MIL crying over this?

[Jinglealltheway123]

My 3 yo daughter (after being tickled by my MIL, whom I asked her to stop) declared “hmph! I dont like you!” to her Grandmother after she finally stopped tickling her. In response to this my MIL burst into tears, and ran into her bedroom…I told my 3yo that wasn’t a very nice thing to say and to apologies to her GM but really I feel this reaction was totally, totally unacceptable. This is not the first time she has acted this way in front of me or my children. AIBU to have a conversation with MIL about it? Is it my 3yo?? She says it to me when she doesnt get her own way and I juat say “oh dear” 😅

This ☝️ 💯 👏

Your child used her words effectively.
She was made uncomfortable and told her nan in her own way. 👊 💥 👍

Do not make your child apologise next time for laying her own boundaries.
She is NOT there to suck it up, so that your tit of a MIL feels comfortable.
No means NO.
Far too many young girls over the years, have been trained to sacrifice their comfort and boundaries, in order to keep the peace /make others feel comfortable Instead.
👎 ❌️ 🙅‍♀️

You are showing your child what is and isn't acceptable. That doesn't mean good old granny can be a contrary manipulator and get her own way. Then if she doesn't, she then sulks or activates the tears 🙄

You owe your child an apology.
Mil needs to grow up or piss off.

One of my grandmothers used to tickle me and I HATED it. Solidarity with your daughter! I wish I’d had the courage to challenge my grandmother. Can’t stand tickling, I find it a manipulative way to make someone laugh, when the laughter is in fact a reflex response.

keeping the peace I suppose. If we didnt see her we would get peace and quiet and they would not have ti witness someone demonstrating to them how NOT to behave, it worries me that they will pick up on some of her childish ways and think it is normal.

She is a highly reactive person and nothing is ever straight forward and positive with her.

She really does need some proper therapy!

69 is pretty late for the menopause

I think she is out the other end re menopause at 69, i could be wrong though! I remember her telling me she needed a foil fitted due to menopause in her 50s.

*coil even not a foil 😂

Low contact, until she can learn to behave a bit more maturely than your 3 year old. 🤔

Bravo to your DD for speaking up for herself 👏

3 year olds do not have a wide or nuanced vocabulary / emotional fluency to be able to express themselves in any other way. "I don't like you" is means I don't like what you are doing right at this moment". And absolutely fair enough.

I would tell this to your MIL in a direct way, and tell her that your dd has a right to say if she wants tickling to stop.

What is your DH's role in all this?

I wouldn't pander to MIL's drama, but would be calm, factual, polite and direct.

Well she sounds like she needs clinical help

I honestly don't know why you shamed your child over it.

She's using tears as a control method. Crying to get a three year old to feel bad for acting like a normal 3 year old and using her 3 year old language to communicate she didn't like something. It's quite pathetic and I'm not sure it's always a self esteem issue rather a narcissistic trait.

My mum cam be a bit like that where she says oh he's gone off me in a childish tone if my son doesn't want to go to her. Or says oh has mummy been cruel to you if he cries etc.

She once put a hot coffee in front of him at a cafe when she visited us when he was a baby and before I could react he put his fist in. While I consoled him she spent the whole time lip wobbling and saying she's going home, she's going home early, she's going to look a train times and go home, wanting me to say effusively oh no please stay it's not your fault etc . I'd already said its fine it was an accident but because she needed her adult feelings massaged more she went on distracting ne from by scalded baby til I snapped and said you're not helping why are you making it about you??

Sound similar to your mil, she made a mistake by not listening to her granddaughter not wanting to be tickled, had a consequence and to divert from it had a mini meltdown.

To add my mum also is very negative and will assume everyone else is having a better time than her or seeing people in family more, and even though she's the link to alot of arguments or negative interactions doesn't see it that way, she feels more like people pick on her or gang up on her. When they wouldn't dare as she can have a right temper!

Hmmm I think she might have some ND at play here. My MIL is the same, down to the crying at toddlers saying no, and she is beyond doubt ASD or ADHD (DH and DS1 are also).

NO way would my little kid be apologising, but then kids say the same to their parents sometimes, it's just much of nothing.
Mil needs to know no / stop it means just that and not need you as a parent to intervene and tell her the same.
The tears can jog off, I have no time for drama crying, my mum invented performance crying, the kids knew she was doing it for effect, they weren't stupid. I used to ignore and she finally learnt how to behave and not do it.🙄

Perhaps your 3yr old could be asked to say "stop please" when she doesn't like something?

Well she probably didn't like her GM at the time she said it!

She shouldn't have had to apologise.

No wonder your MIL turns on the waterworks/dramatics if it gets people pandering to her!

You should praise your child for standing up for herself. No-one should touch you without permission, relative or not.

It's a massive projection to say MIL was manipulating. There's zero evidence for this. You've said it because she's MIL.

Why did she have to apologise? You MIL upset your daughter, she should be the one apologising.

This sounds like my mil op. Dh and I have bent over backwards and let a lot of stuff slide so that she can have a good relationship with her only grandchildren. I was always straightforward with the kids to treat her with respect and kindness and that is was ok to push back on her when she overstepped their boundaries. She cried a lot was overly dramatic and could be bullying towards them. Over the years it hasn’t been possible sadly to sustain a relationship aside from cards and presents twice a year. The kids are ok with this they are quite wise and came to their own conclusion. Me and dh know we tried and didn’t have an agenda by trying to influence the kids against her because despite knowing what she is like we genuinely wanted to try and for it to be different with grandkids than with her own children. In short our consciences are clear.

I find this really triggering. I had a relatuve who wouldn't stop tickling me even though I'd be screaming at them to stop.
Unfortunately, in my case they used this boundary ignoring to abuse me.

I taught my ds to say “No thank you Grandad” when he did the tickling or tried to wind ds up. Obviously We told him to stop too and thankfully he eventually learnt to not do it.

What a weirdo ( MIL).

Your child is brilliant and protecting themselves…this is not an instant to blunt..if you don’t like an uncomfortable touch speaking up is 100% right ♥️ try to let GP know this is a good thing and all she needed to say was sorry and made a joke of saying forgive me and it would have ended in happy giggles

I remember being tickled by relatives and parent's friends when I was a child. I hated it - it felt so invasive - but was never able to say so because I was too busy squirming trying to get away, and because I was brought up to never be confrontational (which had a lasting impact). So, good on your daughter for expressing herself even if it wasn't the best phrase (but at that age, you can't expect much else) and tell your MIL to stop.

The bursting into tears and running away sounds very immature, and gives me the impression that there's more going on than just your DD being a bit rude. Sounds like she needs a proper conversation about why she reacted this way (past skeletons?) and you need to give a clear boundaries about what she can and can't do. You might want to ask your DD what she is happy with (but obvs in terms that are age appropriate).