To think that a couple’s wedding night should be sacred and most importantly, private?

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I’ve always felt that the wedding night - after the vows, after the party, after all the speeches and photos, should be a moment of privacy for the couple. Not necessarily for sex (though for some, yes) but for reflection, intimacy, quiet connection. The start of something new. But I’ve noticed more and more weddings where the couple is so busy entertaining everyone until 2am or 3am or crashing out drunk with friends or doing “wedding night after parties” and it makes me wonder… what are you actually prioritising?

AIBU to think the first night of your marriage should be yours - sacred, calm, private, not diluted by noise, content or a dozen mates in your suite?

(Not pearl-clutching. Just think intimacy gets lost in all the spectacle.)

Quite.

Pretty harmless one though.

OP I think this idea of 'sacredness' is very much linked to when ppl were virgins, even if you think sacred might just mean spending special time together., and not sex. Ppl just want to have a laugh now. Times have changed.

But, quite frankly, the friends you are enjoying the wedding party with are the same friends you normally socialise with and the same ones you will stay up until the wee hours with when you go to mutual friends' weddings.

Same partying with the same people.

The idea of sacred private time is a bit weird and hilarious at the same time.

I’m mid 50s and thr wedding night 20 + years ago didn’t have any mystique whatsoever for me or my friends as far as I know. We’d both had several partners and lived together for years. Not sure when the ‘wedding night’ stopped being a thing. Even our honeymoon was about the 20th time we’d been away together so was hard for that to be ‘sacred’ either.

I got married because it made sense financially and in terms of next of kin rights etc. Nothing sacred about it.

I don't know anyone that left their own wedding early. My aunts didn't either nor did my grandmother and they were all very traditional Catholics who didn't live together before marriage and didn't believe in sex before marriage. As others have said, how many parties do you have where every one you love is gathered together in the same place, especially in country badly affected by emigration? With family travelling from the US and Canada, we partied for days and spent every minute we could with people we might not see again for a couple of years or until the next wedding! Returning to Ireland was so expensive in the 60s and 70s that plenty of people only returned home for weddings and funerals. People have more disposable income now and travel is cheaper but it is still a big cost to go home home for weddings.

why would you wait until after it's too late to finally have sex? What are you trying to hide? 😂

honestly, I think you're being dramatic.

it's lovely you retired to your room early to just spend time alone but for many people it's a celebration of family and friends, it's a party to mark their exciting new state.

And honestly whether you're going to your room to stare meaningfully into each others eyes, for mind blowing sex or for a good sleep, what really matters is every day that comes after.

honestly, I think you're being dramatic.

it's lovely you retired to your room early to just spend time alone but for many people it's a celebration of family and friends, it's a party to mark their exciting new state.

And honestly whether you're going to your room to stare meaningfully into each others eyes, for mind blowing sex or for a good sleep, what really matters is every day that comes after.

honestly, I think you're being dramatic.

it's lovely you retired to your room early to just spend time alone but for many people it's a celebration of family and friends, it's a party to mark their exciting new state.

And honestly whether you're going to your room to stare meaningfully into each others eyes, for mind blowing sex or for a good sleep, what really matters is every day that comes after.

honestly, I think you're being dramatic.

it's lovely you retired to your room early to just spend time alone but for many people it's a celebration of family and friends, it's a party to mark their exciting new state.

And honestly whether you're going to your room to stare meaningfully into each others eyes, for mind blowing sex or for a good sleep, what really matters is every day that comes after.

honestly, I think you're being dramatic.

it's lovely you retired to your room early to just spend time alone but for many people it's a celebration of family and friends, it's a party to mark their exciting new state.

And honestly whether you're going to your room to stare meaningfully into each others eyes, for mind blowing sex or for a good sleep, what really matters is every day that comes after.

'Bring forth male children only, oh wife.'

Sounds great. Can i come to the next one..😀

We partied til the end of the ‘do’, we were staying in the hotel - also some out-of-town friends/rellies were too so we hung w them for breakfast, came home and went for dinner that night w the friends who’d travelled long distance.
Was really nice and felt we’d elongated the celebrations in a low/key way. We went in honeymoon a few days later.
We’d been living together for 6 years!

honestly, I think you're being dramatic.

it's lovely you retired to your room early to just spend time alone but for many people it's a celebration of family and friends, it's a party to mark their exciting new state.

And honestly whether you're going to your room to stare meaningfully into each others eyes, for mind blowing sex or for a good sleep, what really matters is every day that comes after.

My DD is probably going to be the first grandchild up the aisle, her cousins are a little young. She is very smitten with an English lad from a very small family, if it is him she gets hitched to, I do wonder how he is going to handle the boisterousness of a Irish wedding in Cork! But then, I have been to some English weddings that have gotten quite wild, so perhaps he will fit right in!

curious where you are that "most normal" people remain virgins until their wedding night and then rush off to have disappointing "making love" sacred time?
here, most normal people get to know their partners fully before committing to a life together.
know where I'd rather me the "normal one"

Oh this is epic! 🤣

Too steamy! 😛

I completely agree. Gotta try before you buy.

Ummm what? I’d say most couples have done the deed way before the wedding night. Certainly here in the dirty sinful lustful UK where Mumsnet is predominantly based.

Good point!

What's odd is your apparent belief that everyone should prioritise the same thing.

If you don't want to hang out with friends on your wedding night, then don't! Fine by me! Some of my friends have done the afterparty thing (and the first of those was 20 years ago so it's hardly a new trend) and some haven't, and neither way is better.

DP and I will definitely be having an afterparty when we get married, a full all-night rager with as many of our friends as possible. Partying with our friends (a sadly rare occurrence compared to the halcyon days of our 20s) is absolutely the priority over whatever sacred couple thing you think we should be doing (and have almost certainly been doing a lot of for the past decade already).

How can you have a calm and reflective night when you know everybody else is having the party of the decade, for YOUR wedding, organised and paid by you, and you're missing it 😂