To think that a couple’s wedding night should be sacred and most importantly, private?

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I’ve always felt that the wedding night - after the vows, after the party, after all the speeches and photos, should be a moment of privacy for the couple. Not necessarily for sex (though for some, yes) but for reflection, intimacy, quiet connection. The start of something new. But I’ve noticed more and more weddings where the couple is so busy entertaining everyone until 2am or 3am or crashing out drunk with friends or doing “wedding night after parties” and it makes me wonder… what are you actually prioritising?

AIBU to think the first night of your marriage should be yours - sacred, calm, private, not diluted by noise, content or a dozen mates in your suite?

(Not pearl-clutching. Just think intimacy gets lost in all the spectacle.)

They have the rest of their lives for that

Up to the individual couple, surely?

I think people should do what they want to do. Maybe they want to celebrate with their friends and family into the early hours.

Yeah totally unreasonable considering most couples have been living together for years at that point.

'You do you' has never been more apt here.

I think whatever the couple want to do is what they should do. They'll have plenty of time for that, on honeymoon, or for the rest of their lives.

Most couples who get married now have been together for a long time, typically live together, and have just spent a fortune on a big party. Let them enjoy it! They've got the rest of their lives for intimacy and quiet reflection

Most people have already been living together for years at the point they get married now. If they're spending ££££ on their wedding then I think they just want to get the most out of the party 🤔

I think its really important that the couple does what's right for them. And that others don't judge

Hmm

I personally would like to have a private wedding if I ever get married - just me and my dd, my man and his kids

Barefoot on the beach or wearing hired Vera Wang in a posh registry office, with noone in the room wishing me ill or judging me or my dress

And then, i'd like a second party, where we are dancing all night and very drunk

😄 I am very single so why have I given it thought 🙃

Get a grip.

That might be right for you. Not so much for others. I had family from Australia who I don’t get to see very much. Of course we wanted to spend the night with them and other family. I have a life time with DH.

Completely individual choice.

Seeing as the vast majority of couples have been living together before they get married anyway, it’s not like that first night of intimacy is a big deal.

We parties til 1am, crashed out, had a lovely brunch with family, then went off for our honeymoon. Sorry, not very "sacred" 😆

It should be whatever the couple want it to be. Personally, I wanted to make the most of having all my family and fiends in the same place and was happy to wait for the honeymoon to reflect.

The wedding night is t such a big deal now that most couples live together before marriage.

I don't know why 'sacred' wedding night is making me laugh so much but it just is 😁

You used the word ‘sacred’ twice. Are the atheists exempt? Please and thank you.

What do you mean?

We spent our wedding night sharing a single bed in the room our young children were sharing (we weren't at home) . Our wedding day didn't feel like the start of something new, more cementing what we already were.

It should be for what fhe couple want. If you have a wedding do it how you want and let others make their own decisions without judgement.

Just thinking about this.....how many couples see their relationship as sacred? How often do couples reflect during the years they are together?

Our wedding was a very soecial and celebratory occasion but not sacred. We’re not religious and we’d been together already for 15 years. We wanted to party and so we did!

YABU. If I've spent a shit load of money and effort organising a huge party and loads of people I love have made the effort to come to it, people I might not see for months or years otherwise, I'm not going to leave early to shag my husband (or silently stare into his "sacred" eyes or whatever you have in mind). I have the rest of my life for that, and like most people by the time the wedding comes around would have had many nights alone with him for many years.

I think that’s an old fashioned idea, suited more to 60 plus years ago. 99% of couples live together before marriage, and I’d imagine 100% are not virgins. Any wedding I’ve been to, the bride and groom want to eke out every second of partying.

Me too 😂

op it’s up to the newlyweds in question. Most weddings I’ve attended the B&G have stayed up until the early hours with the guests and rolled to bed absolutely hammered! They have the rest of their married lives together to be earnest and reflective, they’ve likely spent a fuck tonne of money on a big party with their nearest and dearest, seeing people
that have possibly travelled a long way to celebrate with them. To stroll off to bed with a cheery wave at 10pm might be perfect for some but others want to make the most of a rare opportunity like having their loved ones all in one room together.
Actually having said that the last wedding we went to was a third wedding for both, it was very informal, registry office and then a meal with around 30 of us guests. Was lovely and then at about 10pm the newlyweds did indeed wave us off, saying they had paid the bar tab and left extra money behind for us and off they went. Perfect for them and we are all really close (and had been to his first and second wedding 😂), no one including either sets of parents had travelled especially far.
Just depends on the individual.

I can see why there was more emphasis placed on the wedding night being a special time for the couple to be alone in past times when an unmarried man and woman would not spend time like that.

But in modern times a wedding doesn’t change the degree of intimacy a couple share, so I think it’s very much up to the individuals to shape the time for themselves and there’s no good reason to think they ought to have any particular emphasis on it that they don’t themselves choose.