What does the baby want for Christmas? Can you just order that for me?

[soddingpuppets]

I’m probably being ungrateful and sleep deprivation making me less patient than usual but the following exchange from MIL has left me really grumpy.

MIL: can you let me know what DS wants for Christmas

Me: no worries, here’s the Amazon list we have for him. Hopefully there’s something you like the look of for him there, if not let me know and I’ll rethink

MIL: the puppets look good. I don’t do Amazon so can you order for me?

Me: they don’t need to be from Amazon. It doesn’t even need to be that exact set. He loves all the different puppets at sensory

MIL: it’s easier if you order it. It’s probably easier if you order it to your house as well. I can give DH the money when I see him in two weeks

Of course it’s easier for you. I’ve thought of a selection of gifts, ordered it myself, added the Amazon box to my December cardboard deluge, wrapped it, and then we also have to deal with the cash (doesn’t do online banking either) so we’ll feel the financial hit of the gift as well because our lives are entirely cashless.

And before people say, yes I do have slightly tense relationship with her. She’s in her mid sixties so not in her dotage, but acts helpless and expects DH to do everything for her (example from last week was being unable to scan a QR code and being unwilling to learn) so this builds on an existing frustration. She can do her Ocado shop online and order all sorts from a variety of random websites, but can’t do an Amazon order which would make our life easier.

So AIBU to be annoyed that she can’t find some finger puppets (or blocks or books or a shape sorter which were also on the list or something not from the list at all) from literally any shop or any website herself.

Unfortunately this is my experience so far too! To be honest it irritates me being asked specifically what the kids want anyway but I appreciate a lot of people don’t feel the same, but my god the endless ‘send a link/can you just buy it and I’ll send the money?/well you may as well wrap it too’ requests take the absolute piss.

I feel harsh saying it though as lucky kids to have so many people wanting to buy them gifts, and not wanting to get it wrong I guess.

And she clearly isn't confident making her own choice. I rarely am. So a "something like this" would make me even more nervous about getting it wrong.

Sorry. Pressed the wrong button! Yanbu. I have this with my mum every birthday and Christmas and it drives me insane. "What did you get x? Ooh, I'll get that and give you the money..." Usually the day before. I feel mean but it grates my gears

Order it online gift wrapped. Charge the giver full price.
Pay the cheque on using your banking app.
I've never actually paid for gift wrapping because I don't find it a chore but it seems like the hardest part of helping someone give your child a gift.
Has anyone used the gift wrapping service?

she sounds a bit blasé about it but honestly who cares ? My mum is like this (but she is ten years older than your MIL so I guess it’s a bit different ) but she will literally be like order a present yourself and I’ll revolut you or give you cash. I honestly don’t mind and I just pick something practical for my dc and say it’s from her. Better than getting something they don’t want in all honesty and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. My mum dotes on her grandchildren , she just doesn’t really have the energy for picking presents anymore. I would expect my MIL to go through my Dh not me though , if this is the type of attitude she has.

But if it takes seconds, why can't she do it? Maybe it is petty but it's part of a background of DH 'just' doing this that and the other because it doesn't take long for him, when it would take her the same time. He works longer than full time hours, I'm looking after the baby who is very needy and not very sleepy and she is retired and spends most of her time watching TV and on Facebook, but it's us who need to do all of these just a minute jobs for her convenience.

It’s annoying and minimal effort.
Id reply ‘I think it would be much nicer if it was from you” and leave it at that.

She could get the exact thing I listed from Amazon, The Puppet Company's own website, RSPB, amongst other websites. She could buy the books I listed from any of the dozens of online bookshops or in person. A physical or online toy shop would have probably most of the other toys there if she wanted to buy the exact ones. I just gave flexibility because I don't want to be demanding.

Amazon is 30 years old???? What😵

Ha! Is your MIL my mum?!?!
My mum is the same. Asks for ideas, I give ideas, asks me to just get it for her “as that’s simpler” (she shops and has deliveries to her house daily!) I end up paying for shipping as she’ll give me the amount for the gift, I have to get the present to her and yes it’s a simple thing but when your bin is full every week yet another box to throw away is so annoying. This year I pushed back and never ordered any of the items they asked me to. I just kept saying I hadn’t done it yet. They quickly did it at the last minute.

It only did books back then! I remember when it started doing film rentals, I was one of their first dvd customers that got switched over from LoveFilm about 15y ago. Only after that did they do other stuff like toys.

I make a list before Christmas with an item for each person to buy. My family is very big on buying a gift my kids want rather than picking something and it possibly being a duplicate/not played with.

My granny is in her 70s and will reserve it at (I always pick smyths because she likes the click n collect) and my auntie takes her to collect it! dh can help his mother with the same thing for your dc.

With my sister I send her a few options and let her decide, but I never send different people the same gifts if that makes sense. That way I know no one will be buying a duplicate haha

I'm shocked I didn't realise it was older than me! I was born in 97 so I grew up with like blockbuster but I had no idea about Amazon!

YANBU. That is pure laziness on her part. If she genuinely can’t be bothered to find a present and wrap it up herself, given that you have provided a good list of suggestions, then that’s on her. You do not have to do her life admin.

Yes why are you answering these questions? Leave it to her son. My Mother in law buys a ton of crap, orders it to her house, spends a fortune on postage, then is too poor to ever visit her own Grandchild. If we have her a list she would buy everything on it, but buy the Temu version. Let your husband sort this. At least you will get what you want.

That is much worse. Definitely say no. You got that present, she has to get something else.

At least she isn’t buying something you don’t want. Especially large or noisy things you don’t want.

You could just ask her for money each time and invest it for the dcs future, let her have the account details to pay into?

Hmmm I used to try and do present shopping for my nephews but it was always “oh he’s too advanced for this” when it’s an item for 3-6 year olds and they were 4, or “oh this doesn’t fit with our colour scheme” or blah blah blah. Now I just request the list and have done with it. Do you pick at everything your MIL does? We don’t know if that’s you, but my relations wouldn’t think they did it either!

My mother does this and I either never see the money at all or just a fraction of it.

I agree OP!

My family and DH family does this too!

Sometimes the mental load is a lot for me to organise Christmas presents we are given everyone let alone also organising what people are buying DS and DH for birthday (December birthday) and Christmas

I fucking HATE this.

I am a huge believer in “it’s the thought that counts”

And this behaviour is zero thought. In fact, it’s worse as its NEGATIVE thought as you’re having to do all the fucking thinking for them!!!!!!

My parents are minted, but by far the best present I’ve ever had from them was when I’d asked Dad to mend a beloved jewelled hair clip and he couldn’t as it was too far gone so he scoured eBay for weeks tracking down a similar one for me instead. Cost less than a tenner but meant the absolute world to me.

I hear you op, I’ve had fifteen years of choosing, buying, wrapping and writing “love from grandpa” on gifts my DDad has been completely uninvolved in. The worst moment was when he said something disparaging about the jumper ds was wearing, and ds replied “Er, you bought me it?” in confusion. I literally saw the penny drop in ds’s eyes.

I don’t think the list is bad because otherwise MILs would be criticised for buying the wrong thing but next time just send a list not from Amazon and leave her to buy it

36?! But last year! Last year I had THIRTY SEVEN!!

If she can use the internet, she can order it herself. You are making it beyond easy for her. Does she not get any enjoyment whatsoever from buying and wrapping a present for her grandchild?