Would I be unreasonable to track someone down through their workplace?

[OneShyBear]

I’m a foster carer to 2 children. I met another foster carer by chance on Friday in a Costa when I was doing a care planning meeting on a zoom on my laptop. She overheard the whole meeting and then told me after that she was also a foster carer too and then we both chatted for over another 2 hours. At the end she wrote her phone number down on a piece of paper and told me to text her and keep in touch. We had worked out that we both had similar issues (with social services and in terms of support needed for our foster children) and similar experiences as foster carers and had worked out that we could both support each other and stay in touch as friends. I’ve lost the piece of paper that she wrote her number down on and I only have her first name and not her surname. During the conversation she did tell me that as well as being a foster carer she also works part time and she told me her workplace/the company (it’s a large/national company/organisation) that she works for too, would I be unreasonable to contact the company/organisation and give them my number and her first name (and the other information that she gave me during the conversation that could help her company identify the right person) and ask if they can track her down internally by any chance and pass on my number to her? Obviously I understand that they wouldn’t be able to give me her details or her number due to data protection but I could ask them to pass my number on to her if they could manage to track her down internally? Would I be unreasonable to do this? I’m happy to do it and I want to do it but my DH doesn’t think I should as he thinks that going through her workplace is “weird”. We both really got along well and genuinely intended to keep in touch (before I lost her number) as friends and we both had very similar experiences as foster carers too.

Agree, supposing she had been a relative of the child, or even worse the person responsible for them being in care.

Agree with all of the above. But what would also concern me is that the telephone number may not have belonged to this woman- could be a newspaper reporter or someone taking an unhealthy interest.

More than likely this woman has herself realised serious boundaries were crossed and regrets getting involved.

She may have reported the incident and be horrified if OP ‘outs’ her by contacting her through her organisation.

You’d never have found support if you hadn’t gone to Costa!

WTAF this is getting more and more ridiculous.

I thought this too!

For the love of all that is holy, please leave this woman alone! You're very lucky she wasn't a. A family member of the vulnerable child, or b. Someone who worked in the care field and planned to report you for breaching confidentiality. The whole "friendly chat" thing could even have been a ruse to get to know who you were so she could report you to the relevant authority.

You're coming across as a massive stalker. I meet great people every day but I don't go around typing their first name into LinkedIn and leaving my number at the shop we met.

Just what I was thinking.

Just a word of caution not to get the other person in difficulty if she was in Costa during work hours - there is a small potential that you might cause her problems. Agree about meetings in public spaces being inappropriate too

You had a care planning meeting in a coffee shop!!!

This. Surely that sort of meeting should be confidential - very casual to do it in a coffee shop where anyone could overhear.

This is utterly inappropriate.

FFS, stop saying "it was a one-off". That doesn't make it ok!

I’m surprised you had a zoom call in a public place where someone else ‘overheard the whole meeting’. I’d be concerned about GDPR myself given the potentially sensitive nature of the meeting.

Your husband knows you much better than than us

So I’m wondering if he thinks it would be “weird” because you have done things in the past that have back fired / others thought weird, and he’s consented that this will just be like that all over again

Yes, OP neatly side stepped that issue

I for one am concerned that this OP has been deemed suitable to foster children given her reckless behaviour relating to sensitive issues.

And the fact the OP’s husband thinks her suggestion would be “weird” would indicate that this is possibly one of a long list of “weird” things the op has done that has back fired

Sorry but data protection.

I’d lose my job if I did that! Being ‘very busy that day’ is no excuse IMO.

Sorry OP but this is totally irresponsible of you. Did the social worker know you were in Costa? If so, they need reminding of data protection and safeguarding too.

You should NEVER have a sensitive conversation about vulnerable people in public. You could have had the meeting in your car, planned your day better, or rescheduled. Having a meeting about kids at risk in a coffee shop is never ok.

Unfortunately there are so few foster carers that standards aren’t as high as you’d hope.

It shouldn't have happened even once. Seriously, I worked as a professional alongside foster carers and we all went to great lengths to ensure confidentiality at all times. Had I done what you'd done I'd have been hauled over the coals. Being in a rush is absolutely no excuse.

I understand your dilemma about missing the meeting. However, you broke data protection rules that could lead you in serious trouble. At least it’s been pointed out and I would just learn from this.

Imagine if the other professionals/ social worker was also joining from a coffee shop! You would rightly be reporting them.

I agree

You also didn't see the issue with having the meeting in a public place.