MIL crying over this?

[Jinglealltheway123]

My 3 yo daughter (after being tickled by my MIL, whom I asked her to stop) declared “hmph! I dont like you!” to her Grandmother after she finally stopped tickling her. In response to this my MIL burst into tears, and ran into her bedroom…I told my 3yo that wasn’t a very nice thing to say and to apologies to her GM but really I feel this reaction was totally, totally unacceptable. This is not the first time she has acted this way in front of me or my children. AIBU to have a conversation with MIL about it? Is it my 3yo?? She says it to me when she doesnt get her own way and I juat say “oh dear” 😅

This is exactly what I think.

Going on this, are you sure she didn't burst into tears because you told her to stop tickling your daughter? And then your daughter verbalised just how much she doesn't like it?

She sounds highly reactive to the most inane things tbh, and obviously doesn't like being told 'no'!

Maybe your MIL can't control her emotions and there could be all kinds of reasons for that so I would let it go.

However I wouldn't have made your 3 yo apologise either. She said it because her grandma wouldn't stop tickling her when she asked. If someome did that to me I would tell them to fuck off and not just say I didn't like them! You should speak to your MIL about stopping when asked - or stop her sooner. Your daughter needs to know she can tell someone to stop touching her and they will (and if not you will make sure of it). Teasing or tickling is only fun if both parties are happy with it.

Picking up on a point some pps have made, I have autism and adhd and I am very rejection sensitive however, running and crying because either, I was told to stop tickling a kid or because that 3 year old said she hated me, is nutty. She needs to develop a thicker skin or develop some perspective. Any which way you swing it this is a MIL issue and is not the fault of op or her dd.

This. MIL needed to apologise and mean it and not run off crying

I’m not sure why anyone needs to make excuses. Mil was asked to stop, and didn’t. Being tickled when you don’t like it is not nice.
Another time maybe she’ll do as she’s asked.
Of course it’s upsetting to have a small Gdc say they don’t like you, but I can’t really blame the 3 yo here.

I have an inlaw like this, it’s escalated police are involved and there’s children she’s not allowed to see anymore due to false allegations of abuse.

Appeasement never works.

And you forced your child to apologise to this dreadful woman.
Just awful.
Your poor little one.

She sounds like my mum….. who has dementia. @Jinglealltheway123 is this behaviour new or has she always been like that? My mum has had a complete personality transplant, it changed very quickly and her memory also declined at the same speed. She’s a similar age too.
If that’s definitely not the case with your MIL then I agree it’s crazy. It's nice to see that you’re going to apologise to your daughter for making her apologise; no one should ever apologise for not wanting to be touched. I have ND family members so I’ve always been quite big on never apologising for not wanting to be touched/hug/kiss etc. I’m from a culture where people kiss each other as a greeting and I’ve offended a lot of people but it’s all of our right to choose who by and when we are touched in any way, shape or form.

I think your mother in law should get a grip honestly. My son has sensory issues and doesn't like being hugged by anyone other than me. if someone continued to touch him ie; hug my son when he asked them not to I would be upset. My dad learned the hard way when my son threw my phone at my dads head. Also a 3 year old most likely doesnt have the vocabulary to speak to her gran about why it bothers her. I also don't agree that the child should have to apologise for speaking to her like that. Granny overstepped. Take her aside and ask her to respect your daughter's autonomy in future. What is funny to granny isnt necessarily funny to your daughter

Idk it sounds like she's either mental or manipulative. Just tell her to not take it personally and maybe ask her what's really going on in her life? Because that's just odd af.

I think your MIL is overreacting. 3 year olds have no filter so can't think before they speak. Also just because she is 3 doesn't mean her GM can tickle her so much it upsets her. I always taught my son that it's his body and if he doesn't want any interaction he can say no. My stepmother always thinks she can overstep that boundary to the point where my son whose now 5 says that he doesn't like her and even though I tell him to be kind I think it's a valid thing to say because my stepmother can't take no for an answer so I dont think your being unreasonable at all.

Thank you for all your replys. Just out of curiosity what does ND stand for?

I actually agree with you. Tickling a child until they are so distressed is actually pretty disgusting

Did you not read that she does things like this. Let her sulk op. And don’t get your child to apologise about her boundaries being disrespected. Don’t appease people who behave like this by running after them, she’s the oldest of the lot and should know better

Your MIL needs to stop when your child tells her to. To me thats the bigger issue

Nero diverse. things like adhd, autism etc

Adults should not touch children in this way if they clearly dislike it. It's tantamount to bullying. Don't let her. She sounds more of a child than your 3 year old.

Sometimes the child is unable to say stop. I know this from experience. I think she did well to say what she said.

Ah thank you

Actually it's "neuro diverse," not nero diverse. That wouldn't make sense.

My phone caught me out and auto corrected me too late to edit it now haha 🫣😅

Exactly! It teaches kids to tolerate things that they shouldn't and means that they are less likely to tell you if serious abuse is happening.

That's a strange reaction from a mature woman. A child needs a bit of guidance about what not to say, but, really - crying? Is your MIL "on the spectrum"? The response reminds me of a child with neurodiverse personality who overreacts to simple things. Similarly, her persisting to tickle when she's been asked to stop.

She is an older lady bit I have never considered her to be a mature person. She may well be neuro diverse with no official diagnosis