Which one of these parents would you judge more

[Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout]

Or think of as a crappier parent?

Child A-6-Always dressed immaculately in new clothes, new toys, hair beautifully done, wears make up a fair amount and mum & grandma spray perfume on her, has a mobile phone-‘Just’ with games on and adult Youtube. Child swears, calls people fat or ugly and laughs,

Or

Child B-6-Scruffy, often without shoes, clothes with paint or food down them at weekends, unbrushed hair, mainly at weekends, baths once per week

There's a lot between a daily bath and grubby. Why aren't they wearing shoes outside? It's freezing out and filthy.

Is that the only place they go without shoes? I would consider that a complete non-issue not worth mentioning, but I’d wash their feet more often after being in the garden (but maybe their feet are washed more often than the weekly bath?)

Why is it either/or?

Hygiene, hair and cleanliness are non-negotiable.

First child could be nicer, so that's on the child (and the school, club or home where the behaviour is happening and going unchallenged). The second child is at the mercy of her parents knowing better but not doing better.

So child 1 might be more personality but, sorry, I think child 2's parents need to actually parent.

Child 2s parents don't get to say what child 1s parents should do, but perhaps don't for an easier lives when they themselves are making choices to.make their own lives easier. Glass houses and all that.

Parent B is fine, as long as there were additional baths/hair washes if visibly dirty. Bath once a week is fine for little ones. Bathing daily isn't good for children's skin. Our youngest only ever had a bath once a week because he'd get weeping sores from damp in creases (behind ears) if bathed too frequently.

Parent A I would be seriously concerned. And yea, would be judging hard.

She may not smell now, but she will start soon when she starts puberty, she won't suddenly start enjoying washing, better to get her in a routine now.
A's parents are terrible, filling her with chemicals.

Is it neglectful to let child play in messy clothes at the weekend and to let them be a bit more free with their hair or to let a child sit for hours unattended on adults youtube, but she looks the part in public and has everything she wants

no shoes outside surely means they need to wash more than once a week

I think it’s fine to have a weekly or twice weekly bath. Children don’t need submerging in water every day it’s bad for the skin. Children who are visibly dirty need to be cleaned though.

So who is child A?

Only place without shoes, feet aren’t dirty, washed if they are

Why are you judging someone else’s parenting style?

That's not what you said though. My kids get messy at the weekend. I then wash their hair and brush it and help them look after themselves. I don't leave them visibly grubby with food on themselves or dirty feet. Hair needs brushing or it matts. If you won't brush it then it needs to be very short.

What's the point of this? You want us to tell you that you're the perfect parent and give you a buzz getting the masses to criticise someone different? TBH I'm judging your motivation for this thread.

It's weird to wear shoes in the house, I have no idea now why you even mentioned shoes

Both are bad in my opinion

I wasn’t (well trying not to, although I disagree with many aspects of what is happening) until other child mentioned in our house that her dm says mine should wear more dresses and have hairstyles like hers

They can relax on weekends if staying in and we have the main bath and hair wash on Sundays

I'd judge child A's parent more as they are raising potentially a future vile adult.

However child's B parent needs to do better too as there really is no excuse to only bath your child once a week and not brush their hair daily, it's basic hygiene. I wouldn't judge for food or paint on clothes (assuming they was clean that morning) or the no shoes (assuming the child is choosing that and shoes are actually available) though.

What are you wanting to gain from this thread?

You don’t sound like a very nice person if you want people to judge someone else’s parenting “more” than yours based on their kids appearances and screen time.

Not at all, i’m feeling personally attacked and was upset, but now feel angry about it as I don’t see any issues really and see lots of issues with this girl being far too young

And I sense we are getting a far from unbiased description of both.

@CinnamonBuns67
Child A is at much higher risk of being the victim of online grooming and sexual abuse rather than being a vile adult.

For a 6 year old, a bath once a week is less than I’d do myself but not a disaster, assuming that hands and face are washed much more regularly than that and that if they get covered in dirt they also get a proper wash. Bathing children too much can mess up their skin biome and for hundreds of years a weekly bath was totally normal.

I wouldn’t judge messy hair (my 6 year old’s hair looks a mess seconds after I have brushed and combed it) but I would feel sad for a child whose hair was matted and uncared for.

Scruffy clothes - ie well worn or stains that won’t come out in the wash: normal and fine for messy play. If I saw a kid in scruffy clothes in the park I’d think it was far more sensible than taking them out in a silk dress and then getting upset when they got mud on it. I’d feel differently if the child wore the same dirty clothes with fresh stains on for days, or if clothes were damaged such as not to be weather appropriate.

Basically if child B seemed happy and well I would assume that they were parented in quite a “free range” or “crunchy” style but that wouldn’t make me think it was bad or neglectful parenting.

Barefoot - not normal in this country but I used to live in New Zealand where there was much more of a barefoot culture. Again I don’t see this being harmful assuming the child wears shoes to walk in places where there could be sharp things and broken glass. And around the house is clearly no issue - most people don’t want their kids wearing muddy shoes indoors anyway!

I would judge a parent who put makeup on their 6 year old though and who didn’t firmly correct their child for speaking rudely to adults. I know it isn’t nice to judge other parents but I would still secretly do it.

Both terrible.

Socks, sorry, I mean she prefers not to wear socks if able to