DD and Friend hurt me yet I’m in the wrong?

[FoxPj]

DD had a friend over for a sleepover last night, they are 12. During the course of the night one or both of them wrote a “horror” message on the bathroom mirror which was a shock when I went in and saw it. I went in to speak to them both and DD screamed that I was embarrassing for crying. The friend looked shocked like she’d never seen an adult show emotion before and said they had done it to her mum too who had found it funny. She did apologise but added “it’s only lipstick, it wipes off easy”. DD then stormed out and told DH that I was embarrassing her and DH has taken their side saying it was a harmless prank and I need to lighten up.
Feeling so upset today. I thought DH would at least back me up.

Exactly. I had the impression the op wanted to make her DD feel guilty. That and this talk of being 'hurt' by 12 year olds. I don't know, it's really off behaviour from a parent. Feel bad for the DD.

I can be a dick sometimes but I tend to think about how something would make my kids feel / how it affects them before I react. Its not hard to keep a grip of yourself if you choose to.

Surely if you had that strong reaction would have been to get dh and deal with it privately

i have complex PTSD due to family members being murdered and even I would have seen the funny side to this prank and wouldn’t have jumped to the conclusion that some nut job was in the house. Kindly OP, I think you need to seek help for your nervous disposition.

For those who think this might be fake I do genuinely know people like this.

When I was a teenager I stayed at a friend's house overnight. It was mother's day the next day and it transpired my friend and her brother hadn't got their mum a card or present despite their mum being very overly excited all of the previous day, coming into her bedroom constantly and saying "ooooh it's mother's day tomorrow!... I will just be putting my feet up all day tomorrow because it's MOTHER'S DAY! Etc" which I thought was a bit OTT tbh.

Anyway I felt bad for her but when she found out she screamed at them in the living room "YOU HAVEN'T GOT ME ANYTHING?!" while I was there too, then burst into tears in a dramatic fashion and wailed all the way up the stairs and spent the next 20 mins howling and wailing like a banshee in her bedroom so loudly presumably the whole street could hear. After that my friend's dad awkwardly apologised to me and offered to take me home.

Some people's DMs are nuts so I don't think this thread is a wind up.

I understand your initial reaction; whether or not it was obviously the children/a prank or could have been an intruder depends a lot on where you live and how secure your house is (I don't mean just secure from break-ins, but also people in and out because that of course introduces unknown elements). Now that you know it was the girls, I'd try to stay calm and let them know why you were initially so upset. Don't punish them, if you believe it was an innocent but misguided prank, but let them know why it was upsetting to you and make sure they understand not to do this in the future, in anyone's house. Not sure about your husband - if you think he was genuinely trying to give you some perspective, then OK - but if he is still belittling you for your reaction and your fear then he may be an arsehole not completely understanding your perspective.

You do sound like a bit of a wet lettuce, OP.

maybe chill out and have a couple of glasses of wine tonight, eh?
@FoxPj

I don’t like pranks at all. I don’t find them funny and I think they are purely designed to humiliate the person(s) being pranked.

I think your DH should have had your back in front of your DD and her friend in so far as telling them that pranks, even ones they consider harmless, are not nice and then making sure they cleaned the mirror thoroughly. He should also have been telling your DD that if the bullet of your lipstick has been ruined or a lot of it used for writing the message, then the cost of a replacement will be taken out of any pocket money until it’s paid back.

That said, I do think your reaction was miles over the top and your DH would have been perfectly entitled to pull you up on your overreaction privately. Hopefully something like this won’t happen again and there won’t be any further repercussions for your daughter with her friends/school mates and you can use this incident as a way to build your emotional resilience moving forward.

oh catch yourself on, you CANNOT be serious that you cried at this. Toughen up

Can't believe what I've just read 😅

My mum used to cry and guilt me. It sucks.

Yep. It's awful. Sorry you had it too.

How has a horror film been forced on you? You saw some lipstick on a mirror and didn't understand the reference. How do you cope at Halloween?

Crying was a massive overreaction...but to then confront your daughter and her friend while still crying is absolutely ridiculous behavior.

Your husband is right, the friend will absolutely spread this around school and I wouldn't be surprised if her parents end up doing the same.

What did you expect?

How do you cope in every day life, OP? If REDRUM written on a mirror scares you, how do you manage to navigate the Halloween section of shops? Do you walk with your head down past gardens with skeletons in them? Sit with your eyes closed during the trailers in the cinema, just in case? Never a look at a billboard, Heavens!

Your daughter will now be the laughing stock of her school if her friend goes back and shares. Which she will, because she is 12 and her friends mum did something fucking bizarre.

I'd suggest therapy. If this is even real.

I always think the husband was right to not back the op up. Thay would have compounded the issue. I do not beleive if a parent does something wrong, ridiculous, ott, whatever the other parent has to smack a smile on and tell the child they are wrong and the poorly behaved parent right. Where does that even end.

But surely you realised your mistake before sobbing at dd and her friend and could have calmed down before acting?

I think some of you are overreacting on behalf of the daughter and her friend.

Are you the same poster who was on here a few weeks ago calling your 12 year old dd heartless?

Because she rolled her eyes at the door when you tripped over, and had two grown men half carry you home while weeping dramatically. When you didn't actually require any medical attention at all.

Because I'm getting those vibes from this post.

Really? You can’t imagine having a friend over for a sleep over at 12, writing murder on the mirror for a laugh, and your mum bursting into thr room sobbing and terrified?

because I can. The horror is that,

You sound a bit pathetic and embarrassing OP. Can you not see how YOU would have been embarrassed if your own mother acted as you have.

Holy God, that sounds like one hell of a post!

Get over it. I hate horror movies and don't watch them.

My daughter loves them and tries to scare me at times. I don't go off crying about it. I do tell her "I don't appreciate it" and she apologises and moves on. Very chill.

You are the parent, you need to be able to emotionally regulate over this stuff. It was a harmless prank which you turned into a dramatic scene, in front of her friend who may or may not tell another person which in turn will tell another person which in turn will get back to your DD.

Why would that make you cry exactly? Massive overreaction. I would have been pissed at it being lipstick because it’s a nightmare to clean off glass but I would have just made them clean it. Crying is really odd behaviour and your DH is right, her friend is going to think you’re weird.

And was it a Chanel lipstick, or just MAC?

This is a weird reaction..surely if someone had broken into your house they would be looking for valuables to steal, not writing messages on the mirror.
Is there something particularly triggering about this or would make you think it was a stranger rather than the kids pranking you?