Which one of these parents would you judge more

[Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout]

Or think of as a crappier parent?

Child A-6-Always dressed immaculately in new clothes, new toys, hair beautifully done, wears make up a fair amount and mum & grandma spray perfume on her, has a mobile phone-‘Just’ with games on and adult Youtube. Child swears, calls people fat or ugly and laughs,

Or

Child B-6-Scruffy, often without shoes, clothes with paint or food down them at weekends, unbrushed hair, mainly at weekends, baths once per week

Neither are great and one of my children is like B, but I know I’m not doing enough about it and I need to lift my game. The biggest issue I see is the way A treats others. That wouldn’t be remotely tolerated in my house and is likely to be the hardest thing to change of all the things mentioned.

Both sounds neglectful

That's what I thought. (The parenting, not the child).
It's like having to choose between snot and baby vomit.

Don’t backtrack now. You said barefoot in your garden and in the woods. Now maybe you own the woods and know no one else has managed to spit or pee out there but can you also can confirm there are no fallen branches or other sharp bits of nature that could potentially poke into a tiny bare foot? Either way, the dirt of outside should be cleaned off and not left for another week.

You absolutely have to up your game in caring for your child and perhaps that would be easier done if yous topped worrying so much about someone else’s parenting.

This is true insofar as many people didn't bath their dc as often in previous generations. I was actually told by a paediatrician I did it too much when mine were small.

I do think in this day and age a week is a bit long unless they are poorly or some other reason. It's quick and easy to jump in and out of the shower.

The no shoes would worry me a bit.

But neglect is a funny concept and I do agree a child can have a lot outwardly yet be emotionally neglected.

I personally think it's a no brainer. Child A's upbringing sounds extremely unhealthy. She's wearing make-up at 6 years old, watching adult content on YouTube and calling people fat and ugly, presumably without redress. The only thing I'd probably do is bath or shower child B more than once a week. I only had one bath a week as a child but it was the early 1960's and we only had a tin bath in front of the fire so it was a right bloody palaver.

So by guessing the other child is your niece..both bad parenting..you are a lazy idle mother who just let's her child rule you and I'd say you will have more trouble with your child than your niece in fairness..get a grip of yourself,bath your child more,brush her hair and she dosent need to be bloody scruffy,it's not cute big or clever ffs

I grew up in the late 70’s and 80’s but we still had a bath everyday! That is pure laziness. If you’d have washed the child as often as you should all her life,she wouldn’t know any different and wouldn’t play up. Pathetic excuse. You need to have a word with yourself.

Having a bath once a week isn’t that bad. If they have clean clothes and have a wash in between.

There’s no excuse for letting them put back on filthy clothes though.
If hair is a constant battle get it cut shorter and invest in some good conditioner and brushes.

Both parents are not great.

I see that yours is child B - sorry that may be acceptable if you are impoverished and have no money for shoes, but generally speaking you are being a bad parent.

Forget about child A and their family. Their judgement is irrelevant. You probably feel judged because you know, like all of us, that you could probably do a bit better for your child.

How about increasing it to two baths, and do her hair three times a week?

My son hates having his hair done, but it's tangly and curly, and it had to be done. Tangle cream followed by a shower in the morning is much more fun.

Food on clothes and unbrushed hair is just a no. You need to instill in your child that they need to take care of their personal hygiene themselves when they are old enough. This includes hair brushing, wiping faces, not dropping food all over themselves (and changing if their clothes are visibly dirty) and regular bathing. They might not be smelly now but they will be in a few years if they don’t have good hygiene habits.

Bathing once a week might have been normal
but people ALSO had a strip wash at the sink in between, often every day. Pits n Bits n Feet were cleaned every day.

Are you making sure your daughter’s feet and vulva/bum are clean OP??? She won’t need the armpits so much as she won’t be sweaty yet I wouldn’t think, but her genitals and feet certainly need more than once a week wash!

I genuinely feel slightly ill at the idea of a child running around barefoot - with food down their clothes- being bathed once a week. That is quite simply neglect. Your child is going to be the 'smelly one' at school. It's not cool or relaxed or any other platitude you want to tell yourself, it's neglect.

No shoes in the house and garden? Oh ok! Isn’t this normal? Why mention it? It’s hardly important in this context. I don’t understand what you hoped to get from this post really.

You decide for yourself how to rear and develop your child. If you feel you are being judged, then just challenge them. Nothing we can do about it.

I'd judge Child A. Child B sounds normal. My dd had ezema so I was told to nly bath her once a week. Ds is ND so didn't tolerate things like shoes, socks and hair brushing.

Assuming you are parent B I’d judge your parenting because you are on MN encouraging thousands of people trash a 6 year old girl and say your child is better in comparison.

You can say “I mean the parenting” all you like, but that’s not what you are doing.

If you don’t like the child/her parents/or her influence on your child then stop inviting her round to play.

This thread is pretty reprehensible.

I'm beginning to think this thread is just to wind everyone up.

I'm sorry, but you can absolutely smell these "free spirit" kids, even before they become teenagers and start smelling of sweat. Dirty clothes, stale unwashed bums and feet, unwashed pongy hair. Clothes that have grubby cuffs and crusty stains. I know its a choice, but why chose to look like your kids live under a bridge in a cardboard box?...

We were told by a doctor that the maximum should be every other day. Obviously you do need to wash everyday, but a full shower or bath can be harmful to sensitive skin.

Thanks. Personally I found it helpful to shepherd DD through the bath every day as wind down, ready for bed time. Also she was usually filthy. Protocols change, I guess.

What about their bum and private parts? They really stink and get itchy if you don’t wash them regularly. Child B sounds like a happy active child so must get sweaty and smelly. Washing their body should be taught from very young that it’s non negotiable. Do they also have long black nails because they don’t like them being cut?

Yeah, this. I wouldn't be impressed with the parenting on either side.

I try not to judge parents but i would say neither match how I choose to look after my child at all.