Which one of these parents would you judge more

[Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout]

Or think of as a crappier parent?

Child A-6-Always dressed immaculately in new clothes, new toys, hair beautifully done, wears make up a fair amount and mum & grandma spray perfume on her, has a mobile phone-‘Just’ with games on and adult Youtube. Child swears, calls people fat or ugly and laughs,

Or

Child B-6-Scruffy, often without shoes, clothes with paint or food down them at weekends, unbrushed hair, mainly at weekends, baths once per week

I have to say, I’m surprised at the outrage on this thread about weekly baths. Once per week is absolutely fine for children, providing hands, face and genital area are washed daily.

I feel there’s a lot of judgement on here. I have parented 2 children with good hygiene, one with autism one without. Then child 3 is like yours, and gets terrible sensory issues with clothes/water. I won’t physically force a 10 year old to have a shower. They were fine up to about age 6. Have tried everything to help with her autism and sensory issues, and I think people do just judge on your parenting.

Same.

The only thing that is really unequivocally unjustifiable is the child calling people fat and ugly.

@Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout this is your sister, right?

You can tell who has a child with eczema and who doesnt! DD has the double whammy of eczema and afro/euro curly hair!

Look, as much as you're trying to point your finger at the other child's parents here, it doesn't change the fact that you're allowing your child to rule the roost.

And I'm having real difficulty believing that your kid brushes her teeth every single day, twice a day, when she can get away with not wearing shoes or having her hair brushed/washed etc, because she's a 'strong willed free spirit'.

Hmmm.

Both. Neither sound like they're being well brought up tbh. One is being taught to behave appallingly, and the other is neglected, without even the basics of personal care i.e clean clothes, hair brushed, personal hygiene seen to.

Tell me you dont have an autistic child, without telling me......

ITs all about picking battles. Teeth? Non negotiable. Hair brushing? Once on a monday with braids (as I said above, DD has afro/euro hair so braids on a monday would last all week) non negotiable, but weekends? Do what you want. Baths? Again, once a week non negotiable. Smart clothes when required, yes but within their comfort zone. DD for example always needs her head covered. So she wears a hoodie but for smart events she wears a colour coordinated beanie. All good. The rest of the time is usually PJ bottoms, bare feet and a hoodie. Shoes go on as she leaves the house and come off as soon as she walks in as she hates them. No socks either.

No one is "ruling" anyone and the fact that you went there suggests that the person who insists on ruling the roost is you with no compromise at all, your way or the high way right?

Ahh I missed this from the OP...

possibly nd

Probably because it was 9 friggin posts in...

Not sure why you've decided the child is actually autistic though, but I'll bow to your diagnosis.

I'd judge anyone who allowed a 6 year old to wear makeup, swear and insult people. Her parents need sorting out.

Even without reading any of OP's subsequent posts, it was obvious she is parent of child B. She avoided the character assassination on her own child that she did on child A.

I'd think from the description, that neither child sounds as if they're being well parented.

Its not hard to get rid of tatty clothes, replace with new ones, after the initial tantrum they'll have to get used to it.

Tantrum?! A meltdown is far more than a tantrum and no they dont "just get used to it". That item of clothing ends up in the charity bag or the bin. Ask me how I know!

I'd judge both parents, but I'd like the scruffy child better than the nastily behaved one, and probably judge the scruffy child's parents less.

There's no issue with no shoes (being barefoot is fine), or stained clothing, although clothes should be changed daily (except perhaps trousers if they're clean). Baths or showers really need to be two or three times a week though, and getting into that habit will help when the child is pubescent and needs to wash more often. And if longer hair is knotted and unkempt because caring for it is distressing for the child, then I think it should be cut short - it's so much easier for everyone!

So basically, you are on here hoping for a pile on of the child who is well looked after and nicely dressed, and hoping for praise for your own free range parenting.

Regardless of what your kid is like, that doesn’t reflect well on you.

Because she has described my (diagnosed) DD word for word, even down to the same type of hair. Its actually a bit weird! Before DD was diagnosed I soon worked out which battles were worth picking and which weren't and like the OP I put it down to it being "just how she is". The diagnosis was a relief for both of us which is why I would strongly recommend that the OP pushes for that.

Child B is neglected. No shoes and only bathing once a week. That's not normal.

It's not about you and your kid.

This is about the OP and hers, who is 'Possibly ND' in the OP's own words.

If you want to make it about your child who has been diagnosed, feel free to start your own thread instead of taking this one off on a tangent.

It really doesn't, does it?

I think anyone who says child b is being neglected, doesn’t understand what neglect of a child actually looks like.

I agree with the bathing once a week not being enough, but I grew up in a country where most kids roam around barefoot everywhere by choice, even on the high street or in the shops - even in a (fairly temperate) winter, and it doesn't do any harm! It might be unusual in the UK and obviously wouldn't be alright in winter, but otherwise as long as the child has shoes to wear, it doesn't seem like neglect.

Both will be unhappy adults (presuming the second is yours OP). Why? Because the first is over-indulged and the second has a parent who compares children with each other. Yuck. Grow up. Children need their parents to be adults.

It doesn't do any harm until you're sitting in A&E for 6-8 hours waiting for glass or a rusty nail to be removed from your child's foot.

And working out if they need an anti tetanus booster.

Yes, my dc had eczema as a young child, and I was advised by the GP to limit baths as much as possible. Also lucky to have curly hair that could easily go for a week without washing

To be fair, I don't think that ever happened to me or any child I've known throughout my life, including my own children. The one foot injury I got was a rusty nail that went right through my gumboot, so wearing shoes wasn't much help!

Obviously common sense is needed, so if you're going somewhere that often has a lot of debris then shoes are required, but otherwise a person's feet having contact with the ground isn't going to hurt them.

That's silly.

You can find broken glass and sharp objects anywhere.

Some risks are worth taking and others are not.

Whether you've known anyone to be injured or not, is neither here nor there.