MIL crying over this?

[Jinglealltheway123]

My 3 yo daughter (after being tickled by my MIL, whom I asked her to stop) declared “hmph! I dont like you!” to her Grandmother after she finally stopped tickling her. In response to this my MIL burst into tears, and ran into her bedroom…I told my 3yo that wasn’t a very nice thing to say and to apologies to her GM but really I feel this reaction was totally, totally unacceptable. This is not the first time she has acted this way in front of me or my children. AIBU to have a conversation with MIL about it? Is it my 3yo?? She says it to me when she doesnt get her own way and I juat say “oh dear” 😅

Your MIL is being very immature. Children don't have a filter and it's up to adults to handle this. I would limit time spent with her as she doesn't have boundaries. Why is she tickling a child that doesn't like it? There are better ways to develop a bond. Perhaps you should only meet up at places where your child can play eg the park or soft play. Then they could interact appropriately and MIL could watch how other adults treat children nowadays with bodily autonomy and respect.

I wouldn’t like somebody if I told them to stop touching me and they continued either.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to your MIL to talk to her about this, but I do think you're being unreasonable to say her reaction was unacceptable.

Perhaps she has some issues going on that make her more vulnerable or her emotions closer to the fore at the moment. I'd be worried something was going on under the surface and would try to help her or at least listen.

Is your mil three as well

Yes that's not a normal reaction to a 3 year old. Id maybe ask your husband to talk to her instead of you though just incase she had anything else going on.

I’d wonder if MIL had something going on in her life that was causing her upset - health problems or marriage issues etc. Because this on its own shouldn’t make any adult cry

I'd want to know why she has such a strong reaction to something a 3 year old has said. She also needs a sharp lesson in boundaries, i know things were different when we were kids but she needs to be told that if your dd says stop, she needs to stop. It was bloody awful being forced to hug, kiss and be tickled by relatives.

She does have some very obvious self esteem issues and has fallen out with many people because of it (making false accusations, assuming the worse, being very negative etc..)

That’s not normal from mil. But since you say this isn’t the first time she’s likely used to using crying as manipulation.

She was asked to stop as the child didn’t like it. I’m not sure what she expected. I don’t tend to like people who do things to me I don’t like.

Mil is being a tit

long gone hopefully are the days that kids are forced to be tickled while they shout NO and the adult thinks they are funny but actually they are violating bodies -

give her a hard stare, and let her cry / whinge -
her Behaviour is manipulative / histrionic - I would have no patience with that !!!

I wouldn’t get a three year old to apologise for that. Maybe teach a better phrase for if there is a next time. I tell mine they can use their big loud voice to say ‘stop I don’t like it’ if someone is touching them without permission.

The adult in the situation needs to recognise they got it wrong and upset a child, who has clearly expressed this upset in the way they know how.

Did she act like this when your DH was going? If so, I'd say it is emotional manipulation to get her own way.

Regardless of what is going on (and I think your DH should discuss if her reaction is otherwise unusual to her normal modus operandi), I would have calm words about tickling and ignoring a child's boundaries. Your 3yo was being very good using words to request a stop rather than lashing out, so don't let MIL undo that good work. Your child shouldn't apologise for expressing their feelings after being ignored and frankly treated badly.

Quite. Really simple. Your MIL needs to get a grip. Maybe listen to her grandchild.

I wouldn’t ask your child to apologise. I’d tell anyone who wouldn’t stop tickling me that I don’t like them as well and I’m nearly 40.
Mil should be apologising to her!

The pressure on your daughter and the emotional damage that will be done by making her feel responsible for the feelings of an adult cannot be stressed strongly enough. Especially when it is done when your daughter’s boundaries, feelings and wishes are being ignored. This is a big problem and needs to be addressed immediately.

Agree with PP who suggested MIL might have other stuff going on that's making her a bit sensitive. Perhaps have a gentle conversation with her (concealing your actual feelings!) explaining that it's something your DD says, not to be taken seriously, and that you hope she (MIL) is OK.

And your daughter should not be made to apologise. It's on MIL to reflect.

All of this. It's really important.

Your MIL is ridiculous. Surely she knows what children are like? And she should keep her hands to herself.

I’d be furious with her, to be honest. Your little girl’s boundaries around her own body need to be respected, so if she doesn’t like tickling that’s the end of the conversation. You asked her to stop and she kept on at it, completely trampling on that boundary, and then has the nerve to act the victim when your little girl expresses herself. There’s no way I’d have ticked her off for what she said, nor would I make her apologise.

By all means find out what’s going on in MIL’s head that’s making her think she can behave like this, of course. But she’s not owed an apology.

You need to talk to your MIL about body autonomy and boundaries.

The tickling needs to stop. Did you know tickling can stimulate nerves that signal pain and cause the fight or flight response? Laughing can be a reflex response to being tickled, not enjoyment.

Your MIL is being unreasonable in doing something to your kid she didn't like and when she said something, MIL overreacted. I'd keep an eye on both the doing things to your kid she doesn't like and the possibly using crying to manipulate. Don't make your kid apologize for reacting to physical contact she didn't like.

Your daughter asked her to stop tickling her, why didn't she stop? I would be fuming with mil. She is a child not a toy ffs respect her request. Maybe it is time for a chat with mil about consent!

This is absolutely spot on. We’re socialised to prioritise the wants of others over our own needs from a very young age. Dear old gran is out of order.

I guess she was probably embarrassed and if she has self esteem issues anyway, it’d make it worse but for fucks sake, what a flannel. Maybe don’t keep physically keeping on with a child when they’ve asked you to stop? Pretty simple I’d say.

She's 3. Make sure she doesn't feel responsible for her GM's ridiculous behaviour.