To think that a couple’s wedding night should be sacred and most importantly, private?

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I’ve always felt that the wedding night - after the vows, after the party, after all the speeches and photos, should be a moment of privacy for the couple. Not necessarily for sex (though for some, yes) but for reflection, intimacy, quiet connection. The start of something new. But I’ve noticed more and more weddings where the couple is so busy entertaining everyone until 2am or 3am or crashing out drunk with friends or doing “wedding night after parties” and it makes me wonder… what are you actually prioritising?

AIBU to think the first night of your marriage should be yours - sacred, calm, private, not diluted by noise, content or a dozen mates in your suite?

(Not pearl-clutching. Just think intimacy gets lost in all the spectacle.)

Me and my husband partied until 4am and fell asleep on my mam's living room floor on our wedding night.

Nothing wrong with the intimacy in our marriage and we're very good at prioritising eachother so I don't think it did too much damage!

Perhaps she's assuming a taking of virginity ritual.

Seems arbitrary if the relationship is a good one.

There is no “should “.

I mean the OP is being ridiculous and needs to get a grip. A ‘sacred’ wedding night, FFS 🙄

Sacred??? Are you ok OP?

I suspect the OP intended to start a bun fight and won’t be back.

I'm not sure that's actually true. I have lots of bengali friends. None of them lived together before marriage. I didn't actually live with my own husband before I married him which in retrospect was a mistake

Sacred? Would you like to expand on that? What would it ideally involve to meet your high standards?

"Sacred" "Quiet connection". You sound like a priest, rather than someone that has ever actually been in a relationship. It's about what the couple want to do, not what you think they should do.

We had been together for five years, but I still felt the wedding night was special, and we didn't want to be drunk and too tired, so we booked the car to pick us up at 11.30pm to take us to the hotel. No-one else was staying there and we went straight off on our honeymoon the next morning. It was lovely that it was just the two of us. I can't do late nights and need my bed.

Surely that's what the honeymoon is for?

|f you can't party all night on your wedding night, when can you!

Old people and guests you only invited by obligations tend to leave around midnight-ish, then it's just you, your siblings and your friends. So it's entirely up to you, but I would have hated missing the best part of my wedding party!

I go intimacy and quiet connection with DH when you went on our first runs post-weddings 😂, and of course the honeymoon! But my honeymoon was 4 months after the wedding, something to look forward to instead of having everything in one go. Gave us time to send the thank you cards, deal with photos and have a mini-moon 😂

I think they should do whatever feels right for them after the wedding, and I find it quite odd that you even have an opinion on how other couples choose to spend their first night as a married couple - surely this is a classic case of "each to their own"?

We had sex in the shower in our hotel room and set off the fire alarm. Evacuated the entire building. Laughing stock of the entire family and friends at breakfast the next day.

Very sacred and private 🫠

The after-party is the biggest part of an Irish wedding.

I think you should focus on your own marriage and worry less about other people's.

Some couples have lived together for the best part of a decade and may have spent tens of thousands on a really good party with all the people they love most in the world. They are absolutely entitled to enjoy the entirety of the party.

They have the rest of their lives to have sacred evenings of quiet reflection, although that sounds boring af to me and I'm happy to say my husband and I have never felt a need to sit together being calm and reflecting all night in 8 years of marriage.

I feel so sorry and so sad for anyone who is a virgin on their wedding night. It's only sex, so ridiculous to make such a big deal that it needs to be "special" but at the same time it's a very important part of your life (I know it sounds contradictory, but everyone will know what I mean). Wrong expectations, no way would the sex be that mind blowing and more importantly.. what if you are not sexually compatible?

Sexual chemistry can't be forced, it's there or it's not. Imagine if you have the iik on your wedding night and it's too late? Horrible.

HOW do you set off the fire alarm by having sex in the shower?? 😂

Each to their own, but I've had enough of drinking and being with dozens of people after a few hours and would rather be tucked up in bed. At any time, not just on my wedding night. And get up with a clear head the next day.

How did the sex set off the fire alarm? Were you smoking hot??😀

OP, enough with the pious moralising. Virtually everyone’s had ample private time for sex or conversation or meditations about marriage long before they get to the stage of a wedding.

Also, there was absolutely nothing ‘sacred’ about our ten-minute quickie in a register office. No vows, either. We just declared we were free to marry one another and were marrying one another. Then we had a boozy, expensive lunch with our witnesses and went home to get on with our lives. It was lovely. But absolutely secular and in no way requiring private reflection.

My cousin chose to stay up until the early hours drinking whilst his bride went to bed alone. Eventually made his way to bed and threw up in it. I’m surprised she didn’t ask for an annulment.

Trying a new tack with the "judgemental about other people's relationships (with a hint of tradwife)" AI posts?

It can be whatever they want it to be. The wedding is a chance to catch up with friends and relatives they may not have seen for ages, and who they might not see again anytime soon. They have the rest of their lives for intimacy and quiet contemplation.

I saw a documentary once about some weird sect in NZ where the happy couple were expected to leave the reception, go to their allotted room, have sex ( both teenage virgins) and then come back to the party. Poor kids. At least they didn’t have to display the blood stained bedding like in medieval times!

That's what the honeymoon is for! The day is a celebration for you and your loved ones and certainly costs enough that you don't want to exit it early!
My husband and I really reflected over the honeymoon when it was just ourselves with our future unfolding before us.