What does the baby want for Christmas? Can you just order that for me?

[soddingpuppets]

I’m probably being ungrateful and sleep deprivation making me less patient than usual but the following exchange from MIL has left me really grumpy.

MIL: can you let me know what DS wants for Christmas

Me: no worries, here’s the Amazon list we have for him. Hopefully there’s something you like the look of for him there, if not let me know and I’ll rethink

MIL: the puppets look good. I don’t do Amazon so can you order for me?

Me: they don’t need to be from Amazon. It doesn’t even need to be that exact set. He loves all the different puppets at sensory

MIL: it’s easier if you order it. It’s probably easier if you order it to your house as well. I can give DH the money when I see him in two weeks

Of course it’s easier for you. I’ve thought of a selection of gifts, ordered it myself, added the Amazon box to my December cardboard deluge, wrapped it, and then we also have to deal with the cash (doesn’t do online banking either) so we’ll feel the financial hit of the gift as well because our lives are entirely cashless.

And before people say, yes I do have slightly tense relationship with her. She’s in her mid sixties so not in her dotage, but acts helpless and expects DH to do everything for her (example from last week was being unable to scan a QR code and being unwilling to learn) so this builds on an existing frustration. She can do her Ocado shop online and order all sorts from a variety of random websites, but can’t do an Amazon order which would make our life easier.

So AIBU to be annoyed that she can’t find some finger puppets (or blocks or books or a shape sorter which were also on the list or something not from the list at all) from literally any shop or any website herself.

YAN really BU but you should get used to planning and buying all your dc's presents from yourself, and then providing everyone else with ideas on what they can get them for birthdays and Christmas until they are old enough to make their own requests.

She just wants to be sure she's got the right thing. Sounds fine to me.

This happens all the time and drives me MAD. Every Christmas and birthday my MIL is the same. I chose the gift, order the gift to ours - then it’s “well as it’s at your house anyway you may as well just wrap it up for me”.

It's unreasonable that your DH's mother is contacting you for this instead of her son. And it's unreasonable of you to take on her present buying request. Pass that onto your DH to sort out however he chooses

Tell her not to bother.
Then it's up to her if she sorts it herself or not.
Don't set yourself up for having to do this every year from now on.

Not reasonable. I do an online list, people are free to buy from it or I’m happy for them to go with their own ideas. However, if they want to buy a present then they can buy it and wrap it! (I’d make an exception for someone older - eg my uncle has never used a computer in his life so happy to help him)

In fairness it was in a group chat and DH works in a job where he doesn't have his phone. I thought it was just going to be a case of basically sending the same list I sent to my brother last week so for the sake of a copy and paste sent the list. If I'd have known I'd have left it for him.

Well if she’s seeing DH in 2 weeks, he can just hand over the Amazon package for her to wrap and add to her own cardboard deluge (this, by the way, is the most dramatic overreaction to having to put one extra item in your recycling!)

This, tell her it's OK if she doesn't want to buy a present, dc just won't have one from Grandma.

I probably should have said in the OP but it was in group chat with DH and because I'd sent the list to my brother I literally copy pasted the text to MIL. I've left it there though and if we push back DH will deal.

My DMIL was lovely but couldn’t have coped with ordering things online or online banking either. I think in her sixties she was being to show the first signs of dementia only we just didn’t realise at the time.

I’m sure you don’t need to take the hit financially either. Surely there is a cafe or shop where you could spend it? I’m in a similar position with a small but of cash and have been using it in self service checkouts.

This is my nightmare and what I know will happen. It will be because I'm better at wrapping than her, not because she doesn't want to. I'm happy to accept doing all the wrapping for DH because It means that I've never vacuumed the stairs, but I'm not looking for more. I think we do need to say something because otherwise I'll end up pissed off.

Used to drive me MAD.

SIL: what do the kids want for Xmas
ME: sends several simple suggestions SIL: which one would be best? Where shall I get it from? Would they prefer it in blue or pink? Shall I get two? What size? What flavour? Sparkly or plain? When shall I send it? Can you wait in for it? It's been dispatched, is it there? Have you got it yet? Can you wrap it? Did they like it? What did they say when they opened it? Did they say thank you?

FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

But I've told her there isn't a right item. The list has 36 items between £2.50 and £45 and I said that I didn;t need anything from the list. When she liked the puppets I said that he'd be happy with any puppets. I've not said that only this specific set of woodland finger puppets will do.

Then make sure it's not you that wraps it. Seriously absolve yourself of any responsibility for this. DH either buys and wraps it on behalf of his mother or he doesn't.

You have nothing to do with any of it

I don’t mind solely because it means I can choose what DC gets and not end up with ill sized or unwanted tat.

But if you don’t want to, I’d stick to one of two avenues in the future - either “Oh, sounds lovely, can you reach out to DH to do that as I’ve got a lot on my plate already?” or “Oh I wouldn’t want to know what you got DC, it’ll ruin some of the Christmas magic for me! Can’t wait to see what you got DC on Christmas!”

If she doesnt do Amazon just buy it and have it delivered to hers! Let her deal with the rest of it.

Or next time she asks what to buy say you don't know - tell her to buy what she thinks child will like.

Get DH to order and give to her and collect the refund.

Then next year either leave it all with DH or find a different way to do it. Don't give an amazon list. She's told you she wont do that. Give her a list of things that she can get from the high street or just say a book would be nice.

This is very annoying! My mother in law insists on a list but at least she buys it. Next time no Amazon wishlist unless she's incapable of going to a shop!

Find something on Ocado she can give him. Point her in the direction of the cards, gift wrap, sticky tape and pens! If she’s mid-60s now she was in her 30s when Amazon launched, there’s no excuse!

I find both my mother and my MIL frustrating in many ways but I think you’re making this a bigger issue than it is. It’s better she asks what to get rather than buying something inappropriate. It takes seconds to order of Amazon. Just for convenience I would offer to wrap anyway and have done for my sister and mum in the past.

I always bought my daughter’s presents from my mum and in those days most things were bought from a physical shop. I really don’t see the problem and it means you can make sure your child gets exactly the right present.

It’s so annoying! Slightly different scenario but every so often I’ll ask if I can have something sent to my Mum’s house (we live offshore and not every company delivers here, or at least not without charging worldwide courier shipping). The absolute DRAMA every time about whether they’ll be in, they were thinking of going away (they never actually go away last minute) has it been dispatched yet, is there tracking, when is it coming etc. I wouldn’t mind except that she shops online herself all the time and whenever I’ve sent her a surprise gift I get notified that it’s been left in their safe delivery space, no drama 🤷🏼‍♀️

YANBU. I get this from MIL, who's otherwise lovely. Yes, of course it's easier for you, who's retired, has no responsibilities and spends most days watching TV, to get me, who works FT, has 2 DC and various volunteering roles, to choose, order, wrap and present a gift "from you" and then have to make a special trip into town and pay for parking to deposit the cheque you repay me with. Not exactly fair though, is it?

This is what I'm thinking. Even if the job comes to DH not me, I'll still be annoyed. DH is less patient with his mum than me though so I imagine his response will be along those lines.