Brother-in-Law’s new baby

[ThatRubyMoose]

My eldest daughter (my husband’s stepdaughter)has a party this afternoon and husband has just announced that while we are at the party he and youngest are going round to his brother’s to meet the new baby.

His sisters will both be there but not with their husbands (but with a takeaway).

Photos will be taken for MiL’s Christmas card.

I am so upset that he doesn’t understand why I want to meet the baby and that yet again my eldest will be excluded.

He, once again has no empathy. Because his sisters’ husbands aren’t there he can’t understand why I am upset.

I am jealous! Have I a right to be.

But people cheat, abuse etc and then you end up with photos you can't put on display, because we don't cut off blood relatives for doing so, but wouldn't upset our child by having a picture of their ex, as numerous threads on here show. I've treated children who've come into the family like grandchildren, to never see them again when their Mothers have moved on. I don't want reminding via photos.

I am being accused of banging on. I have posted about my daughter being excluded twice before. Is there a limit that someone can post about the same issue? No one told me.

Well I turned up at the house after the party to find my own daughter there with BiL’s partner and one SiL and a couple of the other kids. I know my turning up will induce ire on here but I don’t care.

The partner of one of the sisters had dropped in and now the men and a couple of kids had joined him in the local.

The invitation was for everyone but only blood relatives were in photos but a photo of one sister, husband and their kids had been taken and a lovely one of my DH and younger daughter. The other brother-in-law didn’t come.

It was cosy and they were polite to both of us. I rang husband to say I would take youngest so he didn’t have to come back.

I have never ever thought that they deliberately do things to be cruel and my husband is wonderful to my daughter but he looks at me as if I have grown two heads when I am upset by this.

My daughter has no idea how I feel.

Had I been there and suggested my eldest was in that photo both sisters-in-law would have objected probably by taking one then asking her to step out.

Both of my children know that they have different fathers. I am not living in a fantasy land.

Eighteen months ago we all dropped in on our way home unexpectedly as DH wanted to get back something his brother had borrowed for a holiday.

There was a young woman there in her second year of university and SiL introduced her as her half-sister name, my eldest asked what a half sister was, She had never heard the relationship before.

They clearly have no issue with that term whereas I am sensitive about it.

For about three months both of mine used it even introducing each other to play dates and their mothers. DH begged me not to make a thing of it and they stopped naturally.

I don’t think I am of a sensitive disposition per se and I have never suggested that in-laws are rude they are quite the opposite but I would embrace small children and treat her like a grandchild.

OP’s two children are blood relatives though. Why should her elder dd be excluded?

OP your kids should know what a half sister is when they have one. You're not doing them any favours here

Only to each other. Older isn't related to her half sisters family

But she is blood of her sister. Why should she be excluded?

What are you so confused about? There's a difference between being excluded and not being included.
It's a picture of mils grandchildren. She isn't mils grandchild. Do you not follow?

Why did you turn up OP? Were you looking for an argument? It doesn't 'induce ire' I just can't see why you'd do it other than to start a row or to feed your own grievance about this. There was no reason for you to go other than to cause drama.

You’re the only het up about the half sibling thing. The girls had no problem with it.

Your issues are yours surrounding a perfectly normal term. If you didn’t want half sibling children you shouldn’t have created a family that has them.

So leave her dh, break up the family, see youngest only 50:50 now because unrelated step family aren’t doing what op wants?

Because theyre repeatedly leaving her daughter out of their family

It's not a secret it's a surprise for mil. Tbh sounds like a fair plan. Meet the baby another time when your eldest hasn't a party. Sorry I don't see anything wrong with what your dh is doing

By turning up you're just trying to create drama. Again.

You are the only one with a problem with this. They do not and will not see your older daughter as part of their family. There is nothing you can do about this. Accept it and move on.

Or go nuclear and bust up your family over it.

@ThatRubyMoose why do you not like the term 'half-sister'?

She isn't actually related to their family. And they DO include her, just not the level OP demands.

@mumsnet have told me to be nicer with my posts so I will just have to offer you support for your terrible views 💐💐💐

Are you upset about not meeting the baby or your daughter being excluded?!

I’d image you’re upset because your DH doesn’t step up to his family. He could say to his family that his step-daughter is as his own to him and he would be in the photos with both daughters or no photo at all. But he doesn’t, that’s the way he feels and he won’t change and it’s up to you to accept this or be always upset about it

You’ve joined a family that doesn’t share your hang ups when it comes to acknowledging half siblings, and that freely uses the term. You’re not going to be able to prevent either of your children being exposed to it. Your reality may not be your ideal one, but it is nonetheless your reality. You’re not going to be able to change it into the one you wish you had, and you’d be best served coming to terms with that fact.

That your daughters are half siblings doesn’t make their relationship somehow lesser, and it isn’t some shameful thing that must be hidden. By being sensitive and giving it negative connotations you run the risk of passing that complex onto your eldest, which is something that’s unlikely to be helpful to her. It’s not like she doesn’t know that she and her sister don’t share the same parents and paternal family. She does. So don’t teach her that it’s a source of shame.