Which one of these parents would you judge more

[Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout]

Or think of as a crappier parent?

Child A-6-Always dressed immaculately in new clothes, new toys, hair beautifully done, wears make up a fair amount and mum & grandma spray perfume on her, has a mobile phone-‘Just’ with games on and adult Youtube. Child swears, calls people fat or ugly and laughs,

Or

Child B-6-Scruffy, often without shoes, clothes with paint or food down them at weekends, unbrushed hair, mainly at weekends, baths once per week

It doesn't do any harm until you're sitting in A&E for 6-8 hours waiting for glass or a rusty nail to be removed from your child's foot.
And working out if they need an anti tetanus booster.

Yep. Dog mess, man spit, vomit… You’d almost think our ancestors created shoes for a reason. There are a lot of things children are unaware of OP (I’m speaking as someone who, as a ND four-year-old, refused to wear clothes for much of the time. The result being I had to stay in the house if I wouldn’t get dressed because thankfully my parents were responsible adults). Your kind of parenting doesn’t do anyone any favours, least of all your child. Things that keep your child safe and healthy are non-negotiable, ND or not.

It might be 'silly', but so far it's worked for me and mine, and the rest of the country that I grew up in! Perhaps there's a lot more broken glass litter in the UK than I realised.
Regardless, my experience and cultural perspective means that I don't personally see a problem with the OP's child being frequently barefoot.

Same with my sister, she stood on a rusty nail and it went straight through her shoe into her foot, so the shoe didn't provide any protection 😅

Those nails are determined! 😆

Kids need a bath or shower more than once a week

That isn't the way to do curly hair either.

It needs to be wet twice a week at least, conditioner applied and scalp cleaned (most conditioners contain glycerin, which will help with cleaning), then conditioner needs to be spread gently through the hair, and once the hair is caked with conditioner you can detangle with a wide toothed comb/ rake. Then you rinse the hair and wrap it in an old t-shirt, followed about half an hour later by scrunching with gel.

Detangling sprays will leave residue in the hair, and the curl pattern will be disturbed if you try to get a comb or brush through it even using sprays.

The case as presented in the OP -

Parent(s) of child A: too much emphasis on materialism
Parent(s) of child B: probably say they are gentle parenting

Each style could be ‘judged’. Provided each child is loved, nurtured, safeguarded, fed, encouraged in resilience and life-skills, and educated, all in no particular order of importance, then it is horses for courses.

Tantrum?! A meltdown is far more than a tantrum and no they dont "just get used to it"

This is very true and interesting to read as a ND adult. I still sometimes miss (more than I should) a couple of bits of clothing I had as a child that were hugely important to me but were undoubtedly put in the jumble sale as soon as I outgrew them. I wasn’t allowed to have an outward ‘meltdown’ because it was the 1970s and it was out of the question.

Here’s the thing though: our childhoods don’t have to be entirely ‘perfect’. Children don’t have to agree with everything adults do. Children don’t need to be kept in a state of permanent bliss. Of course they need to be cared for, loved, valued, intrinsically content; but those things aren’t diminished when a child feels upset for not getting their own way. Whatever kind of parenting is the norm now, it still needs to be done by adults who don’t feel they need to ‘people please’ their child. Going outside? Put your shoes on!

This made me laugh.

I grew up in the "No choice, do as you are told, eat or you will get it for breakfast, a slap never did anyone any harm" 70's too. As someone with major sensory issues and what I now know to be stimming/self regulation, I am determined that DD wont have the same experience that we did.

Yes we survived but it didnt make for a happy childhood. Or at least it didnt for me. So I do not subscribe to the "it didnt do me any harm" school of thought. If we all did that then kids would still be having horrific corporal punishment as a matter of course.

They both suck.

One of them is being over materialistic with their child and probably spoiling them a bit.

The other is posting on Mumsnet trying to instigate people to slag off a literal child because she's salty the parents of said child judge her for her lax approach. And also needs to bathe her kid more than once a week.

Agree with @DarkForces not your circus, essentially.

will take minor exception to your comment here though,

Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout · Yesterday 21:47
"Feet can’t be damaged having no shoes on in the house and garden"

The assertion that feet cannot be damaged by having no shoes on is incorrect

This is not a serious thread, surely?

Both parenting styles are clearly dogshit, but for different reasons. Does the child who only bathes once a week at least take a shower more frequently? And make-up on a 6 year-old?! Is this at school and have teachers not called it out?

Both - but no 2 depends on level of washing in between and what’s meant by no shoes. I imagine you are 2

From your description I would view both as neglected and would view both parenting styles as inappropriate.

As I've said elsewhere on the thread, <a class="break-all" href="https://archive.is/20240203170944/www.nytimes.com/2024/02/03/world/australia/australia-new-zealand-no-shoes.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Australia and Aotearoa (archive link seems to be messed up!) seem to manage alright going barefoot! But perhaps the UK has much more of a problem with dangerous litter.

I was thinking the same. My child wouldn’t have their hair brushed at that age. Bath time was tricky as we do it every day but now hates feeling dirty. They change as they grow older. Is child A an ex’s child. Child B does sound like they could be neurodivergent. Mine is, and the sensitivities make sense since they were diagnosed for autism and ADHD. My ex’s child is left to screen time, has everything under the sun - really quite spoilt, while my child with them doesn’t have even half the luxuries. It’s very noticeable and my child was very jealous and also has a great sense of fairness/justice being AuDHD.

I think this is the article to which you refer @OtterlyAstounding

In Australia and New Zealand, Barefoot Is a Way of Life
A celebration of (at least occasional) shoelessness. By Natasha Frost

Published Feb. 3, 2024 Updated Feb. 5, 2024
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I had just moved to New Zealand, at age 12, when a new friend suggested that we slip out to the corner store (dairy in New Zealand English) for some candy (lollies).

It wasn’t a warm day — July or August in Auckland hovers around 50 degrees Fahrenheit — yet when I stopped to put on my shoes, she looked at me with bemusement. Why would I need shoes for a quick trip down the road?

New Zealanders — and their Australian cousins — like to go barefoot. They’ll often eschew footwear to go to the gas station, the grocery store, the playground and even the pub.

Seth Kugel, a writer for The New York Times, who visited New Zealand in 2012, put it like this: “People walk around barefoot. On the street. In supermarkets. All over. It’s not everyone, but it’s a significant enough minority to be quite striking and a bit disconcerting. Sure, city sidewalks are clean. But they’re still city sidewalks.”

(He was also surprised by a lack of tipping culture, the fine distinction between a flat white and a latte and the preponderance of te reo Maori, the country’s Indigenous language.)

In Perth, in Western Australia, at least one elementary school has a “shoes optional” policy, with administrators citing claims that going barefoot “helped children improve posture, develop sensory awareness and strengthen their feet and body.” (Podiatrists are less convinced.)

"seem to manage alright going barefoot! But perhaps the UK has much more of a problem with dangerous litter" 😆 ⬆️

I stand with the podiatrists (wi ma shoes on) 😉

But being a parent generally involves making the child do some things she does not want to do. Getting them to eat vegetables or go to bed at a reasonable hour can be a 'real battle' but a responsible parent will still do it.

Thank you!

"I stand with the podiatrists (wi ma shoes on) 😉"

Haha, fair enough! 😁

Child A's parents are at least getting the basics right of making sure child has brushed hair and is clean.

Child B sounds like my son when he was little! He's now a successful civil servant on a fast track career.

This happened to me five or six times as a kid. Always straight off to the doc for a tetanus booster. Feet still going strong sixty years later.

Oh God I bet they were painful. I don't envy you 😅

i never stood on a nail as a child but a few weeks ago I stood on a large upholstery nail with my barefoot ...... the pain was so so bad, it went into my foot as far as it could and due to the flat head pressed against my foot I really struggled to pull it out.

I was limping all day the next day 😅

I’d be concerned about child A bullying others, that is the most concerning behaviour. I’m not bothered about people choosing to let their kids wear fancy clothes and always look pristine, also couldn’t give a shit about them having iPads or even phones.

My 7 yo has a phone but it isn’t useable without wifi so no SIM card. He can send us GIFs via iMessage at home which he enjoys doing and he likes to watch YouTube or play games on it sometimes.

He also does other messy activities like crafts and playing outside getting grubby. You can absolutely do both and be both types of parents at different times. I don’t buy fancy clothes for young DC because there’s just no point. I couldn’t be arsed stressing about them ruining them with tomato soup or mud.