and his siblings were shut in their rooms from 7pm - 7am and were not allowed out regardless of what happened. Nightmares, feeling sick. They had to stay in their rooms. I know that’s extreme, but I already had a ds when he met me (who was 7 then and in his own room for about 18 months at that point), and when I said I’d co slept with him, he thought it was wonderful and said that’s what he would like to do if we had our own children.

Why is that stupid? It's the norm globally for families to bed share, it's only in the west that it has become a massive taboo. Do what you need to get the most sleep. For us, it's worked better to have a floor bed in our toddler's room, and one of us will sleep with her there for the second half of the night, depending when she wakes.

What a stupid post - you know cots are a recent invention and cosleeping is the norm for the majority of the world and in history? it's the consequences of cry-it-out sleep training that we should be far more worried about, it literally damages a baby's brain.