Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Bloody hell. Nits are the bane of mine and every other year 3 parent’s lives since our kids started school in reception. It’s relentless. Particularly girls who basically seem to sit with their heads touching.

Don’t love the word chav but I agree with you.

it’s actually annoying me reading so many people say she’s clearly unwell etc. Being angry and rude doesn’t mean you’re mentally ill. Maybe you’re just a dick. Or in some cases people have every right to be angry. Puts me
in mind of people calling women ‘crazy’ or ‘psycho’ for expressing any emotion.

I do think this woman was completely out of line but I don’t think we can always read into angry or aggressive behaviour as a mental health issue.

I'd be sharing those messages with a lot of the other school mums too, so that there is no doubt who the unhinged one is.

I hope she sees this! Awful human. I would expose her vile outburst.

Just calmly tell her it was not your child that brought nits into the school and that the school will confirm that. Is she a germ/cleanliness/creepy things phobic?

@letmeeatcrisps Also, to add, she says in her foul message that she's been told by the school that your DC have had nits a few times before - you should absolutely be asking the school for an explanation about this, particularly when it's not true. In fact, this could be the approach to take in your email to the school as either one of their staff is lying about your DC or this woman is (obviously, it's the woman and the school will be keen to deny any such breach of privacy on their part. 😉 ).

Wow she is obviously stressed and not having a good time at the moment! But obviously a very over the top reaction & nasty message. I know you've already responded but I would have ignored her message and avoided her at school but let the school know as an fyi.

What a horrible person. I'd feel unsettled and feeling extra cautious of what she's telling her child to do to yours though. Crazy a grown woman is being a bully!

Everyone school has one of those bat shit mums and every school does tend to have one super spreader nitty child sadly.

I’d do as your legal advice says. Be glad she doesn’t want her child near yours think of it as a plus side.

Odds are it’s her child or another parent who’s actually said it was your child rather than school. All it’s takes is someone going Daisy was very itchy at pick up did you see? And Daisy will be the nitty child.

However I will say I did speak to a teacher once about a child you could clearly see them on and got a “yes it’s an on going issue” so sometimes schools will give away that info.

Ignore the text but don’t delete it.

she can't even spell fnck

I think the most annoying thing is the incorrectly spelt fucking. That would really annoy me. I mean if you're going to send shitty messages it's so much classier when they're coherent, with good grammar and spelt properly . . .

I can understand why you want to do something more about this. You’re going through a lot as it is: kids being suspected ND, abusive ex making hassle for you, but I would listen to your solicitor for now. If she escalates it and threatens you or your kids outright then definitely report that. If your kids end up being ostracised or bullied at school handle that as you would normally.

She sounds utterly foul btw. If nits make you that deranged then frankly you have no business having children- chances are they’re going to be riddled with them at least once during childhood.

I agree with this - the school absolutely should not be naming or shaming any individual child, even if they DO keep getting headlice. It’s unprofessional and I’d want an apology from the HT if it was the case… but I doubt any member of staff would have done so.

But I’d absolutely speak to the school again - in fact I would email the HT with screenshots of the messages you’ve been subjected to as they can’t easily ignore a written complaint.

Even if someone has a mental illness it doesn’t mean they are crazy

The OP hasn't been back to update.

Are you OK OP?

She sounds as rough as a badger’s arse

I don’t believe she’s having a mental health break down, she’s just being a b#tch and there’s no excuse for it.

OP, I would be upset by this too, as a mum of ND dc I would feel I am being targeted. My kids are now older but there were time at primary school where they probably looked slightly unkept and feral due to them not liking having their hair brushed. One parent accused my dd of making their child present as ND once because they were out together during activities, and they asked that their child did not hang out with mine.

I would just block her, eventually she will probably fall out with all the parents and realise that she’s the problem.

kids get nits and of course they are passed child to child but no one has the right to target one child/parent and text them a load of abuse.

I'd post the screenshot to the class whatsapp and state that your DD has never had nits and that you've spoken to the school and they've confirmed they would never tell a parent what kids have.

She needs outing as the bully she is.

She needs to sit in the discomfort of everyone knowing.

Her language about your kids is absolutely awful.

I would too - and I really cannot understand how calling out a woman who has done this to a class mum, or raising it with school, in anyway impacts a custody negotiation with an ex husband. That’s bonkers.

You need to report this to the police

She sounds unhinged and not particularly bright.
Who did you speak to in the school that was so dismissive? I would write school to and send them a copy of the messages. You could ask the school to keep an eye out for any potential issues between your child and the mother's child. I would also ask that the school consider sending advice on how to deal and treat lice to the whole school.

I think the situation had deteriorated beyond any sort of redemption looking at the tone of the other mother's initial message.

The response was remarkably restrained considering.

Choice behaviour nothing to do with 'mental health' at all. There are no mental health conditions that have 'text abuse to others' as a symptom.

She chose to do this because she wanted to not because she lacked control over her body. She was in complete control or she would've sent this to everyone.

Actually I really would send a copy of that text to the school - MadMum states that she had to make her daughter cry combing her hair. There is no way that should be happening unless the mother is being rough or abusing the child at the same time. I do think this is a safeguarding concern and needs to be raised with the safeguarding team.

Please don’t do this!

I would do this, @letmeeatcrisps.

She has gone nuclear. So all you can do is put the messages in a class whatsapp group, ccing the staff and explain that she has messaged you abusive messages out of the blue, so you are publically asking her to;

1. Leave you alone
2. Tell her kids to leave yours alone
3. Ask other parents that they ensure that yours arent ostracised because of hers
4. Ask other parents not to leave you alone with her
5. Make it absolutely clear that whilst your children are being assessed for being neurodivergant, they are not dirty, or smelly and do not have nits. They are just a little different

Op, make sure that your appearance is top tier and theirs is. People are nasty and if your kid looks a little scruffy, one overgrown school bully like this will make them a target.

She is psychotic and unhinged. No more words needed. I can envisage her in my mind, ranting on tiktok and Facebook about the state of the world despite having very little life experience outside of her small town.

Dont trust that woman who 'wasn't getting involved' either. She isnt your friend.

I suspect that they have been bullying you for a while behind your back and now she has got herself all her up, feeling that she 'has to say something'

She is vile. Scum. Not worth your time. But keep your kids safe. And given that you are also dealing with domestic abuse separately to this, your best bet is to publicly address everything and asked to be left alone.

Best of luck, op ❤️

Edit, hammer home at every opportunity that you are a domestic abuse survivor and do not deserve to be targeted like this because your children are different and are needing educational support.