Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Around 4 years ago my 5 year old DS ( who has since been diagnosed with dyspraxia ) fell into a little girl at school and they banged heads. It was witnessed by a teacher. I received awful messages on Facebook off the girls mum, saying my son had given her daughter brain damage and that she would see me the next day.

I wasn't friends with her on Facebook so I didn't see the messages. She attacked me at school with her friend and both of their partners in tow and even when school told them directly that they witnessed it and it was an accident the crazy mum and her friend would not stop with the lies. They harassed me for over 18 months and only stopped when I made friends with a group of women. The daughter didn't have brain damage and didn't go to hospital or anything

I actually posted about it on here at the time as it was so traumatising. I was anorexic at the time and weighed 6 stone and these two women were both 16 and 18 stone and a lot taller than me.

I'm still traumatised from it now, I fled DV and I had their boyfriends screaming in my face it was horrific

I did report it to the police but as it was 4 versions against my truth the police couldn't do anything

I totally agree. This message that OP has attached was the first of several that this woman sent (OP said she kept up this abuse "for a solid hour") and I think OP's reply of "Excuse me? Neither of my children has nits. Are you OK?" was very calm and measured in response to such a foul-mouthed, ignorant rant and not at all sarcastic. Hopefully, the other mother has had time to reflect and is feeling rather shame-faced by now - she certainly should do.

The OP could get into trouble for sharing the language.

And calling the other mother 'a nutcase' isn't?

Erm, no??
Fucking hell 😂

In trouble with who? The teachers won’t have fuck all to do with the class WhatsApp group. And sounds like in any case the school are very passive about this sort of thing!

She’s an unhinged, abusive nutter.

Nutcase is mild. I’d personally go with foul mouthed, rough as a badger’s arse, bully. Hate to think how she parents her kids and what she’s teaching them.

more likely, she will bring a massive eyeroll from the majority of parents, who will put the bully and the "victim" in the same bag and think they are both drama queens

As unfair as it might sound, it's always the case. Complaining about a specific person on a whatsapp group never brings you any sympathy

What an absolute nut job. I don’t think it’s mental illness, I think she just sounds mouthy and rough as old boots. I can just imagine the sort of person she is and the family she comes from. I would be very tempted to share the message on the school WhatsApp group. The school sound like they are being a bit useless, really they should be taking a little more seriously and sending out a memo to all parents, reminding them bullying and threatening behaviour from anyone in the school community inside or outside of school is unacceptable and won’t be tolerated. Perhaps also they should include some info re nits from nhs website, explaining nothing to do with dirty hair for any thickos like this nut job who don’t understand this already. Also I don’t see the issue if it does come up with cafcas, what will show, you received a threatening message and reported it accordingly? So what?

I’d ask her if she’d been drinking, and that she should seek the support of AA. And if I see her drunk at school like this I’ll be calling the police.

I certainly wouldn’t share it on the WhatsApp nothing good will come of it.

Bat shits friends will all back her. The nice parents will want no part of it and will avoid bat shit and the op.

Op has enough on her plate without a reportable spat with bat shit.

I’ve never come across somebody that stupid that they can’t spell ‘fucking’ before. Take some solace in that.

I’d be showing everyone that.

I’d probably have said something like:
I’m sorry to hear your DD has headlice, I can only imagine that must be very stressful. I religiously use the Vosene shampoo and spray, neither of my kids have ever had nits. Not sure if wrong person or school spreading rumours. Highly recommend you use it. I do highly appreciate your DD keeping away from mine though, better safe than sorry and would be just my luck she’d get nits for the first time. I imagine it’s quite gross!
I’ve passed your message onto school too - how awful and strange for them to start rumours like this, massive safegaurding failure. Hope her nit problem is sorted soon. Good luck!

Headline are really common. I was lucky as one of mine never got them, and the other had them twice, she reacts badly to them, immediately very itchy and red, so I checked for them when she had very few newly hatched lice and it didn’t take long to get rid of them. There was one child in her class who always had them, visible crawlers, so that was a bit annoying as the parents were clearly not dealing with it properly, but otherwise they are easy to pick up. My teacher friend has caught them loads of times. They are just one of those irritating things to deal with when you have children. The messages are appalling OP, was she drunk ?

People really are forgetting how to behave aren’t they? They’ve grown up on social media, have watched as it’s become increasingly aggressive, and now don’t know that this behaviour is unacceptable. Online and ‘irl’ are the same thing to the less intelligent. It used to present as people talking about soap characters as if they were real people: now it’s evolved into this. I have no idea what to advise in this situation OP other than to not respond. If this had happened twenty years ago when my child was at school the parent in question would’ve been reported (she sounds unstable and in need of help) but the help is no longer there is it?

Well no because 'I guess' is basically the same as 'I think'. It's not an abbreviation of I'd guess/think'. It means you're doing it now. 'I'd think' means 'I would or will think' it but I don't currently.

So there's nothing wrong with 'I guess'. Like 'I guess the answer is...'

I'd struggle to let this go. The woman isn't just wrongly accusing you of spreading nits, but she is harassing you, threatening you, and spewing abuse for an hour.

Given just how unhinged she is, I would honestly worry about her doing something directly to my children. You therefore did the right thing by telling the school so that at the very least they are aware.

How did this woman get your number? At the very least, I would tell her that if she ever harassed you or your children again, you would be contacting the police and showing them this chain of texts.

I'm sorry. How terribly stressful for you!

some People have always spoken like this I remember some people had mums like this when I was a kid. Also every school has that one family whose children have permanent lice the parents refuse to treat. The frustration is understandable. Calling the children dumb and dirty is vile though.

I’d also do this.

This needs to be reported to the police and the school. Avoid her.

Not unusual for kids to spread rumours about who has nits when they are going round, especially blaming children who are otherwise targeted by bullies regardless of whether it’s true. My guess is child told her Mum yours has nits and being the reasonable, intelligent person she is she took her child’s word at face value.

I think your reply was perfect btw.

So what? If you had sent that text, would you seriously expect the reciever to consider your preferences? And how exactly would she be better of saying nothing?

I would definitely refer to the school because:

1. she says the school told her your child spread the nits, and;
2. if she is having a breakdown, there’s a potential safeguarding issue for her children.

Let the Head know, then avoid her like the plague!