Which one of these parents would you judge more

[Cantbearsedtosortthoseelvesout]

Or think of as a crappier parent?

Child A-6-Always dressed immaculately in new clothes, new toys, hair beautifully done, wears make up a fair amount and mum & grandma spray perfume on her, has a mobile phone-‘Just’ with games on and adult Youtube. Child swears, calls people fat or ugly and laughs,

Or

Child B-6-Scruffy, often without shoes, clothes with paint or food down them at weekends, unbrushed hair, mainly at weekends, baths once per week

You need to learn how to do thick curly hair.

You don't have to brush it or comb it - in fact it's best not to do that. But it does need care. Look up the curly girl method. I used it for my own curly haired girls and they still use it as adults, as do I.

Children shouldn't be still routinely spilling food down themselves at 6. If food goes on their clothes, change the clothes and launder thoroughly. Ditto paint. If you can afford decent footwear, don't let your child go about in footwear that isn't in good shape. A bath twice a week would be fine - the hair needs wetting and conditioner and can be combed with a wide tooth comb when conditioner is in, then allowed to air dry.

You should be aiming for the happy medium. A dirty child and dirty clothes are not evidence of moral.superiority or superior parenting.

Deleted. I didnt read the OP properly

Child A - Is overly exposed to inappropriate content and being treated like a mini adult. This will affect the child's long term development significantly and they are likely to struggle socially and emotionally long term.

Child B- There is an element of neglect given the child only baths once a week and is scruffy.

Both parents should be focusing more on their child's welfare than judging others. As someone who works in education i would be concerned for both children.

It wouldn't be possible to make an accurate judgement based an online post by one of the parents. If child B is presentable during the week, I don't really see an issue with their parent. I don't think child A playing games on a phone or wearing perfume is a problem, You Tube and make up could be problematic. The swearing and calling people fat is awful behaviour for a 6 year old, awful at any age but more shocking at 6 as they're old enough to know better but also too young to have picked it up from peers, meaning they probably learned that behaviour at home.

But she's said her hair is really curly and thick, and that sort of hair needs teasing through when wet with lots of conditioner. You can't just drag a brush through it, especially if she's going several days at the weekend without it being brushed at all. I'd suspect it's even less looked after in the holidays.

What did you hope to accomplish with this post?

theres a huge room for improvement in both cases

I try my very best not to judge other people and their parenting but both sound horrendous!

Child 1 - Giving a child a phone at age 6 is mental! Most kids like to play dress up so if you mean that by make up it is ok. It is a phase they grow out of. Usually one tries to encourage kids to put the make up on a dolly rather than on themselves.

Child 2 scruffy looking and bathing once a week is disgusting. Sounds neglectful or a parent who can’t be bothered to set up a routine. Please note other kids and parents will avoid and child will struggle to make friends at school. Also not wearing shoes outside the house is dangerous. Unbrushed hair will get matted and filthy as young children often put food in their hair. Also why allow child to walk around in scruffy clothes with food down it? That is gross and unhygienic. It doesn’t have to be new clothes but they should be washed and clean.

Probably parent 2 at first glance, but I love seeing kids out playing, looking messy with wild hair and dirty clothes. I think society has moved so far away from that natural childhood freedom. So it depends on what they do.

The one who posts on SM wanting people to judge others.

It does, but once a week is enough.

My DD has riglet tight curls and has only ever had a weekly hair wash. When little, I kept it in plaits to keep it tangle free. Might have to re-do the plaits halfway through the week, but generally they stayed in and stayed neat. Now she's a teen, she still only washes her hair once a week (showers daily now though) and uses a silk bonnet at night.to help stop it tangling and just uses her fingers to comb through with some cream in the morning.

Child B sounds fairly similar to mine and I consider myself a “good” parent - I’d say I’m relaxed and more concerned they are happy and healthy than whether they look like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards on any given day. Child is ND and I’m not interested in having battles over small stuff like what they are wearing.

I'm team B all the way here. I don't think bathing once a week is wrong if the hands are washed regularly and toilet and oral hygiene is good. I had a child who had some sensory needs and hated having hair brushed or wearing a hat so hair was kept short (easier for a boy obviously), shoes and socks were taken off straight away so he was barefoot a lot. He was so much happier that way and i had to choose my battles.

When I see a dirty scruffy looking child at the end of a day I think they have been learning and exploring and enjoying being a child all day. A dirty scruffy child at 8am is a different matter.

Sounds like they are both judging each other too much. I wouldn't let my child wear makeup or have a phone at 6, but I also never let my children go more than a day without a bath, and brush their hair every day and change their clothes if they get dirty (they are allowed to get messy, I just get them clean as soon as they are finished.)

I’d have a level of concern for both children.

Both pretty bad TBH.

Do child A’s parents encourage the name calling? If it’s just the odd bit of make up and perfume I couldn’t get that bothered. I would not give a phone with you tube on though.

Child B, one bath a week and no shoes is not good. It may sound all cute and crunchy but clothes with food down is grim and IMO once they reach a certain age they need to start realising how to dress appropriately for the situation, assuming no SEN. I’ve worked wtih people with poor personal hygiene and it’s no fun. Plus kids will notice if they smell off and it will make it more difficult for them to make friends. Either seek a diagnosis or I think insist on cleanliness and hair brushed at the very least (or cut hair very short).

Why does child 2 only bathe once a week? That sounds gross and neglectful.

And why does child 1 wear makeup? Do they do beauty pageants? But at least they are clean and smell good.

What a load of nonsense

I think most people, if they are honest, can feel put out by implied criticism of their parenting style as it's a sensitive issue. Child A, being too young to understand, has announced that her mother (presumably) has said that child B should be dressed more like her. I think it's perfectly possible to defuse any tension, while still defending yourself in a low-key way, by pointing out to both girls that it's fine for child A to prefer a dressy style and child B to prefer comfy and casual. There are no rights and wrongs in this area.

I can’t get worked up about bathing once a week - if they’re older than a toddler and not caking themselves in food and dirt and capable of wiping properly after using the toilet, but not yet pubescent and smelly. If teeth are clean, face hands and bottoms clean…the rest of your skin doesn’t need that much maintenance.

I use a detangling spray

That’s a bit like asking if you were up
to your neck in shit and someone threw a bucket of puke at your head,would you duck

Still no. You comb it, when wet, ideally with lots of conditioner.

Have you attempted to educate yourself on appropriate haircare for curly hair? If not, please do. I suspect your child would hate having her hair done much less if it were being done properly.

Also, YABU. Both styles of parenting are poor, in my opinion.

how often did they advise?

i also don’t bath my kid very much. she doesn’t smell so i don’t think it matters really.

Same, I mainly plait during the week