To think that a couple’s wedding night should be sacred and most importantly, private?

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I’ve always felt that the wedding night - after the vows, after the party, after all the speeches and photos, should be a moment of privacy for the couple. Not necessarily for sex (though for some, yes) but for reflection, intimacy, quiet connection. The start of something new. But I’ve noticed more and more weddings where the couple is so busy entertaining everyone until 2am or 3am or crashing out drunk with friends or doing “wedding night after parties” and it makes me wonder… what are you actually prioritising?

AIBU to think the first night of your marriage should be yours - sacred, calm, private, not diluted by noise, content or a dozen mates in your suite?

(Not pearl-clutching. Just think intimacy gets lost in all the spectacle.)

🙄 bet you’re fun at parties.

After our wedding we didn’t get to bed until maybe 4/5 am, lots of guests still up when we hit the hay. Dh spent about 20 mins taking the pins out of my hair and undoing my corset on my dress 😭🤣 we were buzzing after such a great day , we opened some cards and presents , had a quickie and went to sleep. We were wrecked and knew we had the honeymoon to catch up anyway . People spend a lot so they want to enjoy it until the very end

Nope. We partied hard 30 years ago on wedding night. Then fell into bed to sleep. Got up to see everyone next morning at breakfast.

I spent the best part of my wedding night looking after my aunt who was so drunk she couldn’t even stand up…everyone had a great night though 😂 I’ve got the rest of my life to have ‘quiet reflection’ with DH

Most newlyweds in 2025 have already had sec before marriage, they’re shagged out if anything. It’s not sacred

You what now? Are you posting from 1950?

Cool 👍

My husband and I were living together already. We still wanted to wrap up the festivities early enough to enjoy our wedding night together. I too don’t understand why couples would rather be at a party.

You do you.
They do them.
Everyone's happy with their own choices.
Simples.

I think people who try and police/judge what others do has something going on in their own life they’re not happy about. Do you think your intimacy levels are off in your relationship? Those who are happy and content generally couldn’t give a monkeys what others are up to and just wish them joy and happiness.

Wedding in Galilee partially revolves around this expectation.

OP you are deluded. My grandmothers born in 1920 and 1930 respectively both were pregnant when married. And you'll really clutch your pearls if you Google bedding ceremonies. There is nothing sacred about the wedding night for most people.

Horses for courses.

My husband and I got married in a registrar's and then went in a pub crawl with our close friends from all over. We made sometimes to have a couple hours together in-between before meeting up with all our friends. We have a very healthy happy relationship now without that "sacred time".

At least we have passed the stage of having people in the room to confirm the marriage has been consumated!

I remember when we got married in the early 90s there was the tradition of "going away" it was expected we left early Dhs best man organised a taxi that late mil said was a must. I was so annoyed I didn't know it was a thing and was sat in a taxi at 9 .30! Seething 😂

Dd and sil was there to the end of their wedding enjoying the dancing and their guest good for them,

If a couple wants to stand naked in a field and yodel on their wedding night, that’s entirely their choice.
Why would anyone be bothered?

Wedding night was sacred… a lot of people got to shag for first time donkeys years ago. But most couples live together and it’s just not that sacred I guess because they do it all time. Up t’ thems that just got wed surely.

In Tudor times, the wedding party would escort the happy couple to their bed - literally. This was called the 'bedding ceremony', presumably to prevent (later on) one of the parties denying that consummation of the marriage had occurred.

You never know, since we now have 'after parties', perhaps 'bedding ceremonies' will become a thing again? Oh imagine the MN threads!

Guests*

We also lived together and had children so I don't think we needed any sacred wedding night ! 30 odd years later and this thread has triggered me 😂

Me too.

I'm imagining the couple holding hands and gazing at each other while a choir of angels sing.

Oh, obviously. And the ululating should involve a chant about conceiving sons.

This.

Me too. It’s like something from Ye Olde Medieval Wedding Etiquette. 😂