Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

How do you actually know this stranger was telling the truth?
Could this be a family member of the child you foster?

I think this is fine - but I bet my husband would say it's "weird" too. I think maybe he is underestimating the power and value of female solidarity when you find it - if you think you can support each other, it's worth a bit of weirdness (if that's how it is perceived). If you get your number to her via her workplace, she doesn't have to use it if she doesn't want to. Just don't mention any personal details like being a foster carer to her employer, and don't accidentally make it sound like you had some sort of romantic connection! I'd just say that you exchanged details with someone you met in xx Costa with xx name but lost her number, so you're passing yours on.

Neither can I. So glad its not just me. So unprofessional, potential safeguarding issues in relation to discussing a vulnerable child, everything about it is screaming 'wrong"
What kind of person would even think it was an appropriate place to hold a meeting.

You held a meeting about vulnerable children in a public place ?

I Hope someone reports this

Have you never heard of confidentiality?

In fact, I would recommend you report yourself to your local authority and request training

Do you think your employer would be acting reasonably if they confirmed to a complete stranger that you work for them and agreed to get involved with them in a matter completely unrelated to your employment?

Thankfully, most reputable employers take their responsibility to their employees seriously and would refuse.

Op it would have been better to do the meeting in your car. It’s a massive safeguarding issue that you were in a Costa discussing this and she overheard the whole meeting I wonder who else did.

I think you need to move on. It’s sounding obsessive!

hello pompous! Very few people would report on themselves 😂 even the most ethical!

I think you have misunderstood.

OP is not saying she would ask for confirmation. She would simply ask that HER phone number be passed to anyone at that organisation with that name who might've been in the area that day. I don't think she's suggesting that the organisation confirm whether or not anyone there DOES in fact have that name.

I agree that it would not be reasonable for the employer to confirm that someone with that name did or did not work for them.

No, you’ve misunderstood. Even by taking the number the employer has indirectly confirmed that they do indeed have an employee called X and so on. Which is why so many posters have pointed out they won’t engage at all with the suggestion.

What is the difficulty with understanding this? Why are people encouraging OP in all this?

@OneShyBear Can we talk about why you were carrying out a meeting like that in a public place. You say you had headphones in so no one could hear but everyone can hear what you’re saying! My adult son is known to social care due to his complex disabilities and if I had got wind that his social worker was discussing his needs over a computer in a coffee shop I would be going nuts and make sure you were appropriately disciplined. That’s a huge breach of confidentiality.

@OneShyBear You have no idea who this woman really was. "She said" she was a foster carer. She could have been anyone.

I think thats enough of a pile on and repetitive scolding of OP. I'm sure she's got the message by now.

My thought exactly. It should be confidential!

Do you really think she’s got the message? Pretty much every post op made relates to her “not seeing the issue”.
There appear to be more than one issue she’s blind to.

Honestly, between the horrifically inappropriate choice of venue to discuss a traumatised child’s care, your lack of care of someone else’s personal contact details, your willingness to trust a stranger and your weird need to stalk them through their workplace- i am appalled.

They would presumably say "We cannot confirm if we have a Sophie here or not - we are a big organisation and I would have to check, but we can take your number and will pass it on if there is anyone by that name".

Hey presto.

Do you really think repeatedly haranguing someone who's made it clear they're not going to engage is going to help?

No.
The post I responded to was rather different, though?

You presume incorrectly.

What prevents them from saying that?

And if they don't say that and just say "Sorry - cannot take your number" - has the OP lost anything or done any harm?

Why should the organisation do that? It's not their business to pass on messages to employees who might not even be the person OP is looking for.

If my employer handed me a telephone number and asked me if I was in Costa last week eavesdropping on a confidential meeting, I would think they were acting very inappropriately.

Cannot believe you held a care planning meeting in a coffee shop, where’s the confidentiality for the kids? The mind boggles!