To not want DH to play video games with our kids in the morning? Or talk to me like this?

[Videooooo]

DH is addicted to video games. He has recently been made redundant from his v well-paid professional job, so he spends half of the day playing PC games. During the work day, in the evening (after the kids have gone to bed), and if he’s up before everybody in the morning. He’s depressed about his job, but the video game addiction isn’t new - he has been since I met him.

He will deprive himself of sleep to play.

He also has ADHD, as does one of our children.

I hate video games. I think they’re a waste of a life. So I know I come at this in a not-sympathetic light.

We have two DSs (age 8 and 11) and they are allowed to play games on Mondays and Wednesday nights. These are their “game night” (weekends too awkward as it got in the way of plans).DS (age 8) also has ADHD and is obsessed with games. He talks about nothing else. He begs and begs for screen time. He spends his time trying to manufacture situations where he gets it. (He also gets an hour of TV a day that usually turns into longer as we often watch the Traitors etc together in the evening as well).

DH enjoys playing PC games while our kids watch him. Everyone knows I hate this. DH refuses to stop doing it.

This morning, they got up at 7:30am and went down to play and then, at 9am, I said several times (at first nicely) “time to stop now”.

Eventually, they stopped. Then DS (age 8) had a fit about going to football for his usual 10am class. Refused to go; threw things around, and I said “this is made worse by morning gaming”. And DH called me “fucking pious” and told me I was “ruining the morning” IN FRONT OF our children.

DS (8) does whine about football every single weekend and then loves it when he’s there.

But AIBU that video games in the morning are bad for them?

I know I’m not being unreasonable that he shouldn’t have spoken to me like that in front of the children. I know he’ll apologise later and I know it’s because he’s upset about work and feeling guilty for constantly gaming. But it makes me hate him.

Yes. Reading encourages creativity and imagination.

A man with a video game addiction would give me a massive ick. You are now going to let your child grow up thinking that’s ok. Sit down with your DH and make it clear when they can and can’t play. I feel exactly the same. My son loves the PlayStation and screen time but it was getting too much so he has half an hour tv before school and then PlayStation for half an hour when he gets home from school as he has other activities 5 times a week so I am fine with this. Weekends can be a bit longer but I do have to say stop! You are totally correct! Especially if he ha ADHD, it’s not great for their brains!

Do some research on how back screen time is for kids … but hey, 👋🏼 if you’re happy with it that’s up to you!
Always the ones that use it as a baby sitter that argue about how great it is until they are blue in the face!!

The OP doesn’t want it either …

I remember me and my siblings basically spent an entire school summer holidays playing King's Quest and The Sims on the PC or watching another sibling play the sims or king's quest. If we weren't doing that we were watching TV. Our mum was at work. We came out of it totally unscathed and normal well adjusted adults.

I get it annoys you but that's obviously how they prefer to spend their down time at the weekend.

People used to think reading novels was bad in much the same way they now disapprove of screens.

e.g.

Knox's Essays Moral and Literary, Volume II, contains Essay XVIII "On Novel Reading", which begins "If it is true, that the present age is more corrupt than the preceding, the great multiplication of Novels probably contributes to its degeneracy."[12] He considered that contact with Gil Blas or Devil Upon Two Sticks, picaresque novels by Alain-René Lesage, could cause a schoolboy to lose the taste for Latin classics.[13]

Fair point but I still think gaming is often a monumental waste of time. Also addictive in a way that novels are not.

Interesting to see historical views.
The quality of what a child is reading does matter, reading varied texts by different authors, challenging vocabulary as they get older etc. But generally, instilling a love of reading at a young age is one of the single best things you can do for your child's development, it is undisputed.
Reading for pleasure is one of the strongest indicators of future success, cognitive development and also linked to improved mental health and improved empathy.
Heavy gaming is associated with lower reading scores and shorter attention spans and is addictive. I know what I'd rather my child did!
Yes you can enjoy computer games in moderation, but many children struggle with that, especially those with ADHD.

https://literacytrust.org.uk/information/what-is-literacy/video-games-and-literacy/

Staring at rectangles of paper isn t known to trigger dopamine release

There can be some benefits to games of course there can. And for children who otherwise wouldn't be reading, it is better than nothing. It can also provide a bridge to encourage children to read. But there is just no comparison between reading text on games and reading books with complex characters and plots and developing advanced vocabulary, there really isn't.
And any advantages of video games (which of course there are some) are totally eradicated if a child becomes over stimulated, addicted, or loses pleasure in everything else. As I said in my previous post, moderation is key, but a lot of children struggle with moderation, especially those with ADHD who find the dopamine hit highly addictive.
Excessive gaming, as I put in my previous post, is linked to mental health risks, physical and academic risks. Interestingly I've never heard the same for excessive book reading.

So does Minecraft

What an awful situation-. I agree, it's a waste of life. And first thing in the morning? Crikey.

My DD used to play that. I think the problem lies when gaming becomes all consuming and people behave badly on the back of that obsession.

Dad is present, and they’re doing things together.

Mum: NOOooooOOOOoooooOOO 😡

That’s the same for literally anything.

Her: ”NO GAMING. Go outside, do sports”

Her later: “WAAAH HE SPENDS ALL HIS TIME CYCLING, PLAYING GOLF AND FOOTBALL” 😡

That’s a bit pathetic and woman blaming. The word I used was obsession and yes, an obsession with cycling or football can be annoying as I said before, if people behave badly on the back of that obsession.
Surely the answer is reason and moderation?

Found OPs husband.

I'm trying to think where I've heard your username before. The best I can come up with is what the prisoner in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom repeats over and over as he is lowered into the fire pit. Is that it?