MIL crying over this?

[Jinglealltheway123]

My 3 yo daughter (after being tickled by my MIL, whom I asked her to stop) declared “hmph! I dont like you!” to her Grandmother after she finally stopped tickling her. In response to this my MIL burst into tears, and ran into her bedroom…I told my 3yo that wasn’t a very nice thing to say and to apologies to her GM but really I feel this reaction was totally, totally unacceptable. This is not the first time she has acted this way in front of me or my children. AIBU to have a conversation with MIL about it? Is it my 3yo?? She says it to me when she doesnt get her own way and I juat say “oh dear” 😅

It’s a normal thing for a 3yo to say. They don’t have the rational brain or sophisticated enough language development to say “I don’t like how you just behaved”, all they’re capable of is “I don’t like you”.

Just explain this to your MIL, say that she should’ve stopped the tickling when asked and that it’s an overreaction on her part when she should be able to recognise what your child actually meant when they’re only 3.

Were you asking MIL to stop or was DD?

If it was you telling her, I think this is a good opportunity to teach DD that if she doesn't like what someone is doing she can tell them to stop. My 3yo says 'no thank you, don't do that' which gets the point across. It is a fairly recent thing though.

Your MIL crying is a complete overreaction, but if you're already aware she has self esteem issues then it doesn't sound out of character. I think you just need to reassure DD that she's not done anything wrong, but teach her the right words to use in this scenario.

FWIW I hate and always have hated being tickled.

If someone did this to me I wouldn't like them either and I would say it! Apologise to your daughter and put your foot down with your Mil. If she can't treat your daughter with appropriate respect and good manners, then she doesn't get to see your daughter.

My son as a young boy used to scream “NO MEANS NO” in an adults face if they attempted to continue tickling him. It would genuinely shock them and take them back. It was very effective and showed adults how inappropriate they were actually being.

Teach your DD to use her voice, that her voice is allowed to be commanding in respect to her own body and that others do have to listen to her.

Your MIL needs it made clear she cannot play the victim. No one cares that she is crying, she was inappropriate and received a valid response to her own bad behaviour.

If your child was asking MIL to stop the tickling and she carried on, I don't think your child should've been made to apologise - that's effectively saying that you can let adults touch you in ways that you don't want, and if you object to it, you're in the wrong. Our kids love being tickled, but as soon as they shout stop (even in jest), we stop.

MIL can cry all she likes - she sounds like a manipulative nightmare. I'd keep repeating very calmly and neutrally "I'm sorry you are upset - but my child is 3, and I do feel you were in the wrong here" - and try to distance yourself as far as possible.

YANBU. Your MIL is being ridiculous, dramatic and very immature. All three year olds say that. And tickling isn’t fun-I used to HATE being tickled as a child. I remember it now. It felt like an assault.

I remember my three-year-old niece telling me that she hated me as I wasn’t letting her go outside stark naked in the middle of winter.

‘Lovely, even if you hate me you still cannot go out Christmas shopping naked’.

My youngest says that me when he’s in a strop and I always just reply and say ‘well that’s a shame because I really love you’ 😂
He said it to my mum once when she wouldn’t let him do something at about your daughters age, I did wonder what she’d reply, she can be a bit tough love and old school so I did wonder if her reply would be ‘well I don’t like you either’ 🙈
To be fair it was more moderated then I had expected/remembered from my old childhood because she said ‘well I don’t like the way you’re behaving now’
I can’t imagine her crying in the bathroom over being told that by a 3 year old so it is unusual. As someone else has said you shouldn’t have made your DD apologise, your MIL was told to stop tickling her and she didn’t, you don’t want to rear a child as a people pleaser who is worried about hurting peoples feelings if they are trampling over their boundaries.

😆

This is seriously manipulative behaviour from
your MIL and I wouldn't be allowing it to continue.

Did she do the same thing to your DH when he was a child? It’s abusive.

Re your 3yo. I would help them find other ways to express their feelings “I don’t like you” (to someone you do like) isn’t helpful. “I don’t like it when you do xyz” is more helpful all round. It will help in her interactions with other children too.

GM should be apologising for continuing to tickle when asked not to.

What do you & the kids get out of seeing her?

Personally I think your 3 year old is less of a child than MIL!

I just CBA with this childish, attention seeking behaviour. I would avoid seeing her if it was me, life’s too short, but in the event I had to, would probably ignore it and maybe say something out of ear-shot of my child (like ‘grow up you’re the adult here’, lol, or something.)

That seems like a massive overreaction. What is MIL generally like? Is she usually this emotional?

Is she is good health?

It's not normal behaviour. I'd be concerned about the mental health of an adult who responds like this. You know your MIL and we don't, but unless she is well known as an attention seeking drama queen, I think some one should make sure she is OK.

EXACTLY!!! Your mil is the one in the wrong and knows that but by crying is trying to manipulate everyone around her!! DONT let her!! Just leave her to cry and go home and when you speak to her next day to her quite clearly DD told you to stop and you didn’t! That is why she was upset

I think you’re being unreasonable in even wondering if it’s your 3yo.
At any age - 3, 33 or 93, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to ask someone to stop touching you if you’re not enjoying it and to express discontent, or convey that you dislike the person if they continue touching you after you’ve asked them to stop. Don’t entertain any of MIL’s drama

I really hate being tickled and I am sure I was "over tickled" by adults as a child.

Good on your DD for asserting her boundaries - support this.

Adults really need to listen a bit more. Tickling is fairly traumatic for some people. I seriously detest it.

Your MIL is a dick.

Good god my grandmother used to pull this kind of shit and it still affects me today. It affects everyone in the family. She's 84 and she's still a manipulative twat!

Tell to stop being a wet lettuce. Bloody ridiculous.

Your mil is absolutely bonkers. It is good your daughter set boundaries. I had a very similar thing with my niece who is 3 when I asked if I could have a hug ‘she said no I don’t like you.’ And I replied ‘ahhh that’s okay, maybe one day a high five.’ Got a hug next time I saw her. 3 year
olds are 3 year olds. The fact that she told your mil to stop and she didn’t is completely out of order. Running off crying is utterly ridiculous.

I actually think you were very much in the wrong.

Nevermind your mother in law - you should have supported your daughter here.

I'm not saying we should always support whatever toddlers want to say, but at a very young age, you are socialising and very clearly teaching your daughter that asserting reasonable boundaries and expressing valid feelings in her basic language is 'not nice'.

And we wonder why women grow up always feeling like they have to be nice, having to appease other people despite those other people making them feel uncomfortable.

Yep. This was just a toddler way of saying 'I think you're a knob and the tickling thing really pissed me off'.

Do not make DD apologise. Why didn't an adult tell MIL to stop when dd was telling her to and she was ignoring her?

Sounds like she could be menopausal. Some of my reactions are completely potty lately, and my mental health is in the toilet. Had my bloods done and I'm in peri.