Partner doesn’t want my son here on a weekend

[Happymum1782]

I have a son (5y) from a previous marriage and now a 2yo with my current partner. Due to his dad living far away we always had my son during the week and then his dad had him every weekend but recently his dad moved close by and I wanted to have my son one weekend per month so we could have family time and both kids could spend time with their sibling. We have very little time during the week as we work full time and both kids in school / childcare 9-5 every day so I have missed out on quality time with my older son while he was with his dad every weekend. I spoke with my partner about it and he agreed so I arranged it with my ex. Well this weekend is our turn to have my son and I brought it up with my partner to say we could go as a family to choose a Christmas tree. He was really unpleasant in response, rolled his eyes and said “great” in a sarcastic tone then went on to say “guess that’s my weekend ruined then. We will have no time together. I will have to spend all weekend entertaining your son”. To be clear he does very little with my son. I do all of his day to day care and playing with both kids on an evening as my partner is tired from
work. I’m really upset by his comments and he says I’m overreacting.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby. He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son but not at our shared child. AIBU to get so upset over this?

They’re not even married. She can just up and go. No divorce to complicate things. She just needs to go before this prick causes psychological damage to this poor little boy.

Any parent who admits letting their partner abuse their child deserves it.

He doesn’t have any behaviour issues at all. He’s a lovely little boy and it’s not just me who says it, his teachers and other mums at school all say what a polite sweet child he is. I am well aware this is absolutely nothing to do with my son or his behaviour. He adores his sibling and they adore him. My partner does not like normal child behaviour such as occasional acting out or the fact that my son always wants to play, he doesn’t like sitting and watching screens which my partner finds inconvenient.

If you stay with this man, the situation will get worse, not better. Get out now and put your child first.

The child's welfare is paramount. You should have this in mind - what will the future look like for your son if you stay with him?

OP, giving your ex every single weekend and relinquishing quality time with such a small child was already a big deal.

Did your current partner influence that decision?

He clearly thought he was a priority for you, over your child, with all this weekends dedicated to him and then his child.

And your poor kid. Children do try and make sure of an adult in their lives. The cruelly murdered Sara Sharif wrote (desperate) letters to her stepmother praising her. So I can understand your boy saying your P was his best friend… but he MUST be aware he has been downgraded now by your P. So upsetting.

Please please prioritise your little boy. You will retreat it deeply if you don’t

Your poor son
You think he won't feel this ...he will ,he just won't understand what the feeling is 😭
Two years your partner has been making comments ,since your two year old was a baby ..
How can you be sure of how he treats your eldest when your not there .
He sounds dreadful,and you don't sound any better allowing it

Terrible advise. OP clearly hasn't known this man well enough. Now here she is and he thinks OPs son is cramping his style. For the poster below talking about "scope" OP should not have to palm her child off. She needs to get rid of her partner. The end.

So why are you putting up with this?

He really sounds incredible OP ❤️ Please put him first

You obviously had some concerns if you've never left your son with his "doting stepfather"

Jesus Christ. He just gets better and better doesn't he...wait until the two year old is 4 and you have two small children running around... he'll be gone, guaranteed.

I’ve read all her posts. She’s in a difficult position with a man who has changed unexpectedly.

Her partner needs to step up, obviously, but he’s allowed to articulate that he’s struggling with having little time with just his child. Now OP’s ex lives nearby, perhaps custody could be more evenly split which would benefit everyone.

He doesn’t have any behaviour issues at all. He’s a lovely little boy and it’s not just me who says it, his teachers and other mums at school all say what a polite sweet child he is.

The more updates I read, the sadder I feel.

Please, please, please take steps to protect your son.

Omg your poor boy. Give your head a wobble, its your child. Do better to protect him

OP, the fact that he was all over your first child until your second child was born and then subsequently dropped him like a bomb, will be incredibly harmful for your son.

Don't you think that if he can treat a very young child like that, never mind an adult, that there is something seriously off putting about his personality and character.

You do not need this man in your life. You can manage the two children alone, with the support of your parents and friends. Do it for both your children, emotional damage to one child will have an effect on the relationship between both siblings. Surely you do not want that for both of them?

He sounds lovely. Shame you won't see him for dust at 18 at this rate.

Sorry I didn’t make that part clear, yes the trade off would be that instead of the weekend he will go to his dad’s Wednesday to Friday on the weeks that we have him on the weekend. So it’s not even as if we would be having him more days overall it’s just swapping some week days for weekends. His dad would have him every day if I asked him. There is never a time if I’m in a bind that he would refuse to have him now he lives just round the corner from us

And? Still not a step-parent. A step-parent is someone who is married to a child’s biological parent. The couple in question aren’t married. He’s just her boyfriend who has happened to impregnate her.

He’s not this poor little lad’s Step-Father. Just his Mother’s asshole of a boyfriend.

As I’ve said I did speak to the midwife at the time and she said it was normal that my partners attitude might change now his son was here and it would be an adjustment for him.

Your midwife very much underplayed that. Yes, it's normal for some changes. Not what you're describing.

It's also normal for controlling and abusive behaviours, if there are going to be any, to raise their head at that time as well.

Not wanting your child to spend any weekend time in your home is massively controlling. That's not a situation that is going to get any better - in fact it's likely to get worse.

He is not having little time with his own child, OP has said already stepdad doesn't do anything with her 5yr old.

The children should benefit from any arrangement which they obviously are not.

What a partner you have chosen. Your poor son. Thank goodness his dad is a good one.

Let him stay where he is wanted permanently if you are not going to ensure he is wanted in your home. Put HIM first! And stop making excuses for the dickhead partner.

Christ, if he’s like this at 5, think of the nightmares when your wee boy is a stroppy teen.

No indeed. But it's not as simple for op as simply disappearing in the night, unfortunately - that would count as kidnapping their shared child.