What does the baby want for Christmas? Can you just order that for me?

[soddingpuppets]

I’m probably being ungrateful and sleep deprivation making me less patient than usual but the following exchange from MIL has left me really grumpy.

MIL: can you let me know what DS wants for Christmas

Me: no worries, here’s the Amazon list we have for him. Hopefully there’s something you like the look of for him there, if not let me know and I’ll rethink

MIL: the puppets look good. I don’t do Amazon so can you order for me?

Me: they don’t need to be from Amazon. It doesn’t even need to be that exact set. He loves all the different puppets at sensory

MIL: it’s easier if you order it. It’s probably easier if you order it to your house as well. I can give DH the money when I see him in two weeks

Of course it’s easier for you. I’ve thought of a selection of gifts, ordered it myself, added the Amazon box to my December cardboard deluge, wrapped it, and then we also have to deal with the cash (doesn’t do online banking either) so we’ll feel the financial hit of the gift as well because our lives are entirely cashless.

And before people say, yes I do have slightly tense relationship with her. She’s in her mid sixties so not in her dotage, but acts helpless and expects DH to do everything for her (example from last week was being unable to scan a QR code and being unwilling to learn) so this builds on an existing frustration. She can do her Ocado shop online and order all sorts from a variety of random websites, but can’t do an Amazon order which would make our life easier.

So AIBU to be annoyed that she can’t find some finger puppets (or blocks or books or a shape sorter which were also on the list or something not from the list at all) from literally any shop or any website herself.

Could you say to your MIL ,it would be so helpful at this busy time of year if you could deal with DC gift?
Reiterate that any of the puppets would be welcome.

Same with my DM, drives me mental. Kids are at the age where they prefer cash now anyway but she “wants them to have something to open”…..as long as I source it, buy it, wrap it and put it under the tree 😝

My MIL is the same. She refuses to use Amazon which is always an issue because a lot of the things DC ask for are easiest bought from Amazon. She wants things she can buy in a physical shop which just isn’t the way of the world now. Examples have been T-shirts for teenage DS only available online, body sprays for DD only easily available online (she’d have to drive out to Manchester to get them in person).

She isn’t elderly either and has a smartphone. I don’t really understand it. It’s lazy really.

It will only happen if you let it. My mum does this, what do you want granddaughter or worse suggests something - your mum will have to get it for you. I think thats worse in some ways - so do you want a Pandora bracelet for Christmas, ooh yes and then in front of her basically says well I can’t be arsed to actually get it and wrap it.

For my mum, she seems to think that the asking is the thing and you don’t really have to buy it. She was most put out the other year when I did get the thing but then turned up at her house handed it over for her to wrap.

Teens are a foreign country; they do things differently there.

But if we're talking about gift giving for young children, I would like my extended family to take a proper interest in them as individuals all year round. Get to know them as a person, and have an idea about what they might like.

Just politely say you’d rather everyone orders themselves you don’t have the time or the money right now
Otherwise call her bluff and suggest money for a savings account easier all around ….she can give it to DH in two weeks and you can put it away for your DC ! (Or buy yourself a bottle of fizz sounds like you deserve it !)

It annoys me aswell, and it doesn't stop. Eldest is 9, so it's been every Christmas and birthday for close to a decade. I have to be the one to think, order, be in for delivery & wrap, every gift anyone in my family receives on top of all the gifts that we give out.

Why do people always act like it's perfectly reasonable for the elderly to be technologically inept. My Gran is nearly 90 and manages to use a phone and do all her shopping online, because she saw the world was changing and she got herself used to it. People have been using the internet as standard for well over 15 years now - what excuse does someone in their 60s have for not knowing how to do the basics?

I've done this before and they haven't paid me back (yes, I know I should have put on my big girl pants) 🫠

The lesson I've learnt is to provide generic ideas e.g. cars, colouring books, etc.

I would be a bit annoyed at this OP. I understand some people prefer not to use Amazon, but given she is asking your DH to order for her, then it doesn’t sound like she is ideologically opposed to the store. Ordering an item you have already linked to on Amazon and then popping it in a present bag when it arrives will take her around 10 mins, if that. And she can order the present bag from Amazon too, while she’s at it! No excuse. And in terms of using IT, internet orders etc etc, 65 is no different to 45 in that respect. Speaking as someone who is closer to your MIL’s age than yours.

That’s extremely annoying and very self centred . So whatif it’s slightly wrong? Not he endorsed free world and at least you’ve taken responsibility and not made someone else do it.

Ocado stock some toys. Is it worth checking to see if there’s anything there that you’d like and then letting her know?

I do buy when given a vague instruction. I just find the whole process immensely stressful and hate the idea of money wasted on something that won't actually be enjoyed. I always try to make it as easy as possible for anyone buying for my DC as I do see it as my responsibility to remove that stress from anyone else who feels it. So I do think the OP is being fairly unreasonable.

Could you just say back to her. "Don't worry about the Amazon puppets then, I'm stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed myself and haven't got the energy to faff about on Amazon either. He's a baby, he has everything he 'needs' get him whatever you fancy from the toy shop in town, it'll be much nicer you having picked him out a present and it coming direct from yourself anyway".

'MIL, I don't have time to organise everyone's Christmas shopping, I'm afraid. If you don't have time or the inclination, DS will survive without'.

I'm afraid this will continue OP possibly until baby is old enough to want money. My friend has 4 kids, 3 with December and early January birthdays so as you can imagine it's incredibly busy. They do godparents only gifts, so her BIL has 1 present to buy for Christmas. Every year he asks his mother for ideas then MIL takes over continuously messages my pal. Often sending screen shots from online or photos from a shop. He is a single child free man, she is a 70 something widow and my friend has to micro manage their gift giving. Providing a list didnt work, saying to buy whatever they want didn't work, now she just tells them to give money cos she is fed up. It's ridiculous bearing in mind children can tell you what they want from 2 or 3.

Maybe next time just ask for a gift card which she can order easily online. It's ridiculous the amount of additional labour DIL's are expected to do. So many things not asked for SILs. You need to draw boundaries, i do firmly tell my MIL no, or to ask my husband, when she treats me like his secretary.

Yes, absolutely.

My DM might have had some idea of what our kids might like... if she'd ever bothered paying attention to them as people.

She reached out and (sorta) bought a gift and even checked with you to avoid duplicates/ inappropriate stuff.

Compared to many relatives, thats not bad!

No, she’s completely swerving any effort at all. Really annoys me.

I hate being asked what people want, work it out for yourself

I get asked what I want, what my husband wants, what my children want. So I have to think about all of that. Plus I have to think about what I’m actually going to buy everyone.

Winds me up.

Next time she comes round for dinner, order in macdonalds, rather than putting time and care into cooking a meal

I have the opposite problem. My MIL buys what she wants to buy and never asks whether we have 10 of them already or not. I must be on my 5th pair of slippers in a row now.

I don't see it that way. I'm happy to make it as easy as possible for my parents and PIL because I know how much it stresses me out buying anything so I don't think they deserve that stress. Less so PIL who are better at it and more confident. Hence DH is better at it and more confident than me.