Unhinged text from school mum, wwyd?

[letmeeatcrisps]

Saturday lunchtime I received this text from a mum of a girl in my kids class. We are friendly enough but would not really communicate outside school. I was pretty shocked - asked her if she’s ok, is she on her own with the kids, and I messaged another local mum who knows her to ask “is she ok, do you know if she has mental health problems”. Other mum responded with “I’m not getting involved”. Ok. No problem! Enjoy your weekend.
i showed my mum the texts, she was shocked, but said .. there’s nothing you can do except go to the police. It’s not the school’s problem. Ok, i get that, but this woman has admitted she has told her child to avoid mine - which is going to happen in school.
so I spoke to the school this morning, and mentioned that she told me she hopes I fall down the stairs (she was texting me abuse for a solid hour).

Schoool kind of shrugged and said well there was a case of nits in class, but they would never name names and it’s not really a big deal if kids do get them.
i said, exactly, i would just treat it, inform others and move on - I don’t think it warrants abuse!!

My daughter doesn’t have nits - actually never has - so I’m beyond confused as to what this woman is thinking

i have been ostracised a little bit by her group of friends - ie we used to go as a group to go to the park after school. My kids are suspected neurodivergent and it always resulted in a meltdown so I have since stopped going to the park with them. I explained this. But it’s like this has suddenly made me public enemy number one. My main concern is that, with parents like this - that my children may end up ostracised and bullied.

i spoke to my family court solicitor briefly (we fled dv 3 years ago but dad wants 50/50 so we are now at a section 7 cafcass report). She advised not reporting it to the school/police as it would come up with cafcass.

so, everyone I have spoken to about this in my life, has told me “let it go”. AIBU to be shocked that .. we just let this sort of thing slide nowadays???

YABU - she was clearly having a rough day but nothing can really be done
YANBU - it’s understandable that you feel you can’t just ignore it

any advice? Do I look for a new school??

Simple rules of society - we have laws and the police to enforce them.

If this is the first of many abusive messages then a police record will help immensely.

However, in this particular case I didn’t advise op to contact the police as it’s against her solicitor’s advice.

Are you contradicting peoples’ posts just for the sake of it?

OP, normally I would say go to the police with the threats, but if your solicitor has advised you not to then I'd go with that advice. Nothing is more important than you and your children's safety, and if your solicitor thinks reporting this could jeopardise other things, then you need to prioritise.

Apart from being absolutely unhinged, I had to laugh at several points of that text. For a start, she thinks brushing your children's hair means they won't get nits?! Where on earth does she get that idea?! A normal hairbrush doesn't remove them, that's the whole reason you have to use a special nit comb! Secondly, if her daughter cries having her hair combed with a nit comb, it suggests her hair isn't as well-brushed as her mum says it is. So she's thick as pigshit as well as deranged.

Many sympathies, it must be a real shock to receive such a hostile text for no reason, and I'm sure it must make going to school and facing these people harder, knowing they are capable of writing such aggressive bile.

I would maybe email the screenshot of the message to the school (perhaps the violence didn't come across fully on the telephone), saying how upset and intimidated you feel (if that's how you do feel, I know I would do) because it can come under a safeguarding issue.

Wow, she's unwell

Do not engage with the crazy.

'I check my child regularly for nits and haven't seen any. I really don't appreciate the tone of your message and will not tolerate abuse towards me or my child. Please do not communicate with me or my child again and address any concerns to the school who are actually paid to deal with this batshittery. Further abuse will force me to involve the police'

There will be no helping such a vile human being. Stay away from her and don't be sucked into a drama triangle. I would let the school know though not for them to mediate but just so that they're aware.

Wow. She's one dozen sandwiches short of a picnic. Sorry that I haven't RTFT.. hope you can avoid this nutter. Best wishes :)

The message is clearly out of order but surprised at several suggestions to go to the police?? 🤨

Think it was right to inform school and think the response you gave will probably rile her up even more. Good. I’d now block/ignore her and keep my distance. Even if your child had given hers nits the shouty rude message is completely overboard. Do you think it’s kids starting rumours about your child?

I'm in the southern UK, & they still don't talk like that round here.

I guess it's creeping Americanisation from films, TV, SM etc. ('I guess' rather than 'I'd guess' or 'I suppose' is another one 😁.)

No it doesn't

Psychotic episodes are not a laughing matter

This woman is just acting and behaving like a chav

That must of upset you ,to receive that
I'd be upset to
I think I'd probably change my phone number and make sure no one from school , except the school had my number
Better to keep people at arms length imho
I think only 1 or 2 mums ever got my number at school ,and we are still friends now .
Other than change my number,I'd avoid the mum and her friends and probably let it go , because really what else can you do

I don’t think “tramp” as an insult is American at all. I heard it used as an insult almost every day when I was 9-16. This thread has struck a nerve because my best friend growing up had terminal lice from neglect and this is the kind of thing other peoples parents would say to her when she was only 10. Obviously her parents fault not her own. I actually think it’s fair enough to yell abuse at a parent who lets their child have terminal lice (not saying that’s the op), but calling the children dumb and dirty is vile.

Being angry about your child having nits does not excuse this unhinged and foul-mouthed rant. And the OP has checked her child for nits.

I’d lose my absolute shit with her.

How dare she talk to you like that!

You did very well to keep your cool.

I would report to the school.
At the very least if she is having a MH breakdown rather than just a bitch, then they can flag it as a safeguarding concern.

School should absolutely be involved in this. I know for a fact if one of the parents sent this text to me and I went to the school they would call the other parent in for a meeting 100%. Is it a shit school? Seems it to be so blasé about this vile mother and her threats. How is OP supposed to just go about school life as if nothing has happened? Especially now her daughter will probably be ostracised because of this head case. I’d be fuming OP.

Just send her a cheery thumbs up, block her and go about your day in blissful ignorance of her latest rants.

I had a similar situation where a mum was texting me in the middle of the night saying my child had beaten and bullied hers so badly she was having to keep them at home for their own safety. You'd think in those circumstances my child would have been disciplined somehow (very small school) but I knew nothing about any such incident. I did send those to the school who promised to "look into it". The texts stopped.

OMG that is horrendous OP. So sorry this has happened to you and your kids.
That parent has got serious issues. Sadly her children will be suffering as a result of this but there is nothing you can do there.
In your shoes I would be blocking that woman and probably disengaging with any school what's app groups etc. That is not always a healthy side of social media. Sadly many people, whether or not they are parents at your children's school are unworthy of your time and energy.
If you could move school for your children I would be doing that. But I know that's a bit of a nuclear option. Could be worth it though in my view.

Focus on your own health and sanity and that of your children. Ignore anything not linked to those aims.

This school mum sounds very unwell. It's sad but not your problem.

I think as a MN poster you'll know that virtually every post where someone has had an unpleasant encounter with someone female and to a much lesser extent, men results in numerous posters saying 'oh but it could be -insert ND, dementia, mental health'

Which has been the case for years.

Nits do not 'prefer' clean hair. Stop wheeling out stupid tropes. They are looking for human blood to feed on and they have zero 'preference' for clean or dirty hair. This is just crap made up to make people feel better about something revolting like lice crawling about on your or your child's head, sucking blood and laying eggs.

Repetition of urban myths spreads false information and doesn't help anybody.

OP - as others have said (still not ok) it could be she has made a mistake and has got the wrong parent. If someone is knowingly sending a child to school with nits repeatedly and 'infesting' others then it's fair enough to have grounds for complaint but not in such unpleasant language.

I would have just replied saying (as you did) I think you have made a mistake. Not my kids. but have and added this language and tone is not acceptable please do not text me in this way again.

havent read all the replied but maybe her kid wrote the message!!

I'd have simply reponded:

*fucking

Sorry, what I meant was it's not your problem she's unhinged. I would definitely block and ignore.

I would of blocked & avoided her. She sounds very unwell, not your problem

She might be from a culture where kids stay home if they have nits? For everyone saying it’s normal, it might be normal here but I grew up in the U.S. and we were kept home if we had them. Granted, this was the 70s so maybe it’s different now.

Forward it on to the school and also contact you local PCSO at the local police and ask them to advise

@letmeeatcrisps And this is one of many messages OP? (You said she sent abusive texts for an hour?) YANBU and I wouldn't let this slide. It's certainly not the school's responsibility to sort out conflict between parents, but when it threatens to disrupt harmony between the children (and it's clear this woman is determined to do that) I would at least want to make the school aware of the severity of the abuse by downloading the messages and attaching them to an email to the school.