DH always walks ahead of me. AIBU to refuse to go on walks with him?

[Biffatcrafts]

I'm really am not sure if I am being unreasonable here or not, so please tell me if I am. And I know this is pretty stupid and small in the scale of things, but it's causing tension between my DH and I.

My DH is taller than me by quite a bit (I'm 5'1" and he is 6') so whenever we go for a walk together even if we start out side by side he always seems to stride ahead of me. It gets to the point where I feel like anyone looking at us would think we weren't actually together so great is the distance between us.

It usually gets to the point where I either have to accept that we are effectively walking separately, or I end up having to half jog in an effort to catch up and then keep a really high half jogging pace to stay beside him.

I'm 64, and whilst I am fit and healthy and capable of keeping this pace up, it's not something I want to be doing when on what is supposed to be a relaxing stroll together. (I should add here it also happens if we are just going for a walk around town window shopping, or going shopping too. In fact on any kind of activity which involves walking.)

His reply when I ask him to slow down is that he is simply walking at his normal pace, and that it happens because his legs are so much longer than mine. I can see his point, but I do feel like a little kid running after a parent sometimes.

It's driving me mad, and now I feel like what is the point of going for walks together if he isn't actually going to walk with me? He is super fit, and I do know that if he is on his own he walks very fast (he records his solo walks on Strava and I can see the distances he walks and the pace he maintains).

I've said I am happy to walk a bit faster, but that he needs to walk a bit slower too, and he has tried, but somehow he always seems to speed up and ends up ahead of me again. It's getting to the stage where I've now refused to go for walks with him because I just can't see the point if we end up walking separately. But he is upset about it and feels I am being unfair (and rejecting him) by not wanting to do this activity together.

So am I ...
YANBU to not want to do these walks with him?
YABU - I should just jog on and try and keep up!

Also, do other DHs out there do this too, and if so what have you done / said to resolve it?

I found with the ex who did this responded quite well to dog training techniques.

If you have a dog that pulls on the lead or is in some way a pain in the backside going forward, a way to discourage that is as soon as the unwanted behaviour happens, you turn and walk in the opposite direction.

Only did it twice. He soon worked out that whilst he may have thought it was funny for people to see me trotting behind with the kids/shopping/dog, other people found it much funnier to see him looking confused when he realised we were trailing in his wake.

Love it.

So he left you behind with shopping and kids too? 😮

Don't they all?

It's the standard thing to see when we go back to DP's home village - as you come over the moor, first you see a woman with 2-3 kids shoving a city-type/lightweight buggy laden with bags (and often a couple of bikes), then the dog she's insisted stays on a lead because of the sheep he reckons shouldn't be so stupid as to think a dog wants to eat them, then about 150 yards up the road, you find the Manly Man striding through the wilderness on the wrong side of the road (the left) in his expensive fleece, hat, sunglasses and shorts perfect for the ticks to get him.

By the time you've been in the pub for an hour or so, he's walking in looking all pissed off because he can't buy a drink due to him dumping his keys, cards and phone on her until she catches up.

Yep. Mine does this too, whether out walking or shopping. Drives me mad.

Its nothing to do with height in my opinion..I am 5ft 1 and walk faster than my husband. I have always walked fast. I find it extremely difficult to walk slowly and when my husband asks me to I find it really restrictive. Its just not natural to me. Even when I do match his pace he will then slow even further. He says daft things like how can you see anything when you walk so fast..well I think I average just over 3 miles an hour but I like to walk at 3.5 to 4. So i assure him i dont miss anything. Thats why I prefer to walk on my own. I can see for you its frustrating but for him its equally so. I have no solutions I am only sharing my experience. Good luck with finding a middle ground we haven't

My DH does this. Walks quite far in front of me and he never has a clue where he’s going anyhow. I just make sure I always have the kids, dogs, car keys or tickets with me and if he strays too far it’s his own fault and he can come find me.

It’s weird that he wouldn’t slow down to keep up with you. Says a lot about what he thinks of your company. There are a few online articles about a man pacing ahead of of woman he’s meant to be out with

Tell him you're not longer going on walks with him .... and why!

Just enjoy! Put some audio book on and have a great time

I voted for you're being unreasonable, because you will keep in much better shape jogging after him.😂
My dad was like this. He'd stride off and disappear over the horizon. We all got used to it and my mum kept in incredible shape. At 84 she'd still jog while taking her dog for a walk, even though my dad was at home stricken with PD.
My youngest son is like this as well. He's very much like my dad in many ways. He's had girlfriends complain about him striding off, but that doesn't stop him. I think he's looking for a fast 'n fit girl, so they can run off together. He did make me mad once when we were going into Walmart, through that side door that's not automatic, and it closed on me as I was trying to get through with a full shopping cart. You couldn't see his heels for dust. I'm going to warn his future girlfriends so they don't think he's pissed off at them or something.

My DF will do this when we walk together - but its nothing to do with legs because I am as tall as him. He just does not see why he should wait for anyone to keep up with him, so if I stop to tie a lace, or pick up dog poo, he will go sailing on. Whereas I, well socialized woman that I am, am looking constantly to make sure everyone is ok.

I will tell him to stop. But if he said he couldnt do anything different, I would refuse to walk with him.

But he is upset about it and feels I am being unfair (and rejecting him) by not wanting to do this activity together.
So what does he say when him walking ahead of you all the time makes you feel rejected?

Not sure if it's been suggested but thought I'd add that you need to incorporate sitting into these walks. Either on a bench, a wall, a sturdy tree stump or at a pretty viewpoint. Then have your conversations there. And you don't get to start walking again until you've had a full break from walking. As assuming he'll get there first 😂
I would recommend buying seating pads for this. We use foil ones which fold up small for a pocket or backpack.
I would also get him into things like botany and fungi. Then he'll be stopping every five minutes trying to identify things haha.

My husband and I are in our 70s. He's 6ft 2ins and I'm a foot shorter and in the past he's argued that if he always slows down to my pace, he won't get enough exercise to keep healthy, which is fair enough. What we do now is walk and talk on the outward leg and go at our own different paces on the way back. Gives us both time to enjoy the scenery and I'm usually back at the car about 5 mins at most later than him. A bloke did once ask if we'd had a row though!

My husband so often walks way ahead of me , he is a lot taller .
It is worse when we have our dog with us and I might stop to let dog sniff or toilet .
Husband very rarely stops to even check where I am .
I feel it’s disrespectful, one day I will turn round and go elsewhere, maybe get a taxi or bus home 🥺 or even somewhere else

I’m 5’7 & my husband 6’1, both in our early 60s. I’ve always walked much faster than him even when he was running marathons (he doesn’t run now due to a back issue but is still fit) & I still do. Like others have said if you are a naturally fast walker it’s very hard to slow your pace down just as, for a slower walker, it’s hard to speed up. Consequently most of the time we happily walk on our own.

if you have kids, what did you do about walking when the kids were little?

My OH does this OP and I find it really disrespectful.

My late partner always walked faster than me. He would wait at some point for me to catch up. Didn[t bother me at all!

Nobble him. If you have a toddler, 5 points for every kick to the heel.

DH & I frequently see men striding ahead of their female partners, waiting for them to catch up, then striding on again. We consider these men to be knobheads. Why go for a walk with someone if you’re not going to actually walk with them? And why is it always men?

I am 5ft 3 and my sons are 6ft 1 and 6ft 2. We have established that for everyone of my 6ft 1 son’s strides I take 3 paces. He will look like he’s ambling along and I am literally jogging to keep up. My 6ft 2 son has tried to walk slower but finds it awkward and uncomfortable. Imagine being told you had to shuffle instead of taking your normal stride which is in effect what you’re asking the tall person to do. It is what it is. It doesn’t bother me because they can’t help it. They’re not even walking fast. They just cover more ground with their normal stride.

Some people have commented about kids and what did people do. Well i have 5 and I am a fast Walker. By age 3 all my kids could walk 3km but I did still use a pram from time to time due to their slow pace. And a buggy board. My eldest is now 27 and my youngest 3. All my adult children are fast walkers.

I was taught that this was unbelievably fucking rude and dismissive.

You aren't compatible walkers so you are not unreasonable to not walk together for leisure.