Work Raffle - Colleague claims I’ve damaged their feel motivation

[WorkRaffle]

Last year I was gifted a candle in secret Santa. Great, I love candles and wax melts.

However, for reasons related to environmental concerns and the composition of the candle (the wax used), I won’t use it.

Absolutely fine. Instead of chucking it in the bin, I just kept onto it and waited for this year’s raffle to come by as I figured it would be a good choice. All raffle proceeds go to charity and people only buy a ticket because it’s for charity rather than because they want something nice. So I gave my candle to the raffle.

Anyway, work colleague discovered I had submitted the candle to the raffle! She’s really angry and brought it up yesterday in our weekly catch-up.

I was pretty thrown. Apparently my gifting the candle to the raffle has impacted the colleagues motivation as they don’t feel valued!

AIBU to think the person is being completely ridiculous and unreasonable to have bought it up - it’s a candle from Boots, not their life’s work!!!

OP - will you get a lovely shiny new SS gift this year or will you also get an OBVIOUS second hand gift too?

I doubt your colleague hasn't told people the candle is regifted.

I thought Chablis was white wine.

Oh god, everyone involved sounds like a pain in the arse. If this drama was going on in one of my teams I'd be having words. Just get on with your work.

Yabu. Very rude

His he is being over dramatic saying that in your 121. However you are being insensitive regifting his gift. Why did you do it when he would see it! You have hurt his feelings.

Someone chose a gift, specifically for you, with you in mind and you just left it in your work locker..didnt even bother to take it home, to regift in a raffle, you know they see the prizes for.

Can you not see why that is tactless, ungrateful and thoughtless?

Good on your colleague for raising it with you. I'd probably also think "why bother?"
If you had such little regard for how regifting my gift right in front of me would make me feel. Its embarrassing too as likely the rest of the team know this was your gift from secret santa and the gift giver was so off the mark, you just shoved it back in the work raffle

The polite and kinder thing to do in this situation is act grateful on opening the gift, take it home and if you really must regift, do it so the giver does not know

You sound rude and pompous, your colleague sounds dramatic and sensitive.

I actually do.

We all socialise after work and outside of work. It’s actually one of the nicest offices I’ve worked in because everyone is relaxed and happy.

You were rude. However if I was the colleague in the 1-2-1 I wouldn’t have raised it with you. I would just be aware in the future that you can be quite rude and try not to let it upset me.

It is ☺️

Many years ago a colleague was given a terrible ornament in Secret Santa by someone who didn't know him but had got him in the draw. He was incensed that it was a "crap gift". It was bad, but so bad it was funny. If I'd received it, I'd have displayed on my desk for a laugh. Anyway, he put it on eBay and someone else (not the giver) spotted it so a number of us watched it. However one of those watching had a username that was their actual name which gave the game away...

Anyway - don't regift things you've been given where the gift giver is going to see it! That was a piss poor move and completely tactless.

Absolutely this!

OP she feels upset because your action made her feel bad. She went to effort to get you something she thought you would like, you wait a year to regift it in front of her face. It humiliated her. Whether intentional or not your act came across as bitchy.

So you’re happy giving someone else the gift of carcinogens for Christmas?

Other people probably wouldn’t want it for the same reasons as you. Unless you no someone who will happily burn paraffin then I think it is a bit of a cheek to put a gift you think is potentially damaging into the raffle. I can see how it can damage moral - you don’t want the carcinogens but don’t care enough about your colleagues to want them shield them from them - your actively inviting them in into their homes!!

If I was in her shoes I wouldn’t have brought it up, I would have just noted it and thought it was a mean thing to do.
We all get stuff we aren’t going to use, you don’t regift it back where the original person will see it, that’s just tactless.
The fact that she remembered the candle probably meant she spent some time choosing it rather than just grabbing any old one. I admire her for mentioning it rather than quietly stewing about it.

No, your colleague certainly wasn’t being unreasonable in speaking up about the re-cycled gift.
If you didn’t want it, then pass onto a charity shop.
You’re being a bit mean by not buying something for the raffle.

This is extremely poor form? It’s essentially regifting something to the person who gave it to you.

why would you regift it to where the person who gave it could see? It’s a bit lacking in common sense.

How much did it go for?

Of all the places you could have given it to, you chose the very same raffle that you won it in. What were you thinking?
Dont you have charity shops in your neighbourhood?

Whether you’re mean or not, I don’t know.
But the fact that you’d not give it a second thought is what makes me think you’re far worse than just mean.

I think it’s a bit shitty of you to have given the same candle back to the work raffle of the same place the giftee still works…!! Surely you would have seen this could cause offense! I’d think you were a bit mean for doing that and it’s a very unfriendly thing to do. Why on earth wouldn’t you gift it to someone else eg neighbour or someone out of the workplace. It’s bizarre you’ve held onto it for a year and then given it back, makes it look deliberate tbh. Which is even more shitty.

Diabolical, this was really rude.

Whilst I would have given it away differently, your colleague's response is over dramatic and I hope not indicative of wider behaviour. Over dramatic language use has become far too common and tedious, and can actually be harmful in that serious matters are not responded to as they should be.

You don't need to justify why candles are not your thing.

Are you by any chance neurodivergent? The line of reasoning makes sense on a very literal level but it's incredibly rigid. Your feelings towards paraffin wax is less important than ensuring a good workplace atmosphere, even if that means pretending to like a present that a colleague gave you.

By your own logic, anything that is potentially damaging to health or the environment trumps human social connections which simply isn't the case. If that were so, you could refuse to go drinking with anyone, refuse to serve or eat foods that are linked to cancer, refuse to walk with someone outdoors because of traffic fumes which are also know carcinogens, refuse gifts that someone chose for your because it will end up in a landfill etc. The list can go on indefinitely but you've probably alienated every person around you by then.

Cop yourself on. You should have given it to the charity shop, not kept it for a year then put it back in. It's a shitty move.

Why didn’t you drop in the candle at your local charity shop if you didn’t want it? It’s odd to put it in the raffle knowing the person who gave it to you may see it!