Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

Same, regifting is fine but FFS why would you do it at work which is where you got it from?

It comes across like this was deliberately nasty.

i disagree.

Whereas the OP may have been a bit insensitive, the gifter’s reaction was completely OTT. If she reacted like this to something so minor, I bet she’s completely insufferable, and every moment is walking on egg shells making sure you don’t offend her over the slightest thing.

You were very insensitive to do what you did and your "ethics" also seem quite bizarre.

You dont agree with it for environmental reasons but dont care if someone else burns it.

Sorry but I think what you did was really stupid.

Not sure, but I think she thinks Chablis is red wine, could be an auto correct from Cabernet?

Regifting is great but you were massively insensitive putting it into the work raffle where the gifter could see it. YABU

Regift it or charity shop it
But putting it in the works raffle where the person who gifted it would see it is just bloody stupid

@WorkRaffle you are so so so wrong. You clearly do not know wines.

chablis and some merlot are as good as each other - so cant be compares to bees wax and paraffin wax which clearly are not as good as each other;

chablis and merlot are made from natural ingredients and aged in a natural process so clearly are the way they are produced are as good as each other nothing camparable to bees and paraffin wax.

if you wanted to be clever you could have said

• champagne and sparkling wine as the former got the bubbles from a natural process, and the other got the bubbles from added CO2 hence not being allowed to called champagne as not produced there and not using the “methode champenoise”

you come accross as hugely snobbish. Indint know you but thats how i feel. So I get now why your colleague felt the way she did. She obviously knows your ways and yes in this instance you killed her motivativation.

you MUST apologise to her and change the gift. Yoy should always re gift somewhere else if you must re gift.

pff you sound a real delight… not

I think the work colleague is overreacting - work secret Santas almost universally yield rubbish gifts, and I'm sure many of them get regifted.

However, I agree it's rude to regift it in the way you did.

Imagine someone gives you a gift you don't like. You quietly regift it to someone else. This is fine. However, giving it back to the person who gave it to you as a gift on their next birthday unless you are doing it as part of an obvious joke that you are both clear about, is basically a snub. Your situation is similar.

That said, if I'd been the work colleague I would have just spoken to you about it.

I can see why they’re upset! Hanging onto it for a year then donating it to the raffle where they work feels really unkind; they probably do feel like it was a deliberate thing against them. Did you know who it was before they brought it up?

Oh god, Secret bloody Santa. 20 years ago my son was born extremely prematurely. He was 10 weeks old and still very very ill when I was invited to our work Christmas dinner. I’d barely left NICU for 10 weeks so I went along. Secret Santa was the last thing on my mind and I was given a colleague who had only started a couple of weeks before my son was born so I barely knew her. I knew she was a runner though so I bought some nice foot cream. She went absolutely mental and declared that it was a crap, thoughtless present. She didn’t know it was from me but in a very small team the chances were fairly high that it was. I have been anxious and overthinking about Secret Santa every year since!

Sorry OP but I do think it was thoughtless to put it into a work raffle where your colleague would - and did - see it.

So tbf, you already knew she was a bit prickly?

No, I wouldn't have bought it up in a 1-2-1 but similarly, of all the 100s of ways you could have discarded this gift, donating it to the work raffle was the worst. Especially if she knows you like candles, so might have been pretty pleased that she got someone in one of these dreadful work circus', something they would actually like.

It could have been interpreted as a bit of a "fuck you".

Was the gift giver your boss/are you her boss? It would be perceived as a more loaded gesture if it was.

How was a Boots candle immediately identifiable as the specific one from the secret santa? Was it only available the previous year? Did it have the date on it/was it a one off design? Was it covered in dust? Re-wrapped in the same paper? Was it known that it was your contribution to the raffle? As pp said if the identical candle is still being sold you might have got away with saying you loved it so much yoy got another one.

If you say so! To be Chablis and Merlot will never be comparable in taste or quality.

She is massively overreacting but it was a schoolgirl error on your part op. Never re-gift in the same circles!

OP, you were unkind.
Your colleague wasn’t unreasonable to raise that she feels upset,
I think your colleague is being OTT to say it’s affecting her motivation at work.

I would definitely have said sorry and something conciliatory to smooth the waters. How did you react to her?

I agree with those saying it seems you were deliberately unkind. You hung onto something for a whole year with the sole intention of donating it to the raffle knowing she would see it instead of regifting it, donating it to another cause or sending it to a charity shop. I don't think she's upset you didn't like it I think she's rightly upset that this seems like a deliberate long game plan where the only aim was to offend her.

If you’re having a 121 with her, please tell me you’re not her boss?

You’re especially unreasonable if you are.

Even if you’re not, it was dismissive and belittling to donate the candle where she’d see it. If it’s a generic Boots one, I’m imagining that you even donated it in her full view - that comes across as rubbing her nose in it and unnecessarily cruel; if you’d snuck it into the raffle pile it could have looked like a coincidence.

I think it’s silly for her to be this upset but it was also a silly thing to do.

You should have regifted it somewhere else, not work.

It’s not great that you can’t acknowledge that this was a bit insensitive and did hurt your colleagues feelings.

It is one of those small things you could learn from and do differently next time. I know I’ve done things that I’ve realised later weren’t the best from somebody else’s perspective. It’s ok to acknowledge that and hopefully grow a bit.

Putting the candle in the work raffle when you know the giver will almost certainly notice it, is a really passive aggressive move.

Her reaction was over the top, but you are more in the wrong to have done it.

@SoScarletItWas great minds!

Ah no @WorkRaffle that’s really tactless.

If I didn't want it, I would have given it to a friend, a relative, or a charity shop, ideally not someone or somewhere the colleague would see it. I would also have done it asap, rather than hang on to it for a year.

Since you asked was the colleague unreasonable to raise it? well if they felt unhappy then it was fair enough for them to raise it. I wouldn't if I were them but I think it would change my view of you. So maybe it’s better to speak it out. Your colleague seems to have bought you something they thought you would like.

Ha! (I’m cringing waiting for the answer…)

I would have found a different raffle for it because I know people are wierd

I dropped it in the donation box! She raised it after perusing the ‘catalogue’ email that listed all the items this year.