Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

I wouldn't have put it in a work raffle, when I knew the colleague, who gave it to me, would likely see it tbh.

I'm all for passing on gifts if you dont like them but it was pretty foolish / insensitive to pass it on to somewhere where your colleague would see it. Thats the equivalent of saying "you bought crap. I don't want it so I'm getting rid if it". You might think that but you don't need to tell your colleague that.

This is why I refuse to take part in secret Santa. In theory it’s fun - and I will do it with friends - but for work colleagues it just generates too much bad feeling and waste!

Donating the candle was a perfectly normal thing to do. Your colleague is being ridiculous.

You gave the candle to a raffle at the workplace where someone gave it to you?
That is pretty rude in my book. A good way to make the person who gave it to you feel small. Give it to an entirely different charity shop if you don’t want it.

Regifting is fine, I would have probably avoided putting it back into the same raffle a year later. I feel like candles lose their smell over time but that might just be in my head....

It’s a bit OTT bringing it up in that way. But also foolish to ‘regift’ something at the same place you received it.

i think it’s absolutely fine to pass on gifts, but not to back into the work raffle where you got it from 🤦‍♀️

Slightly tactless but your colleague is being ridiculous to take it so badly.

did you actually keep it for a whole year, with the express purpose of giving it back at work?

i can see why she’s upset.

Personally I wouldn't have the energy to be upset over a secret Santa candle! Some people have little resilience. They are being UR.

Hoping this is a reverse…

Deeply insensitive to put it back into a raffle when a person at work bought it for you.

You shouldn’t have regifted it to the work raffle. That was quite thoughtless and mean spirited of you.

you were very tactless
you had a whole year to drop off at a charity shop

I’m not sure why people think it was mean spirited. I received something I had no need for and for personal reasons did not want, thought ‘oh that saves me spending money for next years raffle - someone else can have it, they might get some use from it,’ shoved it into my locker at work, and just re-used it. If the reverse had happened I probably wouldn’t even have noticed and if I had I wouldn’t have cared. I really don’t think it’s that deep, it’s a candle…

And the question wasn’t ‘WIBU to have done this’ it was ‘were they unreasonable to have raised it in a 1-2-1’, which I still think they were. How can re-gifting a candle damage someone’s motivation?!

No you are totally unreasonable and very rude.

Sorry op but you have been insensitive, both in putting the gift in the workplace raffle, and in your reaction to the colleague now.

she has brought it up in a one to one conversation and explained how it has made her feel, and yet you are still dismissing her feelings.

you may not feel the same way, but can’t you listen to her and feel some empathy?

If concerned about the environmental impact of burning it, why not throw away? A bit thoughtless putting it in the raffle tbh.

Agreed. This was a bit obvious, and rather pointed, given you've hung onto it for a year and could have done any number of things with it between now and then.

Fine for her to have brought it up, regifting a present so the person who gave it to you sees it is unbelievably rude. You should apologise! Can’t believe you can’t see it was a rubbish thing to do

She isn't being unreasonable. You showed her you didn't care about how your actions might make her feel, and I think it was fair for her to tell you it bothered her.

Another ‘AIBU?’
The majority say yes.
The OP dislikes being told they might be wrong. They were probably looking forward to the internet belittling their colleague.
The OP doubles down on why they were right.

Which always begs the question, why did you ask???

Because it would have gone straight into landfill.

My issues lay with it being paraffin wax, and paraffin wax is known to release chemicals into the air and has, in some cases, been known to produce carcinogens. Paraffin wax is also made from petroleum/coal/oil.

Others might have been fine using it, but I didn’t want to. Hence the re-gift.

You like candles and yet this one you didn't because? I'm confused.