To think that a couple’s wedding night should be sacred and most importantly, private?

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I’ve always felt that the wedding night - after the vows, after the party, after all the speeches and photos, should be a moment of privacy for the couple. Not necessarily for sex (though for some, yes) but for reflection, intimacy, quiet connection. The start of something new. But I’ve noticed more and more weddings where the couple is so busy entertaining everyone until 2am or 3am or crashing out drunk with friends or doing “wedding night after parties” and it makes me wonder… what are you actually prioritising?

AIBU to think the first night of your marriage should be yours - sacred, calm, private, not diluted by noise, content or a dozen mates in your suite?

(Not pearl-clutching. Just think intimacy gets lost in all the spectacle.)

Lwft the door open, did you 😂
Steam always set mine off

It was an en suite and we left the door between the bathroom and bedroom wide open 🙈 (we were in the bridal suite which was in the attic basically so no risk of anyone seeing anything 🤣) and then spent a very long time in a very hot shower 😳 and the steam set off the alarm.

Everyone evacuated while we stood there like "what the hell do we do", threw towels on us and thankfully just as we were leaving the room, one of the night staff came upstairs to check the situation. He took one look at my dress on the floor, the steam pouring into the hotel room, turned bright red, nodded and said "ok false alarm then" and left 🙈🫠

Ag, OK. That’s disappointing. I thought that poster had some weird fire-related kink and was having sex wearing a smouldering basque or something…😀

I don't think you, or anyone else can tell other people what they 'should' do on their wedding night. That's kind of odd.

Yep 😬

Made worse by the fact that it's a public hotel, so members of the public were evacuated and were also at breakfast the next morning 🙈

Well I think weddings are outdated, attention seeking wastes of money, so I guess the concept of one more bonkers ritual is lost on me.

I thought this was going to be about some new trend on TikTok for videoing your wedding night ahem intimacy.

That wouldn't work for me. I love a good party until whatever o'clock with music and dancing and good vibes and fun people.

If you and your husband want private, good. Have it your way. Stop judging how others do their wedding night.

🤣🤣🤣

haha this, also I am lol at "silently stare into his sacred eyes".

We have plenty of time before and after for sacred shagging.

I think the marital bed should be surrounded by interested adults while the husband deflowers his bride on his wedding night and that the bloodied sheet should be unfurled out of the bedchamber window so everyone knows the bride was a virgin. This is an ancient and sacred ritual in our land.

I am the sort of person that would want to leave and go home at 10pm. I would want to do that even if I didn’t have a new husband to go home with.
I accept that other people are more fun on nights out and like to stay out later. Good for them. I think if they have spent a lot of money, time and effort on their wedding then they may as well enjoy it if that’s what they want to do.
(I do have lots of friends I’m just more of a cup of tea at M and S with a friend than a stay out later).

Sacred? Hilarious. Maybe in the mists of time. Now weddings are an expensive party and lots of people want to enjoy it. Often not by getting pissed but very much making memories celebrating with friends and family.

Agreed. I would also quite like to hire Gordon Ramsey to watch and hurl sexy insults at us whilst we are doing it.

How often is it that you have all your favourite people in one room at the same time (and some you have to put up with)? Friends from various points in your life, relatives from another country.

Also why does it have to be after the speeches at the very end of the day when you’re both tired. You’ve said it’s not about sex. We had a quiet moment together during the photos. We hired a photographer who basically made themselves disappear so we feel into natural conversation and they captured these moments. Other people decide to have these moments at other points throughout the day. But even if they don’t, they have just publicly promised to have these moments until one of them dies.

You do you op.
Are you an orthodox somethng or biblical traditiinalist? Medieval? Check the sheets in the morning?
Why does it bother you?

My husband’s aunty gave me the fabulous advice that my wedding might be the only time in my life that every single person I love would be in the same room at the same time. She was right and I bloody enjoyed every second of it, including the after party and the after after party. We went to bed at 5am 😂

Most normal people do just that - in fact they 'go away' before the reception ends with the guests staying behind. But then again, this is for normal people who date-get engaged-get married and then sleep with each other.

And there should be mass ululating at the crucial moment.

They have spent a lot of money on a party and managed to get all of their favourite people in one place to celebrate them, potentially for the only ever time, so yeah then want to celebrate with their friends and families, that’s normal and absolutely fine. Plenty of people can still have sex or intimacy past 2am as well. What’s a daft thing to try and judge people on

I think that’s a little judgy, we had heaps of family from overseas for our wedding who we hadn’t seen for ages and wanted to make the most of the party with them. We hadn’t seen a honeymoon for all of the things you mentioned and don’t regret it one bit!

I had the 8 years prior to my wedding and now approaching the 8 years after for reflection, intimacy, connection with DH.

My wedding was the only night of my life where every single friend and family member I loved was in one room together. The party was as much about that then DH and my marriage.

The crucial moment being the husband's orgasm because wives don't have orgasms.

Isn’t the honeymoon for that? The couple are away from stresses like work and having to entertain family and friends and can focus on each other and their future.

But it’s not ‘the start of something new’. For the vast majority of couples, it’s the resuming of exactly the same after a shindig.